I can't take criticism of any kind.

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I have a tremendous problem with any sort of criticism. Any kind of hint or correction and I fly into a spiral of self doubt and self hatred. Even on the internet when I'm corrected I just feel like deleting the whole account and calling it quits. I have actually done this before. I think it's harder on the web because I can't sense any kind of tone or point to a statement. Occasionally in real life I can calm down and listen but most of the time I just fly into a depressed state or else explode. My Wife, Mother and Father are the only ones I can even consider listening to or accepting what they have to say. But even that's not always true. I don't quite know what I'm looking for through this post but I "just wanted to share".

I could have written your post word for word and it would be perfectly true for me as well.

Some recent incidents in real life and online seemed to bring everything to a head and forced me to look at myself and try to see why I kept running into variations of the same issue in so many different contexts.

Honestly - I can't identify why criticism hurts so badly in some cases. I'm pretty sure the criticism that is killing me emotionally is stuff that a NT would just shrug off. I even got a lecturing email from a friend of mine about one recent incident where she told me that I need to just *let it go*. What I can never explain to her is that it's terribly hard for me to let it go. In some cases - I'm defending something that I feel is very important and very right. And the criticism or response to me is that maybe what I'm defending isn't right. And for me, I know that they are wrong. And I take their stance as a deep criticism of me (rather than the issue) and it hurts me to the core.

What I know that I need to learn to do is recognize that THEY can have their own opinions and even though I think they are wrong, I have to remember that their opinion does not make me wrong - or is not even intended as being personally against me.

Kind of thinking out loud here - so hope that makes some sense. This is a real issue in my life on almost a daily basis. Right now my way to cope is to shut up and work it out privately. But this isn't a long term solution, I don't think.

Is this something that you find is universal for all criticism, or just specific types? I'm like that in a lot of ways, but there are certain forms that I can accept and even appreciate. If I'm doing something wrong, and someone tells me, at the time, exactly what and why, and how to do it better, I'm usually OK. Also, if someone tells me something informationally, I'm likely to appreciate it, particularly if I can discuss it with them and fit it into what I already know. On the other hand, telling me that something is wrong without specifying how to improve it will pretty much always send me into a depressive panic, no matter how mild the criticism is. I guess it makes me feel hopeless and like their frustration with me will just build until they actually are massively nasty. Hmm, I'm not sure I said that right.. The thing is that it has nothing to do with the strength/severity of the criticism, and everything to do with the approach and mindset.

I'm with ya. I found, in later years, that it became easier. Especially when it involved something that twelve other people had said to me before, for example. Also, I take it better when coming from someone I genuinely respect.

Sometimes it would help if I could disassociate my emotion and analzye it objectively. This was only successful when the criticism was presented in an objective an non-threatening, non-emotional manner. I've learned to try to solicit feedback from these types of people.

A line from my horoscope from about a week ago really helped me think about when I take criticism personally:
"Don't succumb to any fears of inadequacy, for they are probably based on
some prior failure rather than what's happening in the present."
I don't know if I have Autism or Asperger's but I understand what you mean when you can't see past the criticism and don't objectively see what's being said. I oftentimes feel like people expect certain things out of me when I talk to them. It'll be nothing specific what I feel is wrong with me or what I'm not doing right, just that I'm failing at acting the right way during the conversation/interaction. Basically, I try to let go of any doubts I have in myself in such situations, then I think about how I should effectively handle the situation or conversation so it goes in a productive way. Am I making sense? I noticed a lot of ramblers on this discussion, so I think I'm doing my part to be on that bandwagon too

Exactly the same here, I don't know what to do.

There are two forms of criticism. These are constructive criticism and destructive criticism. As a teenage I was subjected to 3 years of torture in the form of verbal and physical abuse at the hands of my peer group. This is destructive criticism. As a result I became very desensitized to all forms of criticism. After being told over and over again that I was worthless, stupid, ignorant, defective, and every other name in the book, in order to keep my sanity I learned to ignore all forms of criticism. But over the years I have learned that there are two forms. One form is called constructive criticism. This goal of this form is to make someone better. It is important to know that the person who gives constructive criticism has your best interest at heart. They are trying to make a better you or trying to help you solve a problem. They are not trying to attack or destroy you and they are not trying to play mind games with you. They care about you and wish you well.

So it is not always easy to distinguish which form of criticism is directed your way. But that is very important to try and distinguish the two and respond positively to constructive criticism. Because we are Aspies it is hard for us to detect deceit in others (sarcasm). So I generally take the approach that criticism is constructive until I determine otherwise.

It depends on what the criticism is. I loathe criticism if it has anything to do with my age. My uncle is the worst person to be around because nearly everything I say he finds criticism and connects it to my age, like he's obsessed with it.

Me: I'm afraid to go under the water
Uncle: Oh, Jo! Fancy being scared of water at your age!
Me: I know but I nearly drowned once and it was terrifying
Uncle: That was when you were 12! Get over it and grow up!
(Incidents in childhood can have an effect on you as an adult, and can also be known as PTSD)

My mum: I've got to do the grocery shopping now
My uncle: Jo should do it, she's big and old enough!
(My mum wasn't even complaining about it, and I was doing other stuff)

Me: Mum, are you ready to come to [place we planned on going to together]
My uncle: Jo, you're a grown adult woman, why don't you go by yourself?
(I wasn't even asking my uncle, he needn't butt in like that, let alone criticise)

My mum: When I go on holiday will you mind feeding the cat?
Me: Sure, no problem
My uncle: Of course Jo should, she's capable, she's an adult, not a child
(Um, WTF???)

Yes, that's my uncle for you. I take it as criticism of some sort. Then people wonder why I avoid him these days.

I can't take compliments or criticism, especially about my appearance, IQ, personality, moral character

Judgmental and manipulative

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me"


Wrong


For me


Words "hurt"


Words just don't "help"



Counselor Jeanne Courtney gets 75 hour to sit around flapping her stupidass trap


Nothing she told me was worth that much

I've learned to take criticism from familiar AND/OR thoughtful people, who sometimes can yield quite the negative criticism. I'm often able to give the impression of a "we agree to disagree" sentiment to seek consensus.

Even though I've learned to avoid the drama king, and queen personalities, I can sometimes find criticism stemming from "emotions getting in the way" unsettling - even when it comes from thoughtful people.

One debate strategy I apply here is to respond by mentioning something like, "it's so irritating to see such a smart, reasonable, caring person let their "feelings get in the way" on such [insert specific (important) topics/concerns here which tend to spark debates]!" Another strategy is to sense that negative criticism, and well............"hard feelings" can often be two verrry different things!

More or less informally, I often reclaim an impression of consensus; that is the very consensus which is often in both our best interests! Most often, I sense indifference, and find it best to end debating.

Yes, "I feel that both my debate skills, and acceptance of criticism alike needs a boost!"