My Story of life

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6-24-09

I was never like this, I never had to struggle, I never had to really strive, but now I am mute, I have no choice...

Age 13, had some issues with school and my stomach, nothing too big of a deal. At least until I broke down one day I remember it so clearly, my tears rain to the floor, dry air adrift, all of my papers over a dozen fell out of my binder in less than a second, doesn't seem like much dose it, it's just paper, I can put it back. However there was something one else, my watcher, my silent voice, screaming at me, laughing at me, she can be cold some times, snow dispatching on the skin, other days she's as warm as the summer sun, shinning with radiance of hope. Therefore, her and I, we will call her Violet; Violet and me, binder broken, papers everywhere. Kids stare with wonder at the sight of someone crumble from their own friend's weight, crouched on the stone cold floor, sudden warmth of a hand touches my shoulder; the teacher, a nice young man, he was kind and allowed me his back room for about an hour to organize myself.

Ever since that day my day of infamy, time standing still, violet watching waiting for each moment to strike, blows every day in any way, all ways. Age 14, ok I have a serious problem depression sets in, oh how it tears, tears away at everything, every bit of life in me. School is no longer an option, can't hack it Violet follows, her steps not seen, she looks down, she talks, she whispers, she is everything I am, will, and ever have been. I now see her, beautiful face, my own personal angel and succubus lips pierce through life, her halo and pitchfork in range at all times, my psychiatrist recommends this exercise and that exercise. I follow through ever so willingly, I am no different from a rag doll, nothing works, and life changes again, I am moving now NC to be specific, so my life spread apart in seven states now, puzzle pieces on the table, of life, Violet smiles behind me as I groan.

Winter comes and everything freezes I love it Violet cries in my cut of joy, hope shines with flying colors for a month of my life. Age 15, Violet is sitting on cloud 9 now, I am in despair crying half the time, sleeping some of it away. I'm ugly I know it, no girl has ever looked at me because they wanted to its always because of something else, but that's just what I get I guess, besides Violets always there to paint the pane with colors of gray and black each day she doesn't mind, in fact it's almost become her favorite hobby. I had a recent visit with my new doctor, I can't remember to clearly what happened, but I think she hates me and is with violet feeding information to her, how the days last longer and longer.

Today, Violet is doing great she gets to draw blood when I go to the hospital, and I have seen now that my life is a pattern repeating over and over again. I was drowning in the water and have already died, I'm nothing I'm a shell filled with the voices of violet and others, this isn't a made up story, this isn't fake, all that I write is true and happening, keep watching this post and ill let all of you know what happens.


Thanks for listening