I seem to keep pissing people off just for asking for help.

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nightbender
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19 Apr 2009, 12:25 pm

Lately people have been telling me off just for asking for help. Like if i just tell them what my problems are they tell me there there is nothing they can do/im not trying hard enough/your just going to be like that forever./it something that can only work its self out. Or just talking to people i piss them off. Dammit its hard enough having the problems i have, but worse because noone wants to give me the time of day anymore. Is it something im doing or is it something else.



DragonShadow
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19 Apr 2009, 12:30 pm

i have the same exact problem. it's hard for me to talk to people without annoying them.

like, i go up and talk to people or ask them for help, and they tell me "go away, you're bugging me" or they say "ask someone else". in most cases they help me...but i know that they don't want to because they seem annoyed.

i don't really know how to talk to them without annoying them.



gina-ghettoprincess
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19 Apr 2009, 12:45 pm

I get told that I'm not special and I don't deserve help.


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i_wanna_blue
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19 Apr 2009, 12:57 pm

I've faced this problem too, and I have learned one thing...

People will only empathize if your problems are 'common', something Joe Public might face and deal with everyday. Problems with self esteem, poor social skills and anxiety,you wont get much help from (both advice and support). There are only two people (now) that I trust to speak about the above. My psychologist and my psychiatrist.



gina-ghettoprincess
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19 Apr 2009, 1:06 pm

i_wanna_blue wrote:
I've faced this problem too, and I have learned one thing...

People will only empathize if your problems are 'common', something Joe Public might face and deal with everyday. Problems with self esteem, poor social skills and anxiety,you wont get much help from (both advice and support). There are only two people (now) that I trust to speak about the above. My psychologist and my psychiatrist.


(I love your new avatar with the beach and the water, BTW)

People always say to me that "everyone has that problem", actually. Which is BS, because if "everyone" was like me, they wouldn't be actively seeking socialisation, would they? :roll:


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i_wanna_blue
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19 Apr 2009, 1:22 pm

^
Thank you gina. :D

'Everyone has that problem' is just another way of saying, I'm not motivated enough to see things from your point of view. (be your problems common or unique)



richardbenson
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19 Apr 2009, 2:42 pm

nightbender, i think its because you "project" a little too much bud. all your topics are the same, wich is "im in pain, and feel like s**t" everybodys in pain and feels like s**t dude. i dont mean to be inconsiderate but it seems like the boy who cried wolf



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19 Apr 2009, 5:05 pm

nightbender wrote:
Is it something im doing or is it something else.


Hard to tell really.


1. What are you asking them, something they could relate to or even help you with?

2. How do you ask them?

Do you say "excuse me, i'd like your opinion/help with something" or do you rush in/grab hold of them and demand their help?

It is hard to tell without you explaining a bit more about the circumstances.


But i can give you some generic advice:

* Some people dont like people chatting to them when they are stressed out and need to meet a deadline. They want peace and quiet to be able to work.

* Some people will just never like you, and there is nothing you can do about this.

* Some people can get REALLY upset when you wander in and do not say "hello".

* At lunchbreaks people want to eat food and some are very hardcore enforcers about this fact. People have learned to not get between me and an Indian curry :)

* Some people just do not know and if they tell you to go ask someone else, then you should try that. If you ask several questions they cannot answer, they get a bit annoyed either because you are wasting their time, or making them look ignorant.

* Some expect you to know things and also do not want to do your work, that can make then annoyed when you basically "ask them to do your work for you".

* If you have insulted someone (knowingly or not), or stepped on someones feet (bypassed their authority) they can be annoyed and tell you to "get lost".


Hope any of these help you - or someone else... these are hard lessons learned by me from working :roll:


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19 Apr 2009, 5:13 pm

Man, talk to me anytime. I know my attention span is crap, but I like talking to you.



nightbender
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22 Apr 2009, 4:26 pm

zghost wrote:
Man, talk to me anytime. I know my attention span is crap, but I like talking to you.


thanks



nightbender
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22 Apr 2009, 6:35 pm

richardbenson wrote:
nightbender, i think its because you "project" a little too much bud. all your topics are the same, wich is "im in pain, and feel like sh**" everybodys in pain and feels like sh** dude. i dont mean to be inconsiderate but it seems like the boy who cried wolf


i v been slowly noticing this my self and am trying to cut back.



richardbenson
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23 Apr 2009, 2:22 pm

*thows some encouragement* :)



jdn74
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24 Apr 2009, 1:47 am

nightbender wrote:
richardbenson wrote:
nightbender, i think its because you "project" a little too much bud. all your topics are the same, wich is "im in pain, and feel like sh**" everybodys in pain and feels like sh** dude. i dont mean to be inconsiderate but it seems like the boy who cried wolf


i v been slowly noticing this my self and am trying to cut back.


There have been turning points in my life when I had the following epiphanies:
1. Not everyone can be wrong about me when they unanimously agree about any particular issue.
2. I really hated being a pessimist.

Like you, they just kind of slowly occurred to me until it just clicked in my head.

Get out a piece of paper or use a whiteboard like Dr. House, access the problem solving part of your brain, and brainstorm. If its hard for me I like to use a psychological trick and pretend like its someone else's problems I'm solving... you know, what advice I would give someone else.

Another thing that has really helped me is listening/watching/reading motivational material. I especially love Zig Ziglar.

I don't know what you're dealing with exactly, but let me tell you this stuff works. One other thing I like to do is imitate. We are pretty darn good at that, so lets use it to our advantage and imitate successful people. Its not that I never get down in the dumps, frustrated, or burned out - but its certainly fewer and more far between than it used to be. I can't even imagine what life would be like now if I hadn't adapted/learned/incorporated certain traits or behaviors that I didn't have before.

Heck, a FEW people have even supposed that I'm overly and unrealistically optimistic at times, usually because they like being miserable themselves and have to drag everyone down with them, but I'm still perfectly ok with persistently having a positive outlook. It may take days or months (or longer), but it pays off in the end.

Smile buddy! Life is not that bad.



HiTech
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25 Apr 2009, 4:44 pm

Most people get bothered when they hear someone elses problems (because it reminds them of their own).

Couple that to the fact that a 'NT' could never possibly understand what its like to have AS/high functioning autism.

You probably sound to them as if you're looking for pity, even if thats not at all what your trying to achieve, complaining about your problems will make most ppl think thats what your looking for.

Best bet is to stop talking about your problems (why are you talking about your problems to anybody other then a therapist anyways?)



CaptainTrips222
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30 Apr 2009, 9:20 pm

i_wanna_blue wrote:
I've faced this problem too, and I have learned one thing...

People will only empathize if your problems are 'common', something Joe Public might face and deal with everyday. Problems with self esteem, poor social skills and anxiety,you wont get much help from (both advice and support). There are only two people (now) that I trust to speak about the above. My psychologist and my psychiatrist.


That' pretty much it, in a nut shell! Even other family members get annoyed, especially my younger brother. My older brother wants to help, but he can only relate to a degree, being he's NT.