Empathy: Who has it?

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One of the common problems I have in my life is the fact that I am surrounded by people who do not understand me, nor do they care to. They understand each other, on a very basic level, but nobody who is extraordinarily different from them.

About four weeks ago, I met a fellow who, after I talked to him for a while most days, revealed that he has AS. I mentioned the fact that I felt that I did, too, and he said that he thought it was likely. Why? Because he can much more easily relate to autistics than to NTs. He doesn't understand NTs at all, but he can fairly easily judge what another autistic is thinking.

Empathy is not some grand psychic concept, at least in the terms we think of it today. Empathy is knowing yourself. What would make your left eye twitch, for example, and then applying that to the people around you. The problem NTs have with empathizing with autistics, and the problem that autistics often have when empathizing with NTs is that neither think the same way, and neither react the same way. NTs, to some extent, can judge the emotions of other NTs because their reactions are not too unusual to them. Autistics can do the same with other autistics for the same reason.

There is a deeper level, though. An intuitive level that few people have. This is the NT who can easily understand even autistics and autistics that can understand NTs. How this works is a mystery to me, but recent evidence leads me to believe it has something to do with the logical reasoning a brain is capable of. There are a number of NTs that are capable of such reasoning, but it is more common in autistics, though that doesn't necessarily mean that all autistics use reasoning for such a thing.

That's my take on the matter. I may be totally wrong, or I may be a genius. I would appreciate input on the matter.

NTs develop Empathy early, but it doesn't develop very far, just enough to please people. Aspies develop it later, but when it develops... it develops big time. That's what I've found happened to me.

It could be that NTs have ToM, but it atrophies because they don't have to use it very often. Aspies have to use it, so it stays and gets better. However, because there's this ingrained idea we lack it, people can't accept it when we say we actually have it.

I'm working on a ToM test for adults, I'll get back to you when it's finished...

I developed empathy when I was about fifteen or sixteen. But I developed it suddenly and to an extreme I never expected (I have had/still have friends with problems like & unlike mine in many ways). But I find I only sympathize to some other aspies/auties (not all), those with mental illnesses (I felt for 1 or two bi polar friends/ though 1 may have had another mentally illness), or those with similar family situations to me (a girl who had 2 moms like me/stupid comments narrowed minded NT's make), those who struggle academically (I did until about 5th grade) & poor friends (never a big fan of money myself). I also feel for those who went through the holocaust & "witches", never have known why for sure though But to others, nothing whatsoever.

I have no idea whether my empathy is the same as an NT. I can come across as lacking empathy but what I experience from my own perspective is far different from the common clinical understanding of autism and empathy. I might be a little atypical in my AS symptoms.

The times I'm been accused of "not getting it" are the times when my own emotions are too much of a distraction to even think about anyone else. So the real issue at hand is that I'm much too overwhelmed with my own issues to deal with anyone else's problems. I can usually accurately asses how someone else is feeling, even relate to it, but I still have no ability to deal with people in the way they expect me to. I'm too high strung, anxious, overwhelmed and I can't process that much at once. People overload me and I freak out.

Empathy as the ability to understand and predict the emotional responses of others? I'm not particularly good at this. I'll notice someone is upset by physical cues -- red nose and eyes, sniffling, etc. -- but I won't pick up on emotional "atmosphere" very well until it becomes very obvious.

Empathy as compassion? Got that, although it's apparently somewhat oddly placed at times. One of my coworkers told me a story once about a friend of his who, through his own idiotic and dangerous behavior on a motorcycle, ended up a quadriplegic. He kept reiterating this bit over and over as if I was supposed to feel sorry for the guy. Now, I did feel sorry for his wife and kids, sure, but the man himself? Not so much.

Theory of Mind: When it comes to understanding that others have different viewpoints, I'm in pretty good shape. I am very conscientious about considering all possible sides to a situation. Actually, I have far better ToM than my NT older sister, who cannot seem to comprehend any viewpoint but her own and frankly doesn't appear to want to. The thing is, I can't do it in a pinch, only when sitting calmly and thinking things through on my own. If confronted in the heat of the moment with a new perspective, I feel very panicky and will reject the new position until I've had time to mull it over in private. Often, I'll come back the next day after bluntly shooting down someone's idea and offer ways to work with it. I always get confused looks.

Regards,

Patricia

Ah wad some Power the gifty gie us, to see ourselves as others see us --

Robert Burns.

The ability to feel empathy is seperate to the ability to read body language. I can feel empathy (insofar as anyone other than Kevin Warwick and his wife have felt it; neural linkups are soooo cool), so long as people tell me how they're feeling.

I was recently called empathetic, and when I pointed out that I tend to be very clueless on what people are feeling and thinking, it was explained to me that there's a difference between being empathetic and empathic. (Well, I guess empathic is usually like a psychic thing, but that wasn't how it was used in this case.) I was actually being called compassionate. That when I see someone in obvious pain, I care, I sympathize, I want to help. It doesn't require much understanding, really. Usually there's not actually that much social interaction in comforting someone who is in a lot of pain or is very sick. Lol, so basically, I have empathy when the other person isn't in their greatest frame of mind. If empathy is recognizing yourself in someone, that's actually really scary..

I have read that there is a part of the brain which, if underdeveloped, makes a person a sociopath or psychopath.
They can be good at reading other people and charming them but they are totally self centered and ruthless. They don't care who they cheat or hurt.

If that brain area is overdeveloped the person becomes TOO empathetic. The sort of person who would burst into tears on hearing about starving African children or a kitten stuck up a tree.

There are certainly different types of autistic people.

Of course, you got to remember to apply it to others. I don't spontaneously do this, I got to remember to do this and only do it a second or so later.



Some autistic people say they can indeed, others say they cannot. Some relate better to normal people.

If you only referred to intellectual empathy - thinking, then knowing and perhaps feeling rather than feeling along and knowing that way - then there are also those on the spectrum who say they have learnt to relate better to normal people.

That's a little like me then too. I've grown up around people who did not have autism or anything like it.

Autistic people usually possess any common culture on which their non-verbal language is based and if they do, then because they share some connection that I do not share because my autism made me alien to naturally 'sharing' anything with others.



I've made a similar experience. Some people seem to be able to read others so quickly and so well it seems that many things do not remain hidden to them though others are blind to them.

I do however think that these people possess the very same empathy as everybody else but that they are just more empathic than is typical.

i m high lvl empathy in fact im cbeen determined a senistive in dvelpent ithe trait hasent fully matured and can really send ur mood on a rollercoaster ride if ur not careful. but what up. empathy is very inportant trait yes. im emotionional empathyvibes ,enregiers around me affect my mood,behavor ie i wont go near a place where something terrible hapend if id did id start feeling sad or angry for no rason but when i went some somewhere i it felt good to me it felt my energy lvl amplied like a fusion reaction.odd

Totally agree.

I seemed to have missed the empathy bus.

Do autistics dream of autistic sheep?

I feel nothing for people, but the moment I see a sick animal or corpses of them like on TV, I just cry like a crazy person. So I have narrow intense empathy? but aside from suffering animals I really don't feel much sympathy or anything.

I think I am empathetic.

My empathy is all messed up. Too complicated for me to explain at the moment.