I feel so unwanted. Anyone else?

Post Reply New Topic

No matter how hard I tried in high school, I was always excluded, ignored and made fun of. Why do people complain about being led on, one-sided friendships, etc. when they are doing the same rude behavior to others? I try my best to not come off as awkward but even if I don't seem awkward or portray unwelcoming body language, hardly anyone wanted to be my friend. I am now working (I am 20) in hopes that I will go to school one day. And I couldn't help but be hurt when people didn't say "bless you" to me when I sneeze but do it to other people after I sneeze. I can't help but feel that 60% of people are superficial jerks.


I wonder if its because of my looks, my lack of knowledge and participation in trends, etc. My parents taught me nothing when it came to things like making friends:(

I’ve always had the same difficulty. I don’t make friends easily because I just don’t click with people in general very well. I always feel awkward around people and I feel like I’m an imposter, and perhaps people can pick up on that sometimes.

I think a lot of people are superficial jerks, but definitely not everyone. I have had more luck joining social clubs to do with hobbies and interests, there you tend to meet more people who are less socially skilled or who are on the spectrum. Older people can be nice too, luckily a lot of people grow out of the high school nastiness as they mature.

That was pretty much my exact experience in high school. I'm still not sure I really understand why.

Remember that being a teenager and in the years just after your teens will likely be the toughest time in ones life, not to say that school wasn't tough as that is also some of the toughest years.
I say this as for a decade of two as adult life begins to settle, one will find things becoming easier.

I might not go this far since I've continued to struggle socially in college. That being said, I met my first actual friend in college, I've met many more people I feel like I relate to, and overall it's been the best time of my life so far. Also, it's amazing how not living with my parents (even though I was only 20 minutes away) allowed me to push way out of my comfort zone. If you go to college I expect things will get much better.
I have, however, given up on making NT friends. Friends understand each other and I've never met an NT who really understands me. Recently I went to a new organization for ND students at my college and I felt more accepted than I've felt anywhere else (except with my family but that's different).
Good luck!

I know how you feel and I could go on and on about feeling unwanted. However, it's a hot button for me and I am trying not to live in the past.

I will set one example and tie it into today:
From the tail end of Jr. High until the end of 11th grade, I was excluded by three "Friends" who I attended special ed with. The main reason why I was excluded all the time was because one of those "Friends" was the queen bee of the group. Not only were we jealous of each other but she has always seemed to think that she is better than I am. However, she has always been a brat.

I had been getting to know her best friend who wanted to us reconnect. However, she had the wool pulled over her eyes about this former "Friend's," true nature. It was only when I put my foot down that she had her claws came out.

Is that a thing?
I guess I'm lucky to the extent I can APPEAR to make friends.
Face to face conversation is a little awkward but no obvious rejection.
I pretend to be socially competent and they sometimes indicate when I can speak without talking over people.
It's not until I'm home that it becomes obvious that they're not really friendly.
For the duration of COVID I contacted my "friends" occasionally to check they were all ok.
Nobody rang me.
I'm trying to remember the last time one of my or my partner's friends rang me and I can get to last century without a single call. (Although I do have 1 friend who has asked in messenger if they can call me but I hate the sound of my voice and refuse)

Truth be told, I identify with the Doctor Who species "The Silence"
Nobody but my partner remembers I exist unless they're looking straight at me.

Silence will fall

Yes. Hobbies and interests are definately the way to find people to talk to who can talk on the same level.

I used to find elderly people so much easier to talk to but the age difference I found worked for me mean that only a few are left...

I AM wondering though (As it can work) if I find young friends so I become the new mentors to the few who were like me when I was their age? Somehow age difference make a difference as th large gap somehow means that one can communicate at ones own level instead of trying to unsuccessfully "Fit in" if one tried to befriend people of ones own age level if that makes sense?

(I never got to edit the last part)

Basically, this so-called "Friend" and queen bee is very manipulative and has her best friend in rose colored glasses. As I said, her best friend was really "Nice" and wanted us to reconnect. Though I thought about it, I decided it was not a good idea because she wasn't a good friend in past. So when I wrote her a letter, she managed to turn BF against me. After that, she attacked me on FB."

The reason why I bring this up is because I had always feel like I was shut out of their group. However, that was not the only reason why I felt like an outsider.

However, you have to realize that people who exclude you like that are not worth your time or energy. If they can't make time for you then forget about them.

Those high school days sucked. Whoever said your teenage years were the best years of your life must not be autistic or have any other type of difference going on.

first place i ever felt not-unwanted was my aspie meetup group, well into middle age.

The "bless you" thing is cultural. Some people do it, others don't. It can also be political. Some people feel like God is a right winger. Others feel like God is a left winger. So you never know. I don't think God votes though. I don't say Bless You, but I believe in God. It helps me a lot to believe. I enjoy it, it's fun. I think God is really, really good.

I felt similar things to the way you do at the ages of 20 to 25. But, I don't care anymore. Got older. Other people had it rough in school, too. I am just glad I got through the hell without too much damage. Be glad you are out. High school was the worst time in my life. Everything got better after that. The main thing is just survive. Don't get into a car accident.

Also, I don't measure myself up against others. Some make way more money than me. Others have families. I don't care. I like my life the way it is. It is OK for me. I have seen a lot worse than the present.

A very common problem among us.

I didn't have any friends at all in gradeschool. I too was always excluded and made fun of.

Luckily, by the time I got to high school, I had figured out that the only way I was ever going to make friends was by seeking out fellow oddballs.

Even in high school, I didn't manage to find any lasting friends, but I finally did manage to find some lasting friends in my early-to-mid twenties.

What are your hobbies/interests, if any? Have you ever looked (e.g. on Meetup.com) for groups of people interested in the same topics or activities that you are?

Also, have you looked for any local autistic adult support groups in your area?

I felt this way growing up.

As an adult there's something slightly liberating about knowing you'll never be accepted though, it means you don't have to even pretend to play their games. Every so often you'll be shocked to discover someone who likes you in spite of it all.

I felt unwanted by other people on the autism spectrum who are insecure about having a diagnosis. Meanwhile, they find a way to fit in with NT peers and don't want to associate with anyone else on the spectrum. They also tend to think that they above me and tend to talk down me as if I am dumb. One of them has had the nerve to call me "Weird" and that he's "Higher functioning" than I am. However, I am very outspoken and I don't take crap from people who act like that. I tend to get mad at people who act like.

I was also rejected by a few people who could not handle my limited topics. For instance, a childhood "friend" got tired of me talking Disney movies all the time.

in my dotage i've grown a bit suspicious of most folks [of an extremely limited number] who show an inordinate interest in me, i wonder what do they REALLY want out of me. but when i was young i'd glom onto anybody who showed me the least little bit of interest.