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NeantHumain
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13 Sep 2005, 12:00 pm

One particularly troublesome area of social interaction for me is turning acquaintances that I might occasionally exchange a few words with in class, in a club, etc. into genuine friends. How does one do this? If I try to suggest an outside activity, people rarely show interest; usually, they're busy or the like. NTs seem to do this with easy, but it seems to be out of my range of abilities. How does one do it?



sparkplugloy
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13 Sep 2005, 12:13 pm

This is also something I have much trouble with. Most of my friends were penpals from the internet, and we just know many things about each other, which is why I consider them my friends.
But in real life, I have difficulties making friends as well. Last year, I was invited out several times, and said yes, but it seems that it does not work well as I have had no news since the end of the year in June.


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13 Sep 2005, 1:30 pm

Hi,
I think it's hard to turn acquaintances into full fledged friends. I think most of it starts with sharing some common ground and then really, it is left to their being open to adding new friends. There are some people I've found who are very open to getting to know new people. Some are willing to converse and share pleasantries, however, not much else. It's very frustrating .

My final words would be keep being friendly and most of all willing to listen. I've found that listening to others can really help.

Good Luck,
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Endersdragon
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13 Sep 2005, 1:47 pm

Yeah same here I cant go up to strangers and just talk to them so my only hope is that they come talk to me and then I go into aneixty attacks and everything just gets screwed up. Im best when its someone I see alot and just have a few short convos with and never try to make it a "friendship."


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mikibacsi1124
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13 Sep 2005, 5:27 pm

I hate to think negative thoughts, but I usually have to take it with a grain of salt when someone says they're "busy". I too feel that it's much harder to get people to "hang out" with me than it is for most people I know. Part of it may be my approach, but then again, it doesn't seem like it's all that different from other people's.

I also seem to have a hard time telling exactly when that boundary between acquaintance and friend is broken. I usually jump the gun on that.



NeantHumain
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13 Sep 2005, 5:34 pm

Endersdragon wrote:
Yeah same here I cant go up to strangers and just talk to them

I've done this a lot now, and I've still made no friends from it.



iamlucille
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13 Sep 2005, 6:05 pm

I've been having trouble there too, don't worry! However, it's just in school, for some odd reason I have no problems making friends outside of school.

If you ever find an answer, let me know!



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13 Sep 2005, 6:22 pm

Hi again,
well, you said that some of these people are already acquaintances. If that is the case just keep being friendly and cordial. You can't force anyone to be your friend, but I know you know that. But I hope that you'll have good luck on forming relationships in the future.

:lol:



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13 Sep 2005, 6:39 pm

Acquaintances are better than enemies, so long as they're not too chatty, inquisitive or invasive of personal space.

Friends tend to be those for whom there is a mutual dependency (resented or otherwise, acknowledged or otherwise). The difference between being something/having something that might attract someone as a 'friend' and alienating people because you have something/are something is a very fine point of differentiation.

It is a potential minefield and reminds me of the fact that there are supposedly several different ways of saying 'Thank You' in Japanese, each one bearing a different, finely graded expression of resentment.


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hale_bopp
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13 Sep 2005, 9:08 pm

I have no idea. :cry:



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14 Sep 2005, 5:48 pm

Quote:
If I try to suggest an outside activity, people rarely show interest; usually, they're busy or the like.


Hm... sometimes people just aren't meant to be friends, even if they are aquaintances.

For example, there are two girls at my work that I sometimes talk to. One of them has approached me more readily, I made a post about her before on this board. I have found it's much easier for me to get to know her through livejournal. Either way, she ended up suggesting outside activities (none of which we've done yet, but I think eventually will). Since we both have an interest in art, it works out. She wants me to make her a stuffed animal, so we will go fabric shopping together. She also mentioned on her livejournal that she wants to learn photography. I have some experience with it so I told her I could help her out.

The other girl, I have less in common with, even if our personalities are compatible enough in the workplace. I think she may feel a bit sorry for me after reading some of my posts in livejournal (which was not my intention) and she tried to invite me to a party, but then it ended up she never called me about it to follow up (I doubt I would have gone, anyway). Anyway, we have less in common, as far as our habits and interests, so it is less likely that we will become friends outside of work.

If you are in a club or class with someone, perhaps you can suggest doing an activity which pertains to the subject of the club or the class. That way, maybe they'd be more inclined to be interested.

Another thing- sometimes people really are just too busy to get together. If that happens, try to suggest an alternative time or ask them when they are free.