My 5 yr old Aspie son told me he thinks of killing baby

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wigglyspider
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13 Jun 2009, 7:31 pm

I admit I never thought of killing my little sister, but like a lot of people who have posted in this thread, I DID have a lot of random violent thoughts for seemingly no reason. I still have surprisingly violent dreams on a fairly regular basis, even though I'm a very calm and happy person and really hardly ever feel violent towards anyone in particular. I think it's just kind of ingrained in us, like an instinct.
Anyway, it may be that he thinks about it because a baby is such a small and helpless thing and it would be easy to kill. I used to feel that way when I was holding small animals, sometimes. You should probably keep an eye on them when they're together, but don't worry TOO much.


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misswoofalot
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07 Jul 2009, 8:45 am

You definitely need to explain that killing and hurting is wrong and that you go to prison for it and it's something you must never do, ever. It's probably just jealousy, but children with AS need VERY clear boundaries. You can't just assume they know it's bad to hurt something/someone when they are young. Sometimes they don't have the empathy. They sometimes need to be taught morals and will often stick to them avidly once they know. It stops many problems before they arise.



Biene
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07 Jul 2009, 11:16 am

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Last edited by Biene on 09 Jul 2009, 8:43 am, edited 1 time in total.

07 Jul 2009, 2:44 pm

I don't think your son realizes when the baby is dead, its dead, it won't be alive ever again. Kids that young do not understand death and don't understand they are gone forever when they're dead.



My mom says I tried to kill my little brother when he was a baby. I put a pillow over him in the hotel room and she caught me doing it. She pulled me away and yelled at me. I doubt I was trying to kill him, I probably did it to muffle out his crying because he was crying she said. How would I know at that young age putting a pillow over someone kills them? I didn't know till my late childhood it kills you because I was told. I think I was a preteen when I was first told by my brothers. I used to put pillows over their faces for fun.



mgran
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07 Jul 2009, 4:10 pm

A lot of apie kids don't realise, when they're very young, that dead is forever. So, my son, for example, used to ask me to buy fish from the freezer section in the supermarket, because he thought if I put them back in the water, they would come back to life again.

One of my earliest memories is being very happy because my mother had left my brother in his pram in a field. I honestly thought that the fairies would take him back, and I'd be an only child again. My Mum, of course, realised that I wasn't going to repent of my nasty behaviour, and once she saw that I didn't feel guilty about leaving him, she went back to get him. I threw myself on the ground (right in the middle of nettles) and bashed fists and feet against the ground screaming... I hated my poor brother. :x If I'd had the power or the know how, I was so ammoral at that age that I'd have probably killed him.

But the thing is, I didn't know what killing meant. I didn't know what life was.

At about the same time, I remember losing my temper with him, and scratching his face.

I always remember seeing his perfect baby chubby cheek split, and blood pouring down it. It's why I started biting my nails to the nub. My brother started to cry, my mother snatched him up, and I realised I'd done wrong.

He still has the scar, I still bite my nails to the quick, I haven't tried to kill him since.

My advice is, be glad your son is so articulate, and able to express what he's feeling. I was non verbal for some of this, and my parents had to guess what I was feeling. Your son will grow out of it... and his feelings are not unusual... even for NT kids. I do think that he'll grow out of his jealousy, and that you don't have to worry so much.

When my brother started primary school, I remember a boy attacked him on his first day. The same girl who wanted him dead just two years earlier threw herself in front of him to protect him, and we both came home from school with black eyes, holding hands, because I was looking after my baby brother, and he (from his point of view) was a big man who'd defended his sister.

These things iron out. My brother is neurotypical and I frequently embarassed him as a kid. Vice versa.

But we're brother and sister, and I haven't wanted him dead ever since I realised what death actually is.

Things will improve. Even NT's have sibling rivalry. They probably can't express it as well as your son. Don't worry... he won't kill the baby, and will probably come to feel very important and a co parent, if things are handled right.



kary
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08 Jul 2009, 5:37 pm

"when i read your post, i didn't think he meant he wanted to kill the baby. my initial thought was that he was SCARED he would kill the baby. "

that is interresting to explore....I'd definatley question the child more.....it could be one of those things he meant to say one way, but it came out another way.....

my 8yr old has AS....he has all the services @ school....and we go to outside therapy with him too.....we also have a team that works at home with us.....if you want to take him to counceling i would say that that is always beneficial.....having the "outside" support for you self is great too....

my son went to school one day this year....had a complete meltdown in class....he was very anxiouse and frustrated (socially) this particular day....in the heat of the meltdown he blurted out," I'm just gonna hang myself!".....as you can imagine the teacher was beside herself having heard this....she imediatley spoke with the principal and called me....I in turn called his (in home) therapist....after consulting with his therapist....i had a very amusing epiphany.....where could kaelib have come up with this kind of statement???? He is a very very logical thinker.....although impulsive....where could he have heard this.....what would make him say something like this?? Then it hit me like a brick.....a few days prior it was like a circus at our house.....both dogs barking....13 yr old daughter having a hormonal moment....11 yr old son (mood dissorder) having his own meltdown....and lovely lil kaelib....running through the house full speed beeping and barking....flapping his arms.....Out of frustration, as my husband was walking out the door to "woo sa" and take a walk, he turnd to me and said," I think I'll just hang myself!"....lol....the bad news....Kaelib handles his frustrations and anxiety by how he sees those who he loves and respects handle theirs......the good news....my husband never hung himself....so therefore neither did kaelib....he was just voicing his frustrations that day....in a not so positive way....



jonahsmom
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10 Jul 2009, 10:12 am

I'll vote with the poster who said he might be afraid of killing the baby. Anxiety goes right along with AS. I have no diagnosis but I, like many of the other posters, have always had random scary thoughts pop into my head. When my babies were little couldn't go near a ledge or high place while holding them because I would think, "What if I dropped them over it?" I knew I really wouldn't, but just the thought of it repulsed me to the point that I couldn't go near.

At any rate, kids don't really start developing a true sense of the finality of death until they are about six, and even then, that is only some kids. Some kids don't understand it until they are even older. Your son might not even truly understand what his own mind is grappling with. I remember when my own (AS) son was little he told some guy in an elevator to "die out". I knew that he had a lot of anxiety around elevators and strangers and what he was really saying was that he wished the guy would go away as the dinosaurs had ("die out" was picked up from dinosaur books)...but I am sure the guy found it to be very creepy. lol! Poor guy...of course he was a jolly old man who looked like Santa Claus.

Sorry to tell light-hearted tales because I can certainly understand your concern, but I would explore his thoughts with him and, of course, keep an eye on him when the baby comes as you would anyway.