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larsenjw92286
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12 Dec 2005, 3:18 pm

I know. That was a bad joke, but now that I've heard it more than once, I believe it.


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CSI_3_Katt
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12 Dec 2005, 3:23 pm

Aspie1 wrote:
There seems to be a double standard. When an NT says a wrong thing, all he/she has to do is say: "No, I didn't mean X, I meant Y", and everyone gives an "oh ok, no problem", and all is forgotten. When an aspie say a wrong thing by mistake, no one listens, no matter how hard an aspie tries to explain him/herself. And the aspie has to take the heat for many days, just because he/she made an honest mistake. That irritates me to no end. Does anyone else feel this way?


I've noticed a problem with that too. If I try to say something serious everyone tries to make a joke out of it, but if an NT starts to say the same thing they are taken more seriously. :( Then I get all frustrated and can't talk straight.


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rearden
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13 Dec 2005, 4:46 am

Aspie1 wrote:
There seems to be a double standard. When an NT says a wrong thing, all he/she has to do is say: "No, I didn't mean X, I meant Y", and everyone gives an "oh ok, no problem", and all is forgotten. When an aspie say a wrong thing by mistake, no one listens, no matter how hard an aspie tries to explain him/herself. And the aspie has to take the heat for many days, just because he/she made an honest mistake. That irritates me to no end. Does anyone else feel this way?


YES!! ! And I found out why.

We aspies like to explain things in detail. Personally, when I screw up, I want to explain exactly what I was thinking and what I did as a result, and how that led to the screwup.

However NT's don't understand this for some reason. The instant they hear any kind of lengthy explanation, they automatically think it's a lie. The more you try to explain, the more they think you're just just spouting excuses. Amazingly, the more ambiguous and brief you are (i.e. the more you act like you're BSing/lying!), the more they trust that you made an honest mistake.

My NT business partner used to flip out when I'd misunderstand something, screw it up, and then try to explain what I was thinking and why I did what I did. Now I just say "Damn, I sure f'd that up! Better fix it!" and he is completely understanding.

I don't even try to figure that one out anymore.



neongrl
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13 Dec 2005, 9:00 am

rearden wrote:
We aspies like to explain things in detail. Personally, when I screw up, I want to explain exactly what I was thinking and what I did as a result, and how that led to the screwup.

However NT's don't understand this for some reason. The instant they hear any kind of lengthy explanation, they automatically think it's a lie. The more you try to explain, the more they think you're just just spouting excuses. Amazingly, the more ambiguous and brief you are (i.e. the more you act like you're BSing/lying!), the more they trust that you made an honest mistake.


Thanks for explaining that one - it's always caused trouble for me too.



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13 Dec 2005, 2:48 pm

I have the problem of being too direct apparently, at least that is what I am told. I use the right words but appaerntly there was a warmer fuzzier way to say them, I don't know.


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Aspie1
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14 Dec 2005, 9:04 pm

rearden wrote:
We aspies like to explain things in detail. Personally, when I screw up, I want to explain exactly what I was thinking and what I did as a result, and how that led to the screwup.

However NT's don't understand this for some reason. The instant they hear any kind of lengthy explanation, they automatically think it's a lie. The more you try to explain, the more they think you're just just spouting excuses. Amazingly, the more ambiguous and brief you are (i.e. the more you act like you're BSing/lying!), the more they trust that you made an honest mistake.

My NT business partner used to flip out when I'd misunderstand something, screw it up, and then try to explain what I was thinking and why I did what I did. Now I just say "dam*, I sure f'd that up! Better fix it!" and he is completely understanding.

I don't even try to figure that one out anymore.

Wow! This really put things in perspective. I kind of started to realize that myself, but this captures it in words perfectly. Thanks. :)



ramsamsam
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15 Dec 2005, 6:26 am

Sometimes things get said to me and I can't make sense of what has been said, and I demand to know what the person was trying to say to me.



pooftis
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15 Dec 2005, 11:37 am

rearden wrote:

YES!! ! And I found out why.

We aspies like to explain things in detail. Personally, when I screw up, I want to explain exactly what I was thinking and what I did as a result, and how that led to the screwup.

However NT's don't understand this for some reason. The instant they hear any kind of lengthy explanation, they automatically think it's a lie. The more you try to explain, the more they think you're just just spouting excuses. Amazingly, the more ambiguous and brief you are (i.e. the more you act like you're BSing/lying!), the more they trust that you made an honest mistake.

My NT business partner used to flip out when I'd misunderstand something, screw it up, and then try to explain what I was thinking and why I did what I did. Now I just say "dam*, I sure f'd that up! Better fix it!" and he is completely understanding.

I don't even try to figure that one out anymore.


You know I never really thought about this until I read your post, but this is true, I have noticed people take crappy answers (that I personally am usually thinking are lies) as the truth, but honest answers as BS. Weird.


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Louise
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17 Dec 2005, 7:51 pm

"The instant they hear any kind of lengthy explanation, they automatically think it's a lie."

I get mildly anxious about this sometimes. It was once said to me that the more you try and cover something over, the more attention it draws to it - so rather than being reassuring, it'll make a person more confused and suspicious as to *why* you're talking about it.

Therefore, when I want to explain something, I find myself thinking 'Am I saying too much? Should I have been briefer somehow? Are they taking this at face value?' And with typing it can be even worse, as I'll occasionally find myself worriedly and repeatedly re-writing posts, trying to not look as if I'm over-explaining something. It doesn't happen often, but the knowledge that a person may or may not believe me can sometimes be very unnerving.

"Sometimes things get said to me and I can't make sense of what has been said, and I demand to know what the person was trying to say to me."

I also get that. One of the very worst things you can say to me is 'Never mind, it doesn't matter', or 'forget it'. :x :(