Should ASD kids be taught to look others in the eye?

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Should ASD kids be taught to look others in the eye?
Poll ended at 30 Jun 2009, 1:45 pm
Absolutely, they gotta learn! 8%  8%  [ 2 ]
Not if too stressful... 67%  67%  [ 16 ]
Just leave the poor dears alone! 25%  25%  [ 6 ]
Total votes : 24

peterd
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14 Jul 2009, 4:38 am

The thing is, an aspie can't help but do the eye gaze thing wrong. So encouraging an aspie kid to do it leads to increased risk of a punch in the mouth. OK, I guess, depending on what you're trying to teach, but ultimately unhelpful in growing into an aspie who can participate in society.

Of course, once there's a little age in the mix, the chances improve. But, IMHO, the issue remains: an aspie can't help but do the eye gaze thing wrong.



nansnick
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14 Jul 2009, 8:01 am

2leftfeet wrote:
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The main reason eye contact drives me crazy is the whole AS focus issue. If i'm looking at you IM LOOKING AT YOU. All focus. Rather than listen to you, which is done with the ears and not the eyes, which is probably just me as an AS taking things literally.


That aspect of Aspie interaction with others had never occurred to me before. I think you have a very valid point.


Why is this not obvious to the Doctors? For all their hard work I've never met a Professional who's been able to figure this one out.


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makuranososhi
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14 Jul 2009, 1:24 pm

computerlove wrote:
makuranososhi wrote:
computerlove wrote:
Don't make him do it... if you want the kid to have a miserable life.

If should be FORCED on any age, not just kids. Aspies need to be taught to look into people's eyes, and they also need to have classes where you are forced to socialize
and learn about teamwork,
learn how to relate to other people
and learn entitlement,
and have self-confidence,
to have a chance to make it in life.


Completely disagree; forcing people into things builds resentment and aversion. Looking at people's eyes was uncomfortable... I eventually learned and decided to make that change - the eyes were easier than looking at their faces. But not everyone is a round peg for a round hole. Learn how to function as oneself, not as someone else decides is correct.


M.


So basically you are saying that it's ok, all in the name of "don't let the person feel uncomfortable?" and that you prefer to see a population of aspies that can't hold a job, or even worse, have to live on goverment support, charity or be homeless? Oh, and let's not forget that in some countries like mine there's no government support for the unemployed.
Unfortunately the forum has plenty of stories about all of the above mentioned, people who have lots of difficulties even getting a f***ing interview. And on the other side you have this person, very capable, with plenty of knowledge, that when in a interview will be seen as not good enough for the job, just because he avoided eye contact or doesn't know how to chit chat.
All in the name of "let's not help him to be better, it's better the way it is".

And then you'll say "but being aspies has worked for some people like X and Y", and yes, I agree, but that's the exception, rare cases, not the majority as one would expect.


Um, no - those are your words and your perspective on that choice. Forcing someone to do something isn't going to make anyone a better person. That isn't to say there aren't benefits to learning eye contact, but your suggestion that it be forced upon people leaves me sickened. Being able to make eye contact isn't going to necessarily get one a job - having just spent a number of months cross-country seeking employment, I speak from my own experience here. And let me ask this - what then of those who are 'forced' yet are unable to comply or maintain these 'skills' that you speak of? Reasons are many, our experiences are but our own... it is folly for any of us to think we know best for others.


M.


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auntyjack
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17 Jul 2009, 4:01 am

2leftfeet wrote:
I voted "Not if too stressful" , but I wish there had been an option along the lines of "yes, if done as part of overall social skills training", or some such.

The barometer for me is whether any kind of training for Aspies is furthering social adjustment and therefore helping the child to feel better about himself/herself and to better cope with the world.


hmmmm
?Why is called training for Autistics and teaching for non autistics. I would suggest that social skills education for Autistics should also have a component for their communication partners who are not Autistics so that they can learn how to meet us half way with understanding and accommodations. Receiving informed support would go a long way towards making people feel better about themselves rather than requiring them to become some kind of fake nt. It would also help the world to cope better with them and in turn they would cope better with the world.



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17 Jul 2009, 9:54 am

I think there's also the question, can they be taught to "look others in the eye". Assuming we mean teaching appropriate social eye contract, the question of should it be taught and can it be taught go together.

Teach things that actually can be taught, and that are helpful as taught.