Who has DESPERATELY tried to fit in at times in their life?
Not in the least. I actually preferred to be left alone. I've never followed any trend, never done anything based on what society tells me I should. Just never cared.
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If Jesus died for my sins, then I should sin as much as possible, so he didn't die for nothing.
For several years I tried to fit into the world, but my customary difficulties with socializing would pop up out of nowhere and for no apparent reason other than to let everyone know that I was different from them. When I began to see the pattern, I stopped trying to gain acceptance. And now the more I learn about AS, the more I realize that it's okay to live in my own little world, which in turn makes it less chaotic.
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fiddlerpianist
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I'm a bit of the opposite. I gravitate towards activities which subtly draw attention to myself. Some of my favorites include knitting and walking (as a dual activity) and blaring traditional Irish music from my car stereo.
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Last edited by fiddlerpianist on 28 May 2009, 11:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.
The issue of trying to fit in actually arose in my life at 36 when i hit group dynamics and rehab. i never really tried as a kid and i never really tried as a teen. I was always an outsider.
When i went to my last rehab and went into 12 step programs, i was confronted with group dynamics for the first time ever - in a way where they were in close proximity to me. I was told in rehab and in therapy I needed to fit in and that my issues were trauma related and i could overcome them. So, i went to NA and AA meetings and then built a solitary career and tried to make some attempts to fit in. These attempts have all been disastrous and painful for me. And exhausting.
I am not trying to imply one should therefore give up on life. Rather, for me, I need to lead the life i am meant to lead,w hcih is somewhat different from the way most tend to live..save for a fair few here.
Since getting a correct ASD dx and since getting proper help with strategies to help me live in the world more happily, I have turfed the many attempts I made from age 36 to 44 or so. I am less suicidal, less fraught with worry and maybe just a tad more self-accepting.
You are an inspiration to me, zoonic. I am going remember your post here, when i get down. thank you.
poopylungstuffing
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It has always seemed like an act of futility. When I was little, half the time I was not actually aware that I didn't fit it..till it was pointed out to me...Either that, or i was in situations where I was not really expected to fit in...living in a mixed culture neighborhood..everyone just sorta got along more-or-less...If you were allowed to play with the neighborhood kids, then you were automatically one of them.
One of the few times I recall every trying to fit in was when I was hanging out with punk-rock political activist types...So i was sorta trying to fit in with a counter-culture. Unfortunately...I just didn't and ended up making a big fool of myself... I went away feeling very alienated from them..and felt like a lot of them were hypocrites.
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fiddlerpianist
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Elememtary through middle school I didn't fit in with anyone. I was teased constantly. I would mostly sit by myself at lunch and I was fine with that. But then I became severely depressed over it and was put on anti-depressants. After that, all through High School I tried desperately to fit in. The problem was I was constantly teased by my "friends". I think some of them only kept me around to make fun of me. (Actually, I read that exact comment somebody wrote, in one of their yearbooks) I don't talk to any of them anymore.
I'm better with people who I share a common interest with, like people who like video games, and other ballet dancers. Once I run out of ballet or video game topics though, I'm usually at a loss for words and people ask me why I'm being so introverted and quiet. I always get asked, "Are you ok? Is something wrong?" when I feel perfectly fine, I just have nothing to say. I'm always labeled the "awkward one" and I just try to go with it and laugh it off but it gets tiring.
Bottom line, I'll never really fit in. I can however have friends and all of you can too. You just have to be okay with getting called awkward and teased a little bit. NTs tease each other all the time too though not just us. (of course you shouldn't have to tollerate anything above mild teasing) This is just my opinion. Even though I'd rather sit at home and draw or play video games all day, I think having at least some friends is a necessity to life.
I briefly joined in with normal teenagehood when i was 15-16, it made me extremely depressed and i had to remove myself from that situation, i lost my best friends (the first best friends i'd ever had) over it but i gained another friend who loved me in all my glory.
I never changed who i was or TRIED to fit in, but for some reason, i was able to fit in somewhat (certainly not completely, far from it) for a little while there.
add 'not recognizing all the rules of corporate mentality' and this pretty well sums it up for me.
I've very rarely tried to fit in; I lack the facility and the inclination. It really doesn't occur to me. Mostly, I'd try to draw as little attention to myself as possible.
In the workplace, I'd adhere stringently to the rules, hoping that would at least prevent ostracism, but it almost never worked. I'm innately conscientious, so work and rules feel very natural to me; however, it meant nothing in the workplace because I didn't fit in socially or read and convey the required body-language. In my adult life, I've mostly been in part-time work in jobs I'm overqualified for, studying, or unemployed. I don't want to "fit in"; just to have access to the workplace and to services that will enable me to achieve autonomy.
i was completely incapable of fitting in, even though i tried very hard, and was severly treated by evil little s****, so consequently went through a phase of completely rejecting society and it's values, living by my own goals and morals.....i now am at a place where i'm accepting some parts of society back into my psyhche on my own terms.
MONKEY
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I used to try way way too hard, I'd try to be like the populars but ended up looking like a compltete div. And I used to say rude things because everyone else seemed to but I ended up just sounding wrong, I even tried to "pick" on a few people but that never worked and I just looked like I was trying to be something I wasn't.
Now I don't really care and just do what I want.
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