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Hala
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

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Joined: 9 Mar 2009
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 441
Location: England

01 Jun 2009, 5:01 pm

pandd wrote:
Hala wrote:
My therapist makes me practice facial expressions but I'm awful at it so she gets angry at me.
I find it really hard to make facial expressions when I'm as nervous and tense as I get during therapy.
Plus, she says things like "You should be embarrassed, having such a blank face. If I was you I would be ashamed" which doesn't make me feel good about myself.
She tries to force me to make facial expressions while I'm speaking, which is doubly hard because I have so much to think about. I have to concentrate on trying to keep talking, not letting my voice shake, not mumbling, speaking in coherent sentences, maintaining some eye contact and then she expects me to make facial expressions too! :(

I spend the whole time toying with the very strong urge to punch her in the face and sprint out of there.

I would have recommended a new therapist (this person is abusive), but I read your later post and saw this was not necessarily an option for you at this time.

Please keep in mind, to say such things as you describe, in such a context, is abuse and so the the person who does this is an abuser; their words and opinions are the words and opinions of an abuser. Anyone who would say such things in such a circumstance is not someone who has useful insight. You can disregard any of their abusive comments in regards to what they might mean about you; they mean nothing about you, the only meaning in such abusive statements is wholly about the abusive person making them.

Using your own judgment and keeping in mind your own comfort level, perhaps next time she makes such a statement you could ask her directly if she is willing to repeat herself verbatim in front of your mother or write her comments (verbatim) down for you. If she asks why, state that you told your mother what she had said earlier, and your mother cannot believe a therapist would ever say such a thing. You find it abusive, your mother feels it is so abusive she cannot believe a therapist would say that, but that unless your therapist believes it is abusive, then she'll have no issue with repeating it to your mother or putting it in writing.

Alternatively, most modern cell phones and mp3 recorders are small and discrete and can easily be set to record while the operator pretends to be turning it off to prevent interruptions.

The most important thing while you are stuck in this situation, is to realize that no amount of someone saying so, makes it so. If you do not believe an abuser when she makes abusive assertions, then the abuse will have much less impact. If you do nothing else, please do keep in mind that any abusive commentary from an abusive person, is a reflection of the abusive person as an abuser, not of reality or yourself. An abuser's abusive comments are always about themselves.


I didn't realise what she was saying was abusive, I was so nervous it took a while for the things she was saying to settle in. Now I think about it I can see that she shouldn't have said those things; she's supposed to be helping me not making me feel like crap.
Thank you for your suggestions. I'll talk to my mum about it again if she continues saying stuff like that in the next session. Fortunately I think I can stop therapy soon so I'll just count them down until I won't have to go again.
My mum told her that I dreaded therapy and she seemed annoyed with me. She said that she shouldn't be bothering to help me if I'm not going to take it seriously. But it wasn't that I wasn't taking therapy seriously, it was that it scared the hell out of me. :?
I'm not sure if I'd have the courage to ask her to write down the things she says, as I find it hard enough to speak around her anyway. She doesn't go out of her way to make me feel comfortable, in fact she seems to completely disregard my obvious discomfort and sees it as an annoyance. I can understand someone being annoyed with my social inadequacy but surely she should have a high level of tolerance to such things, being a therapist?
I'll try not to over-analyse anything she says that offends me any more. I don't think she's a very nice person at all and I don't understand why she's in the job she's in. Maybe she's been hardened by having to deal with 'difficult' people for years. Either way, I'll try to not let it affect me.



typ3
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

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Joined: 17 May 2009
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 138

01 Jun 2009, 5:11 pm

All the time, just for fun. :lol:

I couldn't for the life of me put it into practical use, since conscious effort usually causes me to overdo it. It's good for pictures and comedy though.



DMark
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

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Joined: 21 Mar 2009
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 54

03 Jun 2009, 8:41 pm

Not only is this therapist not right for you, she shouldn't be practicing, period. And you should tell her so.

Hala wrote:
pandd wrote:
Hala wrote:
My therapist makes me practice facial expressions but I'm awful at it so she gets angry at me.
I find it really hard to make facial expressions when I'm as nervous and tense as I get during therapy.
Plus, she says things like "You should be embarrassed, having such a blank face. If I was you I would be ashamed" which doesn't make me feel good about myself.
She tries to force me to make facial expressions while I'm speaking, which is doubly hard because I have so much to think about. I have to concentrate on trying to keep talking, not letting my voice shake, not mumbling, speaking in coherent sentences, maintaining some eye contact and then she expects me to make facial expressions too! :(

I spend the whole time toying with the very strong urge to punch her in the face and sprint out of there.

I would have recommended a new therapist (this person is abusive), but I read your later post and saw this was not necessarily an option for you at this time.

Please keep in mind, to say such things as you describe, in such a context, is abuse and so the the person who does this is an abuser; their words and opinions are the words and opinions of an abuser. Anyone who would say such things in such a circumstance is not someone who has useful insight. You can disregard any of their abusive comments in regards to what they might mean about you; they mean nothing about you, the only meaning in such abusive statements is wholly about the abusive person making them.

Using your own judgment and keeping in mind your own comfort level, perhaps next time she makes such a statement you could ask her directly if she is willing to repeat herself verbatim in front of your mother or write her comments (verbatim) down for you. If she asks why, state that you told your mother what she had said earlier, and your mother cannot believe a therapist would ever say such a thing. You find it abusive, your mother feels it is so abusive she cannot believe a therapist would say that, but that unless your therapist believes it is abusive, then she'll have no issue with repeating it to your mother or putting it in writing.

Alternatively, most modern cell phones and mp3 recorders are small and discrete and can easily be set to record while the operator pretends to be turning it off to prevent interruptions.

The most important thing while you are stuck in this situation, is to realize that no amount of someone saying so, makes it so. If you do not believe an abuser when she makes abusive assertions, then the abuse will have much less impact. If you do nothing else, please do keep in mind that any abusive commentary from an abusive person, is a reflection of the abusive person as an abuser, not of reality or yourself. An abuser's abusive comments are always about themselves.


I didn't realise what she was saying was abusive, I was so nervous it took a while for the things she was saying to settle in. Now I think about it I can see that she shouldn't have said those things; she's supposed to be helping me not making me feel like crap.
Thank you for your suggestions. I'll talk to my mum about it again if she continues saying stuff like that in the next session. Fortunately I think I can stop therapy soon so I'll just count them down until I won't have to go again.
My mum told her that I dreaded therapy and she seemed annoyed with me. She said that she shouldn't be bothering to help me if I'm not going to take it seriously. But it wasn't that I wasn't taking therapy seriously, it was that it scared the hell out of me. :?
I'm not sure if I'd have the courage to ask her to write down the things she says, as I find it hard enough to speak around her anyway. She doesn't go out of her way to make me feel comfortable, in fact she seems to completely disregard my obvious discomfort and sees it as an annoyance. I can understand someone being annoyed with my social inadequacy but surely she should have a high level of tolerance to such things, being a therapist?
I'll try not to over-analyse anything she says that offends me any more. I don't think she's a very nice person at all and I don't understand why she's in the job she's in. Maybe she's been hardened by having to deal with 'difficult' people for years. Either way, I'll try to not let it affect me.



mosto
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

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Joined: 31 May 2009
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 210
Location: Sydney, Australia

04 Jun 2009, 7:05 am

marshall wrote:
I have trouble smiling in pictures. I look creepy and fake when I'm forced to hold a smile too long. The smaller facial muscles needed to make a smile look natural tire too quickly if I'm not genuinely happy. NT's are better at that than I am, especially NT women.

Yes I have the exact same problem. I look like a psycho when I smile. I can do like a childish/cheeky smile which is a poor substitute. One has to smile to make the opposite sex comfortable with you. I can't do it.