Is this a typical ASD social issue?

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My Son (just turned 4) is very controlling with Daughters (2) play time... Mostly how she plays and what she plays with.

Everything she has, he wants and will take it from her.

When they play together, he wants her to do what he wants ie; get in their ride about cars and ride into certain rooms or certain routes or a certain direction.... If she doesnt follow him he gets extremely frustrated with her and always ends in tears.

They play with toy prams, and my Son will always want a certain one, so will take away the one daughter is using and give her the one he doesnt want... Then he wants her to carry certain toys in the pram and follow him wherever he goes.

On the swing set he always tries to make her go on a certain swing or down the slide.

Or if they are watching a DVD together, he wants her to sit on a certain side of the bed.

There's many more but I think you get the idea. My daughter gets extremely upset... It seems she just can't play with what she wants or in her time/space.

I'm forever breaking up fights during play time... and trying to explain to my Son that he cant make her do what he wants all the time.

She loves when He is at school 6 hours a week... She plays so independently and is clearly happy having her space.

Is this usual ASD social behaviour to want to control play? How can I tackle this one? Seem's my verbalising reasons why he shouldnt be doing it is having no affect.

Thanks in advance

I don't know if it is or not but my 4 year old daughter is JUST like this with her 2 year old brother. We have not yet gone through the evaluation (on the dreaded waiting list)

Hmmm... I wonder if it's just a normal stage that siblings go through?


Is your Daughter having the assessment?

Between my sister and I, I am the one with ASD traits (lack of eye contact,social isolation etc.) but my mother tells me when we were toddlers she totally dominated me and I offered no resistance. She would steal my bottle or answer for me when my mother tried to encourage me to talk. She also said as a baby I didn't cry unless I was hungry or needed a diaper change. I wonder if it's one of those the opposite is also true things. I am not formally diagnosed but my son is. That I am somewhere on the spectrum I "know" in my gut. Actually I can't think of a single family member who is completely N.T.

no I think it's typical older sibling vs younger sibling stuff. If their ages were reversed she'd probably be trying to control him.

I think it may be a combination of typical childhood behaviour and ASD.

I completely dominated my younger sister (18 months age gap) and I have friends who were the same with their younger brothers or sisters. I have read that this is more likely to happen with an age gap of less than three years, as the older child is only just becoming aware of themself and their position in the family, when along comes a rival for their parents affections and attention.

What I would say is that the details of the behaviour seem akin to the lining up of toys, set routines etc which are common with ASDs.

I wish you well. I look back now and think how hard it must have been for my parents when I behaved like that.

I have 5 children 1yo girl, 6yo boy, 7 yo boy asd, 13yo girl and 16yo girl. With James I have totally experienced that no matter who it is in the household he is playing with James has to be in control. Video games, board games, legos or anything. With my experiance I believe it is the asd. With my other children I have never witnessed this. Even if I am coloring with him he wants me to color things a certian way

I think it's a matter of details (i.e. many AS behaviors are typical of NT as well, but the difference is they are either exaggerated or lacking. They are either too intense/much/often/unusually presenting and that causes concern or they are lacking and that causes concern) and also personality.

I am the one with AS, and my sister was the one who was very dominant i was like Aimless, very much withdrawn and quiet and in my own world, i didn't have any interest confrontation and i never cried as a baby either ... i was a very easy kid and a very dominatable little sister. But my kids are the opposite, the possibly AS one is the more dominant.

This behavior however is something that concerns me, but is not really one of the main reasons why we're going for the evaluation. I do think her AS traits amplify this otherwise probably normal behavior.

It's TYPICAL between kids!

I read a great book by John Robison, who has Asperger's and wrote "Look Me In The Eye" about growing up and not knowing he had it. Anyway, I remember a part in the book where he described getting VERY frustrated with other children who didn't play with toys EXACTLY the way he felt they should be played with. As a result, he had few friends.

If you haven't read this book, you should. It's illuminating to get an insider's perspective of what's going on in the kids' heads at this age and why they do what they do (at least, in John Robison's case).

Otherwise, yeah, it's typical big sibling stuff. Maybe a little more exaggerated than you'd get with NT kids, but typical nonetheless.

My son is exactly the same way. It isn't with a sibling, but it's with everyone he plays with. I play with him but I let him do the driving and we get along great. He seems to get along well with younger kids he can control or older kids that put up with that. He doesn't necessarily get frustrated, although he does sometimes, he just leaves and plays by himself. He's happy to do that because he can do what he wants.

He is in social skills therapy partially for this reason.