A relationship death and a splitting up nightmare

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I have currently been seeing a lady for about 8 or 9 months, the relationship as gone through some good times and the bad. Please don't get me wrong either I'm not here to brag about being in a relationship at all as I know for many the idea of getting into a relationship seems like a great thing they could only wish for but this thread may be asking for trouble, I hope not.

Anyway this is how it goes, we met over the net and it was a time when I was feeling that low and lonely that I felt a kind of feeling of I need to just get out there and test the air kind of feeling. We met up and like usual I played into the role and game of dating and exploring things. Everything went really well but even on that first day I didn't have such great expectations and wasn't really that attracted to the lady apart from liking her eyes that I would look at on quick occasion.

At that period and for a about a month afterwards it all seemed interesting and fun, when it fizzled out just like that. After that I just went along with the low's of another real relationship thinking this must be what its all about. We kept arguing and falling out but I kept giving into my fears hoping things would get better and kept trying to give things another chance. My girl friend would always find reasons to keep things going on and her ignorant optimism kept me interested and causing me to want to learn if I was the problem or fault. She had two kids of which I have grown to fear and take a strong disliking to. Anyway my biggest concern is that she appears to be very liked and respected person who fits well into today's british society and her way's seem similar to most people of today who spend all there time living for there kids, watching football, shopping, drinking and all the other british social norms. And I ask myself is it all me, am I just some weirdo who likes to think deeply into things etc.

Well anyway at this present time I am trying to split up but I find it really really hard to contemplate and to also carry out. I was talking to her the other night about how I just cant seem to relate to her and was feeling sad about having to be the person to make an effort in the discussion of almost everything we talk about. I like to chat about deep intellectual subjects or off the wall out of the box stuff or even factually documentary type chat while she would rather talk about celebrity's or winning the lottery or what she got from the shops or what was on tele and if I get deep with that its like talking with a brick wall. She even recently started laughing about the things I like and acting all above the things I like or changing the subject.

Anyway you know nothing is great and things don't look good but I feel really deeply emotionally pained to have to break up and it scares the crap out of me. Its not like I hate her and care about her as much as anyone would after being with them for such a long period its just seems such a difficult thing to do, its such a big change to get my head around. When she phones me again what do I say, because she put the phone down on me last time we spoke. The whole thing is so screwed up, as anyone else ever felt like this at split ups ? Would I ever find a girl friend with a deep mind if I did split up ? Have any of you lot ever felt scared to feel just a single entity again ? Does the idea of having to go through the stage's of a new relationship put you off ? Is what I am feeling a typical aspie thing or an everyone thing ? Why does the idea of being alone feel so good ? I could go on all night.

yes, it is always a hard thing to do to break up with someone (unless you enjoy that kind of thing?! )

the best thing you can do is make the break quick, clean and as tidy as possible. the latter is more difficult, but really is the mark of a man/woman!

btw, optimism isn't always ignorant. and don't dis someone for living for their kids - how else do kids stand a chance. (think about it!) if you want to break up - fine - do it, be firm but don't be superior just get on with it.

let us know how yo get on.

Just going by your description about yourself, I would say there is a chance you can find someone compatible.
That's about all I can say on that though.

I thought I had someone I would stay with for the rest of my life and it didn't work out that way.

From my experiences, I would say the same thing as Sepia... a quick, clean break might be the best route.
The relationships (just three it seems) that I have had end fit the quick category and the slow, drawn-out category.

Definitely, the drawn-out category was the most painful and just prolonged the eventual bitternes and anger.

The fast clean breaks went better although every relationship I have lost has been painful to me in some respect.

I wish you well.

That would have me trotting off towards the horizon with the littlest hobo music playing there and then.

You dont sound like you are happy so let her get on with her life and dont be scared of being on your own whilst you look for someone who is a bit deeper. People seem to make really bad decisions purely out of fear of being lonely so evaluate what you want and where you are going.

I'm also looking for my elusive philosopher chick that doesn't watch TV and joins me in my pure hate of celebrity culture and the rest of the spectacle - hope springs eternal.

I've come to realize that a huge number of relationships out there involve people just settling for whoever comes along because they're lonely or just can't stand being alone. That's probably why she seems so oblivious to the state of your relationship - the majority of people she knows routinely settle for an emotionally shallow relationship and it's become the norm in their minds.

Don't fall into that mindset. Being alone is better than being in a relationship that doesn't make you happy. If you leave, you have the chance of finding someone who compliments you and relates to you on the level you want. If you stay in it, you're guaranteed to remain unhappy.

In my personal case, finding someone deep has proven impossible. Your relationship sounds exactly like all the relationships I ever had. But the good thing for you is that at your young age you already know what you need and look for, so you won't start looking for someone deep at 36 like I did, and without experience in how to spot them.

Thanx you lot what you have said as really inspired me and comforted me in wanting to go with the splitting up decision, I do keep thinking shall I give up and go with it and look back at the good times but I know that overhall I will have to split up and hate the idea of having to tell her. I am such a coward and hate the idea of hurting someone. Anyway I will let you know what happened thanx all.