Aspie guys and perseverating over girls...

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I find myself developing very strong feelings towards girls that I hook up with and talk to on and off. While I seem to have very strong feelings for them, they tend to place me on the backburner or cut me off completely. I've been told that I am way too honest when it comes to talking to girls. Just wondering if you guys think this is an aspie trait or not.

It's not NECESSARILY an aspie thing, but we are more susceptible to this sort of thing, being more socially awkward and less experienced in dating. Not seeing the unspoken cues women give off, it's easier to think she's just as into you as you are into her, when all too often, that isn't the case, never was and sometimes never will be. So, you start opening up about feelings and vulnerabilities and stuff and they're still on the "why don't we just have fun?" part.

Not much you can do to fix this except to try and slow yourself down when dating. A date is not a job interview for a relationship, at least not the first two or three. Be funny, be charming, be well dressed, be the one who pays the check. Any more than that at first, and the girl feels pressure from a guy who's going at a faster pace than she is. Trust me, I learned this the hard way.

I'll tell you from a personal female perspective and I'm sure it crosses gender lines, but if I'm aware that someone is obsessed with me and they don't really know me well yet, I don't want to be around when they figure out I'm only human.

I'd say it's an Aspie trait. Guys do definitely shoot off their mouths and scare women away, but we Aspies seem to take it to a whole other level.

Sometimes it works well, but a lot of times it doesn't. Try to pretend you are playing poker or black-jack -- don't show your hand until the dealing is done. Women respect that more than you thrusting your feelings and needs on them.

You know it's just because you are a guy. If I were to do that to a guy, i would have better luck. So what do you do? Just don't do it. Dont do it to girls who dont show interest in you, or girls who seem like they play mind games. Or you have another option, do it until you find a girl who accepts you. But thats a bad idea anyways. There's no advice I can give you. Advice is wack. The best way for one to solve his problems is for him to look inside himself and say, what do i need to do, then, my friend you'll have your answer waiting for you. Don't try counseling or any of that stuff, after a while counseling gets old and doesnt help.
There's nothing wrong with being honest, it's just that society believes that a man shouldnt wear his feelings on his sleeves to a girl. I hear all kinds of advice. Girls and guys tell guys to be an as*hole to girls and that will attract them Yes it attracts girls who like as*holes. If you act like an as*hole around girls and you attract them, then you better make sure you are an as*hole, or you will be attracting the wrong people. I dont know what to tell you. The best thing I can say is be yourself. If girls play games, then she is insecure just like a guy who plays games and acts like a jerk.
It is an aspie trait as well. I heard about an autistic girl writing down a boys name from school 500 times in her notebook saying she loves him. She also ran to the boys house, and I guess he liked her too. But if you were to do this,(this aspie trait) you will be seen as desperate and not confident. All us aspies get obsessed over people we like. if we are that type of person, but the guys have worse luck.
Just be yourself. that's my advice. Every woman that I know that falls in love with an aspie man, they always notice that he is not that confident, but sensitive, caring, and a great lover, and honest. Aspie guys who sit around and try to fit in with the male stereotype always end up with nothing, because they are trying to be something else.
So if you are obsessive, be obsessive, unless it gets out of hand lol. If you are shy, be shy. Dont worry about being a jerk or being overly confident or assertive. If you arent that, then just be who you are. God made you who you are for a reason.
Also, aspie men usually find more stabled relationships than aspie women, because the women who marry aspie men love them for who they are. This is why you always hear aspie women saying that they have kids and been in two marriages and all that drama.Aspie men also find relationships later in life that are more mutual as opposed to aspie women who find them earlier when they arent ready or the guys is just using them for sex but not for who they really are.

TonyFremont wrote




[/quote]Mother warned me about girls like you! I thought you were different, but you're all the same!
**puts Aimless's severed head in a drawer**
[quote]

Gack!


I get obsessed too but I've always been too shy to let the guy know so I'd just drive other people crazy. My last one I successfully only drove one person crazy so I'm making progress.

This is an area where I'm thankful for having read endlessly about the subject.

After reading a psychology and sociology textbook, along with a couple hundred research studies into dating, romance, human attachment, and friendship, I'm pretty much at-par with the neurotypicals, at least on an 'action level'. When it comes to understanding consciously what's going on, I'm far above the rest of them simply because I have to know what's going on just to survive.

Social experiences are somewhat draining, but I'm finding they're becoming less draining over time, and in some cases energizing, depending on the people I spend time with. There is actually a rate of Aspies in my church several times higher than the rate of Aspies in the general population. I didn't realize this until I mentioned being diagnosed, and everyone who was active suddenly listed several diagnosed members off the top of their head. It turns out the environment of tolerance, social justice, and intellectualism plays right into creating an Aspie-friendly environment. It's not for everyone, but I personally wish I had heard about Unitarian Universalism years ago.

Simply put, it takes time to work past, but if you find a tolerant environment that suits the way you think, read enough surveys, and make an effort, there's no reason you couldn't work past Asperger's Syndrome. I was actually one of the more severe cases, and now it's almost invisible. In all honestly, I don't think my dating life could get better than it is now. I just had to work with the 'nerdy' personality I have, and use it to my advantage. Telling a woman how her fridge works while mentioning the fluid properties it uses will get a lot more 'hot' points than ranting on about obscure academia, especially if you find a way to blend it into the conversation as a piece that 'fits'.