Is there more than one kind of flirting?

Page 1 of 1 [ 11 posts ] 

Ticker
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Aug 2006
Age: 50
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,139

20 Aug 2008, 12:00 am

I mean is all flirting sexual or is there some other type of flirting that is not talked about much? I have never been one to have much socializing with any but a few close friends and even with them most I keep an arm's length away. So in other words I'm older but still not sure sometimes at what point what some people mean when they talk to me as I've learned often that there is underlying mean to other people's words.

The situation is the past two days I have been talking on phone with my former psychologist. I called her about making new appointments and she was exceedingly friendly and joking and playing on words with me. I even joked how she tortured me and she said how doctors always love to torture their patients and her tone was very sexual sounding. Then today she called me and we chatted at length and we both kept teasing at each other playing with words. Her voice seemed seductive and she was very teasing, but not in a mean way, more in a flirty way. All I know is it felt like the sexual tension like you see between Mulder and Scully on X-Files.

In the past I was attracted to my therapist because she is rather sexy, but then I grew to hate her. In therapy she was always nice, well most of the time, but we never talked before like we have the past two days. She even told me I could call and "harass" her on her day off so she would remember to call me back about something she is looking up. Why that choice of words? Couldn't she have just said "remind her". It feels fun inside to talk like this especially since she is intelligent which makes it easier for me to talk to her, so its like when it feels this fun inside is it because she is flirting with me? It reminds me the way some old friends who were into BDSM used to talk with each other. Or is she trying to create transference again before we start therapy sessions up again?



Keith
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Aug 2008
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,595
Location: East Sussex, UK

20 Aug 2008, 12:06 am

I find flirting easy to do, hard to understand. Describing how to flirt to someone who has never done it, to me is impossible as I've said to her she is more than welcome to practise flirting with me



Warsie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Apr 2008
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,036
Location: Chicago, IL, USA

20 Aug 2008, 1:10 am

Keith wrote:
I find flirting easy to do, hard to understand. Describing how to flirt to someone who has never done it, to me is impossible as I've said to her she is more than welcome to practise flirting with me


a quick google provides tips
http://www.google.com/search?q=how+to+f ... =firefox-a

I remember wikihow has info like this:
http://www.wikihow.com/Flirt


_________________
I am a Star Wars Fan, Warsie here.
Masterdebating on chi-city's south side.......!


Ticker
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Aug 2006
Age: 50
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,139

20 Aug 2008, 11:21 pm

Uh... thanks for the link. But I'm not trying to learn how to flirt. I'm trying to find out if there is more than one kind of flirting like something other than sexual kind. Or if my therapist is flirting or if this is just some kind of weird conversational exchange that NT's do that I just am not comprehending. Thanks.



i_Am_andaJoy
Supporting Member
Supporting Member

User avatar

Joined: 27 Sep 2007
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,268
Location: Ocala, FL

20 Aug 2008, 11:29 pm

Ticker wrote:
Uh... thanks for the link. But I'm not trying to learn how to flirt. I'm trying to find out if there is more than one kind of flirting like something other than sexual kind. Or if my therapist is flirting or if this is just some kind of weird conversational exchange that NT's do that I just am not comprehending. Thanks.


i don't know the answer. but i have been in similar situations and been confused. it seems like that way of talking is common to use if you are just friends, but i find it confusing.

i think some flirting is like politness. like, a guy should tell old ladies that "if i was only 20 years younger!! !" or something because it is polite-flirting.

i don't know. but sometimes i get caught up in a conversation, mimic the other person's tone, and i FEEL flirty, and i am always thinking-- what the hell is going on?


_________________
www.asaspiepie.blogspot.com
Even in his lowest swoop, the mountain eagle is still higher than the other birds upon the plain, even though they soar. --Herman Melville


Ticker
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Aug 2006
Age: 50
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,139

21 Aug 2008, 12:15 am

i_Am_andaJoy wrote:

i don't know the answer. but i have been in similar situations and been confused. it seems like that way of talking is common to use if you are just friends, but i find it confusing.

i think some flirting is like politness. like, a guy should tell old ladies that "if i was only 20 years younger!! !" or something because it is polite-flirting.

i don't know. but sometimes i get caught up in a conversation, mimic the other person's tone, and i FEEL flirty, and i am always thinking-- what the hell is going on?


That's it exactly! I hold conversations by mimicing others. I either recall similar earlier conversations and use the same techniques and phrases or mimic the person at that moment and try to use some of their same words and body languare. Because I honestly have no clue how to talk with people who are not close friends. I've gotten myself in trouble mimicing those who are sarcastic and joke harshly to co-workers. Apparently its a fine line when to stop and how harsh to get and I have crossed it at times in the past or at least I got the sense I did. Its not fun wandering aimlessly through life not having a clue what is really going on around me!



EnglishLulu
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Apr 2006
Age: 50
Gender: Female
Posts: 788

21 Aug 2008, 3:31 pm

Some people are natural flirts and they will flirt with people of both sexes even if they are heterosexual, for example.

It's kind of an excessive flattery, joking and sexy humour, paying compliments, oiling the wheels of social intercourse.

It can be difficult though for aspies to know which is which.

I mean, it's hard enough to learn to recognise any kind of flirting. I was notoriously dumb about that kind of thing. But I learned a bit about the signs. And then I thought someone was flirting with me in a member of the opposite sex sexual sense. And they weren't. :oops:



GoatOnFire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Feb 2007
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,149
Location: Den of the ecdysiasts

22 Aug 2008, 1:25 am

Flirting with danger? That might be different. Or is it?

Tough question.


_________________
I will befriend the friendless, help the helpless, and defeat... the feetless?


TutuFairy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Jan 2008
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Posts: 826
Location: Fairyland

23 Aug 2008, 12:24 pm

Yeah, there are other kinds of flirting, but they are all for the same purpose (the sole purpose of our existence is reproduction). My sister accuses me of flirting with guys all the time, but I don't mean to and usually don't even know that I'm doing it.


_________________
"Life is clean when you got the freak gene."

-Me and Schuyler


carturo222
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 3 Aug 2008
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,674
Location: Colombia

29 Aug 2008, 8:50 am

You have a huge advantage in that she's your former therapist and you have some history of talking intimate things. I think you should feel free to ask her directly what she's trying to do. If you feel confused, worried, or uncomfortable, tell her. She's got just the right training to deal with your uncertainty.

Believe me, you'll never have another chance like this to know what a woman is doing. The fact that she's your former therapist will allow you to treat this subject with full honesty. Her professional ethics won't allow her to lie to you if you tell her how her attitude is making you feel. This chance of getting the sort of information you need won't be possible with any other kind of woman. Seize this chance.



Tahitiii
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jul 2008
Age: 63
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,506
Location: USA

29 Aug 2008, 9:39 am

Ticker wrote:
...is she trying to create transference again before we start therapy sessions up again?
That's my first impulse.

My second impulse is that people often use sexual tension to sell whatever they've got. Actors and comedians use it all the time. Some come by it naturally, some cultivate it or learn it in acting school.
I don't mean to sound cynical. It's not a bad thing if you just let it flow and don't take it as anything important. EnglishLulu said it another way.
EnglishLulu wrote:
It's kind of an excessive flattery, joking and sexy humor, paying compliments, oiling the wheels of social intercourse.


My next thought is -- what if she really is flirting, and has designs on you? That would be a bad thing, with lots of subtle power games... If so, you will figure it out eventually. Does she cross any lines? Does she move too far into your space, or touch you to punctuate a sentence?
Do you want her to be flirting, and if so, why? Would you want something to actually happen between you, or just for the ego-boost?

Finding a shrink that's worth anything at all is hard. I've never seen one. The conversations are brief and shallow and worthless. I'm just a rat to be manipulated. To actually talk to a person -- I can't imagine. A relationship like that might actually be worth something.

Whatever is happening, analysis would kill it. Killing it would be a good thing if there is something sinister happening. But if the flirty thing is nothing important and she's just trying to connect so that she can get the job done, I would leave it alone and play along.