help please?
I mean really, I start college with all new people and whatnot and i've not made a single friend in two days now. Like the girls are pairing up with all the other guys and stuff, and here I am alone on my computer as always. I thought college was suppose to be better than this? Feels like highschool minus the obessive bullying. I dunno, maybe I'm over reacting but this social stuff is stressing me out man, and I don't know how to make friends and not seem like the quiet weird dude who stares at girls.
1) Can´t make new friends in 2 days, son don´t panic!
2) Come on, turn that computer off for one week! Seriously, go out and do something. Do some sport or pick classes where you can interact with other people. Also, try to improve your bodylanguage,eye contact, appearance and so on. A new school means a fresh start, so you should change something. At least try
It seems that you really WANT to find new friends, so you should start to work on conversational and social skills. When I started to improve these things, I watched my friends a lot and tried to figure out, what I did wrong in social interactions. It can be weird at first changing your behaviour, but with repetition you´ll get used to it. So: Turn off your damn computer and practice interacting with real people. You can do it
What exactly are your problems? Some examples maybe?
People tend to bond over shared activities. When I started college I noticed a lot of kids were exploring the facilities, and for example at the athletic center there were group trainings required for things like the Nautilus machines. One didn't have to talk to others in the group, but they became familiar faces.
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- NYGOI
NB: contents of above post represent my opinion at time of post only. YMMV, NAYY, and most importantly, IALBTC!
I didn't make friends at college for about 9 months, well after I moved out of the dorms.
Remember, college friends are elective, not mandatory. You don't have to team up with just anybody.
And colleges have clubs/organizations for just about everything. I was in the canoe club, of all things.
First of all, you have to ask yourself if you want to be included in that sort of social gathering in the first place.
I understand the pressure you feel, to make friends with your new peers. I went through much of the same kind of thing even when I was two years into my old college, and I'm going through it all over again with the move to this new college. It may not be the answer you want, but from my experience, it sounds like the best thing you can do to help yourself is to relax a bit, and stop being so hard on yourself about making friends so fast. Relationships, whether you're talking about friends, career colleagues, or significant others, don't happen overnight-- they're gradual processes. Two days is nothing; in the span of the rest of your time at college, even if you are very passive and reserved, you will make some friends-- take it from an Aspie who's been there. You just need to focus on doing things at a pace that is comfortable for you, and not pressuring yourself into situations that will ultimately make you uncomfortable. It's those kinds of things, when we do things that make us unhappy because we believe we'll gain friends, that actually end up doing more harm than good.
It may not always be an option-- I know at my last college it wasn't, because of the heavy workload-- but extracurricular activities like clubs are a good way to meet people, particularly if you're interested in the subject matter. If you feel comfortable with it, try looking for clubs that appeal to you-- chances are, you'll have the opportunity to meet some people with some common interests.