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Emigma
Emu Egg
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Joined: 7 Apr 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 3

23 Jun 2009, 9:59 am

just a song I wrote looking for feedback

Ever Felt Like Screaming

Verse 1
Have you ever felt like screaming?
Have you ever felt like bleeding out?
Have you ever felt like you have fallen?
So far that you can’t even touch the ground
And those flames get hotter
While you fall in the abyss
Now why can’t you tell me?
Have you ever felt like this?

Chorus
Neurotic apathy
Another day in hell
The death of an angel
Hidden from the world
And as I lie here vacant
Loveless and abused
I feel the darkness closing in
Except when I’m with you

Verse 2
Have you ever felt like lying?
Have you ever felt that burning doubt?
Have you ever felt you should be leaving?
Going to some place where you can’t be found
And as you wonder what the point is
While you’re asking just what went amiss
Now why can’t you tell me?
Have you ever felt like this?

Chorus
Neurotic apathy
Another day in hell
The death of an angel
Hidden from the world
And as I lie here vacant
Loveless and abused
I feel the darkness closing in
Except when I’m with you

Verse 3
Have you ever felt like crying?
Have you ever felt there’s no way out?
Have you ever felt like you were failing?
You scream for help but they can’t hear a sound
A razor’s become your salvation
And pain is taking the place of bliss
Now why can’t you tell me?
Have you ever felt like this?

Chorus
Neurotic apathy
Another day in hell
The death of an angel
Hidden from the world
And as I lie here vacant
Loveless and abused
I feel the darkness closing in
Except when I’m with you

Verse 4
Have you ever felt like nothing?
Have you ever felt like giving up?
Have you ever felt like it was hopeless?
You’re too far gone with darkness all around
Now there’s no one left to save you
And you can’t help but reminisce
Now why can’t you tell me?
Have you ever felt like this?

Chorus
Neurotic apathy
Another day in hell
The death of an angel
Hidden from the world
And as I lie here vacant
Loveless and abused
I feel the darkness closing in
Except when I’m with you

Bridge
Can’t anybody hear me crying?
Hell couldn’t be any worse than this
Ever felt like you were dying?
Lying to yourself saying it’s okay
Screaming out somebody save me
Even though you know that they can’t do a thing
And as I stand here at the edge of the abyss
Dying couldn’t be any worse than this

Verse 1 repeated
Have you ever felt like screaming?
Have you ever felt like bleeding out?
Have you ever felt like you have fallen?
So far that you can’t even touch the ground
And those flames get hotter
While you fall in the abyss
Now why can’t you tell me?
Have you ever felt like this?

Chorus
Neurotic apathy
Another day in hell
The death of an angel
Hidden from the world
And as I lie here vacant
Loveless and abused
I feel the darkness closing in
Except when I’m with you


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ViperaAspis
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Joined: 26 Apr 2009
Age: 55
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,083
Location: Portland, OR

23 Jun 2009, 12:14 pm

I think for the music, I'd choose either Metal or something like the rapidfire singing style of Green Day. The lyrics should either be screamed (a la Metal) or rapidly sung.

However, as a counterpoint, you could go very slow or even sultry to highlight the dichotomy between the lyrics (which are entirely one style) and the music (which would be a completely different style). This may be effective.

I'd play with both of them. See what you like based on what you were going for.


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Raschu
Tufted Titmouse
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Joined: 19 Jun 2009
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 41
Location: anywhere but here

23 Jun 2009, 1:03 pm

wow nice, I like the feeling you managed to capture in the lyrics.


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