Are you desired or not desired?

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Are you desired or not desired?

I would say the answer to the two categories here depends on the way we hide our traits, the traits and personality features that are seen as inappropriate or things about us here that society struggles to cope with.

I hope I don't/but I may get niggly responses to this - I think that being desired by people (socially in general and family) or not being desired by society [b]BOTH pose equal but different problems.

(At the moment) I fit into the first category, but recently felt I am slipping into the second.

I am an aspie of a very child-like exterior and delivery thus I am passive, vulnerable and am generally seen as endearing and kind (too kind!). Therefore this category poses the question of managing deeply the way I present myself to my family in the first instance and then to the 'outside' world. I also have a lot of ironic features about me which is summed up by saying 'if you think i'm this, then it's likely that i'm the opposite of that'. On the plus side if one exhibits the features I have mentioned then if you have a loving family then you are one step to some kind of stability. BUT have you ever wondered what it's like to be pulled this way and that way by almost everyone who you come into contact with because they all want to be close to you, recently for me TOO close, and that's family included and others in the 'outside' world. So the natural reaction for an aspie when perception of trust is grey is to - withdraw, here's the paradox!

For people in the second category, I feel for anyone who does not feel desired, and has to deal with rejection on a regular basis, I have experienced rejection with employment recently and this is still up in the air for me. Not feeling desired by your close family, I could not imagine how that would feel for you. On the positive side you certainly have exceptional freedom for your independence and solitary interests. But I guess it depends on the individual.

I guess in some cases, the phrase 'opposites attract' could work well here with the aspie
in-demand choosing the aspie not in demand as their best friend

This is an interesting subject, I hope whoever reads this sees insight into both categories. Obviously we can only reflect on what we've experienced in our own worlds and will never truly understand what's it's like to be on the other side of the fence, unless during our lives we do in fact drift over onto the other side of the fence, hopefully the move will be positive for you!

I forgot to mention that i'm 25 years old and Male.

I'm pretty desired, around my clubhouse.

most often the people who make it clear that they desire me are a lot more extrovert than me, i don't think we would make a good match. i wish i was desirable (or knew i was desirable) to some more chilled out individuals, but either i'm giving out the wrong vibe or else they are flying under my radar undetected.

of course it helps the confidence to know that you are desirable to someone once in a while(whether they are suitable or not).

Most Aspie guys fly under the radar. Nap of the earth even. They are there, and too chicken to tell you.

Am I desired? No. Sometimes maybe, not that I have the confidence to do anything about it. That's my fault though.

Never. Only reason my best friend would even bother to call me at any point is because I hadn't shown up for class with her or shes wondering why I ditched her first Tuesday I wasn't home.

Thats in general. As a man I may have been desired but I honestly could not tell you.

I feel fairly undesirable. My few close friends have drifted away from me (or I from them perhaps). I just don't mix with people well anymore. At least I'm more stoic about it and it bothers me a lot less then it used to.

Well, I have real trouble saying I am 'desired' by anyone.
My family all say they love me.
I have some friends who stay in contact with me even if it is only once-a-month or farther in between times.

After my divorce last year I started looking at that relationship and my previous few before that.

I have come to this conclusion... If someone 'desires' me, as in a woman desiring me, I am uncomfortable with that because based upon previous experience they are looking at me and creating this person they see who is not the real me.
They may get some things correct... I like to be nice to people, I care about people, I like music, etc., but they also see this guy who is tall and very manly looking.

The problem is with my gender issue. No one can 'see' that. I have to tell them.
So far, no one in my 'real' world (as opposed to this virtual world) can handle this different aspect of me.
Actually I do have acquaintances at work who know and are accepting of me... but I have no doubt that finding someone who would 'desire' me for the person I really am, is an extremely unlikely possibility.
My personality may get me noticed and liked, but my ADD/HD and Gender pretty much have ruined any relationship I have ever had.

Also forgot to mention that Chriss and Psycho are hotties too!

Also, I've seen Youtube footage / photos of other members ... Alex is a hottie, Chuck is a hottie, KBABZ!

I'd better stop. I'm getting myself worked up into a frenzy of desire.

Helen

P.S. I didn't mean to hijack your thread. My husband is Aspie and I was initially attracted by his looks, humour etc. Now we've been married 13 years I love his passion for his stamp collection and alternate perspective on life he gives me.

I too, have also felt that my aspie traits/personality has caused some of my friends to begin taking some distance away from me,people at my school sometimes find it strange and weird to be around me,for I've seen it their reactions and behaviors, because of what I do,what my interests are,who I like to hang out with,because of how I talk and act...