Question about social training/cognitive behavioral therapy

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swoody1
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11 Apr 2008, 7:54 pm

Does anyone know if social training with cognitive behavioral therapy acutally helps? Any experience on this? Right now ANYTHING other than what I am stuck with dealing with right now in social situations can be helpful, so feedback is appreciated:) I get alot of social anxiety, I can't carry on conversations that maintain interest (or even start one for that matter) can't look people in the eye, etc.... this all goes away once I have a few drinks in me:) (but obviously I am looking for a better, less-destructive way to help overcome my social ineptness)


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886
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17 Apr 2008, 12:06 am

Alcohol doesn't cure social ineptness. :?


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swoody1
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17 Apr 2008, 1:01 am

Anyone else?



Zane
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17 Apr 2008, 11:43 am

Here is what I know.

All my life people have told me about my "flaws" in social situations.

All my life doctors and family members have easily and with no problem pointed out to me my "differences".

Taking all of these "suggestions" into account I began to work on myself.

My posture was poor, so I researched and began to lean about my body. My posture is still poor but much much better. It is not mostly an emotional battle to fix my posture.

If you truly want to fix your social anxiety then here are three ways to do so. All of which will force your mind to grow.

1. People watch/listen. Observe how people interact. Observe how people act when hanging out alone at a coffee shop. Observe yourself. Observe what you do that others don't.

I used to rub my legs a lot. To me it felt good. To other people it seemed awkward or in some cases like I was masturbating. So I stopped doing it. did I suffer? Not at all. I just made a choice. Now I rub my legs in strategic ways. Like when I am stretching. Or I do it at home.

Also join a group and listen to them, chill out and don't say anything unless you have something that can add to the situation. I find a lot of times I want to talk to get attention and feel like I am being accepted. But when I open my mouth I lose more respect than I gain. So now I take on more of the cool Luke persona and only add my two cents when it matters.

2. Practice. This may seem hard because it is. But rest assured it becomes easier the more you do it. Start simple. Ask people you don't know for the time. Ask people you don't know for directions. Start conversations with people just for the sake of learning. Ask people questions. I used to do that all of the time. I would even ask people why they were laughing. People want to help me. Most of the time they laugh because what I do is out of the norm. But that's the thing when I ask them for help EG "What do you guys do?" then I get it. "Well first off Zane, you have got to stop ..."

3. Get active. The more you do, the more you are forced to become social.

On the note of eye contact. I still do not fully understand my eye contact issues. But what I do know is there are times when I avert my eyes. And there are times when I make full on contact. Just practice looking people in the eyes. And it is important you understand why people make eye contact. Eye contact shows interest, it allows for better listening, and in some cases it is quite intimate.

-Zane


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AnnieDog
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18 Apr 2008, 11:13 am

With social training, I found that it is so circumstance-specific that I had to mostly live it to get it right. CBT could help you define some weak areas and give you starting points, you can do some group work so that others can tell you what they hear/see when you communicate. I think to approach fluency you have to branch out into the world (when ready).

I have a couple of close friends that will point out (like you would to a small child) when I say something rude or impolite. That is exceptionally helpful for allowing me to communicate in a more socially-acceptable manner. I also do advance research & practice: for example, I'll read up on how to do "party chatter", create some scripts and pre-defined questions, and then try it at some company party.

I have done some physical therapy to help me move with more confidence and fluidity. That helped me to not walk into walls and doors - definitely awkward.

I'm not trying to fake it as an NT, but I also don't want to be overtly rude if I can avoid it.


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Reodor_Felgen
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19 Apr 2008, 6:13 am

Social training helped me. I'm not trying to be a NT, but I do enjoy contact with other people.


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