Grief

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Thanks Isabella. I don't usually tell people because it immediately stops all conversation because people are so shocked. They didn't have counselling for children in England in the 1980s so I was just left to struggle on, many people just told me to stop attention seeking when I cried. As a result I bottled it all up and had a huge nervous breakdown 10 years later at university. My whole life fell apart. That's why I am grateful to my husband because he basically rescued me at that time and saved my life. I'd have been dead in a ditch a long time ago if he hadn't turned up.

That's awful that your dad died at Christmas, it makes it all worse somehow at a time when everyone is celebrating and it just reminds you of a sad time. He sounds like a lovely dad to have.

I don't know, I think all forms of loss are awful. I think losing your child must be the worst one. Those awful years when I thought our daughter was going to die were the most terrifying of my life, thank god she is healthy now.

But I don't mean we should put types of loss on some kind of scale, all grief is valid and the human race needs to remember that instead of dismissing grief and mocking people.

Early multiple childhood loss here , people didn’t think kids needed help.We supposedly would grow out of it
Nope.

It’s now 37 years since I host my father, as well as my Shetland sheepdog, who was put down 2 weeks after dad was buried.

Dad was always a pain in my a$$. While he was never diagnosed, I swear he was a narcissist. I was the scapegoat in the family. Anything that went wrong, and I got the blame. Even when I had any kind of success, he would find a way to spoil what little success I enjoyed.

The only thing we ever agreed upon was a Shetland Sheepdog b***h. She was an abuse case when Mom got her from an uncle, who was going to skin her alive because she wouldn’t hunt rabbit. (D’oh! She’s a shepherd! She herds sheep, ducks, people, etc. if it moved, she’ll herd it!). Other than that, she would be in my lap, every chance she could. She never did that with Mom, Dad, or my brothers.

To quote “Hawkeye” Pierce, from an episode of M*A*S*H: “Loneliness is everything it’s cracked up to be.”

Yes! I overheard adults talking, saying things like:

'Of course it's hard on KitLily, but kids soon forget.'

FFS! We don't forget! I could have punched them. I really wish that I hadn't been a good little girl and kept quiet and small. I wish I'd screamed, shouted, set things on fire. Then people might have realised what terrible pain I was in. As it was, I used to search through people's bathrooms for sleeping tablets, hoping to find some so I could end it all.

I suppose it was because I had no safety net. My mum has never been a safe person, she would have retaliated big time if I'd shown the slightest sign of 'being naughty' i.e. grieving. She was never on my side.

That is kicking someone when they're down isn't it. You lose your father then your beloved dog.

Sorry Isabelka..he ( your Dad) sounded like a really lovely person. As a older Aspie , and having outlived a number of people glorious people ( not by choice) ....When as a Aspie you actually just happen to find someone whom can match your friendship level . It is a truley rare thing . Not a husband or a life partner.Or even a parent But that kinda friend you can reach out and talk to in person.And especially if they grew up around you .Is beyond value . Being older you veiw those people as moving on , to a higher existence . But being a Aspie you might not even get invited to their funeral by their immediate NT family . Losing lifelong friends of which is practically impossible ,for a Aspie to accomplish . As time past , was so blessed to have known them. Had they not been alive when my late hubby was killed ( passed). I would not have made it past that point .Only consolation was they my two friends died from natural causes eventually . But younger than they should have ...LIFE partners , husbands etc. especially if a good marriage. Can be crushing it Was for me. Not to say , that I still talk to my late Father, And wonder about questions, And all the life experience he had . After the funeral of my Dad, only I remained ..at the graveside,after the ceremony was over, And cried and cried . One of those great , ever precious friends i had ,finally got me to leave and go home . Dad did things and created things for people and even our US gov. during WW2 . That the Gov, hadnt even conceieved of ,to aid the War effort .On some through some ,very high levels of electronic developments. There was quite a turn out for his funeral. People i had never ever seen before or since .I miss him terribly . And i knew he protected me .

Please stay bee33 ....maybe not everybody plays nice all the time ..And you prolly should not have to worry about that on a Aspie thread..But this planet really needs all the opinions we can present . Cause obviously especially being Aspies often we can process info different than others . So more info better opportunity for better choices , I think.
Am so sorry you have been through what you have ...I personally have a intimate understanding of Prolonged greif.
And is heartfully sad to see another go through it . Glad you are here .

{{{ bee }}}

I’m not sure what’s upset you but I know how hard grief is, and how hard it is for you losing your dear friend. I’ve always tried to support you since you first explained what was happening. If you’re having a trauma meltdown I get that too. Staying here to talk about your feelings might help. Usually the wave will subside or peak and wane, at least momentarily.

Hang in.

???????^^^^^^^ based a post ..i saw before it got taken down^^^^^^?????

That had a qoute in it from a earlier interaction between two of the posters to this thread ?

I’m not sure what you mean about a post taken down, but you just said something about her wanting to leave. I saw her mention that a couple of days ago, too.

She was gone for a while in the past but just came back so I hope she stays this time.

I didn’t see a post with any quotes in it.

yes I understand am glad we are all glad she has returned ...!

Explanation removed.

That's sad. I'm sorry this has happened to you Bee33.

I'd like you to stay if you can.

It's Your norm, but unlikely The norm. Doesn't help that it's been compounded by multiple losses - I'm sure that's affected me to some extent. More than 25 ppl I know died in about 2.5 years, then more since. Some of them hit harder than others but hit after hit didn't help things.

Kinda gotta force myself passed some of the things that constrain me from being productive with work, long overdue todo list things, and fun things like sports etc and just force myself back to Life more and more because I know that logically there's no sense in moping about people that are gone and wasting years of my life just existing in a sort of fog instead of Living. Would be nice if I live an extra long lifespan to make up for some time I've burned just being kinda stunned. But I can't count on that happening with certainty, so, all the more reason to force myself back to Life ever more and better make the most of time sooner rather than later.

Bloody hell, Goldfish, that's a lot of people! Sorry to hear that. Was it during the pandemic 2.5 years?