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Magneto
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16 Jun 2009, 9:18 am

Aspies and Auties don't have a very good ability to read body language, but neither do they give it out as much (I've found). As an example: put an NT and an Aspie in a room and ask them to guess the others feelings. The Aspie likely won't bother, but the NT will... and fail miserably, becassue the Aspie isn't showing the 'normal' body language. So they then have to use verbal communication.

Just something I've been thinking today.



Justin6378
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16 Jun 2009, 9:24 am

i quite often try to guess what someone is feeling or thinking, staring intensely at their face (as long as they arn't looking back)
this can be a very bad thing because i hyper analyse everything and start wondering what they think of me or if they are mad at me for the random things i sometimes say and do.


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Tantybi
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16 Jun 2009, 9:51 am

One thing I've noticed too...

When Aspies speak, we are speaking to communicate. We also do the same when it comes to listening. We actively listen as it's part of the communication process taught in every speech class in America.

NT's on the other hand, they don't just use verbal communication to communicate. They will still expect you to read them and understand what they are saying in between the lines. Also, they don't actively listen more often than not. Even if you say, listen to me closely, I think they are incapable of it. They put words in your mouth for you based on their overall understanding of what you are saying even though that conclusion is based only from 10% of what you had said. Like when I talk to NT's on the phone even, there's still a level of reading in between the lines and assumptions that go on almost like if we were face to face. It's so annoying when they don't listen. A lot of times, I think it's because they are thinking about themselves.

Example...My sister for instance is the one that is most obnoxious about this. She makes me be what she wants me to be, whichever is most convenient for her, and if she's in the mood to argue about race, she will decide I'm racist for that moment. Like she loves Obama, and when he was running against McCain, she decided McCain was racist because he had a black and white dog named Oreo. It took 5 people to explain to her that he had adopted a black kid so I doubt he's racist. But of course when I said it, I was racist too. Mind you, I married a Puerto Rican, but according to her, the one that isn't racist, he doesn't count as black because I suppose he just isn't black enough. Now my friend married to a really dark guy, my sister will never ever call her racist, and that's who had to tell her about McCain for her to change her mind. Now mind you, my sister is the complete opposite of Aspies. She's NT to an irrational state. Like most Nt's like American Idol, but if football is on.... No my sister, American Idol is like her NT special interest as she knows all the people, names, where they come from, their life story, if they are racist (lol), if they should win, if they are good, who says they are good, who says they suck, etc. So, I'm adding an example with someone less normal than her.

Example... I just moved into a rental house, and within a week of moving in, my basement was flooded in sewer water. My landlord was at the beach at the time, and he got roto rooter here to unclog it and his future mother in law came over and shop vac the basement and pulled half the carpet up. He just got back in town and his girlfriend came over and assessed the situation and relayed to him what was going on. So, I'm talking to him on the phone, and I got similar responses with the same thing being said to his future mother in law... I said, "Take your time with it because I'm in no hurry. I understand you have lives and things to do. I mean I don't want it to sit without being touched for a month, but I don't expect you to finish this over night." and then I get the response, "Oh, I think I moved quickly already to getting it started. You have to admit that it was fast." Like to me, it's obvious I'm trying to tell him to take his time, I'm in no hurry, I don't want him to feel rushed, I don't want him to think I'm going to sue for taking too long, etc. He seemed to take it as, she doesn't think I'm moving fast enough, what I did at the beach wasn't good enough for her, etc. Now, I did save the conversation by interrupting him with something like, "I just wanted you to understand that I personally am in no hurry with this. Nobody will be in the basement, and I'm not sure if we have any plans to use it when you are finished. I'm very impressed with the way you've handled it thus far. You were awesome. I can see you sitting on the beach talking on the phone making things happen.." and that's when he interrupted me with, "well people respond well to getting paid." Now, I'm sure I managed to confuse him more about how to take me because I don't totally understand the underlying horse chit. During the conversation, I'm thinking he's not listening to me at all, but it's really a matter that he has no idea that I just say what I mean. I do communicate much better with people who realize that about me and have accepted it (I especially do well with those who actually like that about me).



fiddlerpianist
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16 Jun 2009, 11:04 am

Tantybi wrote:
NT's on the other hand, they don't just use verbal communication to communicate. They will still expect you to read them and understand what they are saying in between the lines.

I still miss these cues. Apparently there have been several instances where it was suggested that we go outside and smoke pot, sort of in a "wink, wink, nudge, nudge" sort of way. I completely missed the cues. My wife had to explain it to me later, to which I replied, "..oh, really? I had no idea."


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pandd
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16 Jun 2009, 4:52 pm

Magneto wrote:
Aspies and Auties don't have a very good ability to read body language, but neither do they give it out as much (I've found).

Well, not exactly. Being impaired in using non-verbal language for expression is predicted of AS. That’s why it is part of the diagnostic criteria. This might entail the flat effect, or gauche “over-the-top”, or simply inappropriate non-verbal language.

It’s important to keep in mind that in the perception of those who are adept and fluid in the use (including receptive) of body language, you are always communicating non-verbally to them. Even the flat effect will be interpreted as meaningful.

No wonder we run into problems since we are communicating, everyone but ourselves knows what, to those around us.