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PrincessMR1899
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27 Jun 2009, 3:17 pm

Ok...as you can see, I have social anxiety, and definite anxiety over my FIRST DATE in over 4 years!! !! ! HELP!! ! Any advice for me?! We're going to this "jazz club" and out to dinner. He's the guy I talk about in my "Happy Hour" post. He finally called me and asked me out...NOW WHAT?! ! OMG! I'm freaking out and I'm really scared I won't know what to do/say/how to act....



LePetitPrince
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27 Jun 2009, 3:35 pm

be yourself :lol: you're already behaving cute.



riverotter
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27 Jun 2009, 3:44 pm

Yes, be yourself! :)
Don't drink too much. One to loosen up a bit maybe and that is it.
Club is a good choice because if the music is awesome or loud...you don't have to talk too much LOL and then you can discuss at dinner if you like.
Couldn't find the post to which you refer, but if he asked you out on a date that involves two things (ie, not just "a drink" brief event) then he's obviously interested. Enjoy! Have fun! Remember to breathe! :)

Oh yeah, and don't make the mistake too many girls make of wearing fussy uncomfortable "sexy" clothes- nothing you might twist an ankle in or be futzing with all night. Unless futzing with your clothing is a comforting stim for you :)



larrygnu
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27 Jun 2009, 4:40 pm

Guys are pretty easy. Just get them talking about themselves. :D

A Jazz club is good, because if you don't know what to say, just listen to the music, then lean over to your date and say, "They're really good!" If he's into Jazz, he'll leave you alone to dig the music.

I don't know if you two have a restaurant already picked out, but if he asks you what type of food you like, the answer is something specific, Chinese, pizza, Thai, etc. Or if you have a favorite restaurant nearby, name that place. You might feel more comfortable in someplace familiar.

Listen to what he says, then respond to that. If he mentions something about his work, try to find a question to ask about it. Again, the same with any hobbies he has. If he brings a subject up, chances are he'll talk about it if you give him the chance.

Most of all, relax. Smile, even if you don't feel like it. And if the date is going badly, fake an illness or a phone call and skedaddle out of there.

Good luck!



Tahitiii
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27 Jun 2009, 4:46 pm

Rant here to get it out of your system.
Then go and have fun.

Don't take any short-cuts.
Whatever meds or vitamines or whatever you normally do...
Stick with whatever works.



riverotter
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27 Jun 2009, 5:26 pm

@Larrygnu-

Yes, yes, yes, guys do love to talk about themselves or their interests- then the girl gets to be "the good listener" which is always appreciated.

Worked wonders for me.



BurningMoose
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27 Jun 2009, 8:13 pm

Are girls really this nervous about dates? I thought it was only us dudes. I guess I have some image in my head that girls have dates all planned out and go in with uber confidence, leaving us guys to be anxious...this is interesting stuff. I can't give much advice, because I had no idea this occurred with women!!



BurningMoose
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27 Jun 2009, 8:19 pm

Are girls really this nervous about dates? I thought it was only us dudes. I guess I have some image in my head that girls have dates all planned out and go in with uber confidence, leaving us guys to be anxious...this is interesting stuff. I can't give much advice, because I had no idea this occurred with women!!



riverotter
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28 Jun 2009, 1:32 am

@BurningMoose- I laughed (in a good way, honest!) when I read your comment. Men have no idea what women (in general) can go through to look good on a date (time and money on beauty products, hair, changing clothes a million times, shoes, purse, EVERYTHING) and we totally get nervous too. Now you know!
(My first date with my husband- first real date- all I remember, besides where we went, is how nervous I was. He was nervous too. That was 12 years ago this week).



riverotter
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28 Jun 2009, 1:36 am

@PrincessMR1899-
Please let us know how it went! :)
I hope you are having a great time right now (she typed dorkily on her computer).



UnrelentingHorror
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28 Jun 2009, 6:51 am

BurningMoose wrote:
Are girls really this nervous about dates? I thought it was only us dudes. I guess I have some image in my head that girls have dates all planned out and go in with uber confidence, leaving us guys to be anxious...this is interesting stuff. I can't give much advice, because I had no idea this occurred with women!!



Yeah alot of this kind of stuff aplies to pretty much everyone Burning. Not just aspies either, this is a pretty universal thing.


K princess, remember that if he is asking you out after that first meeting it means he already likes what hes seen of you.
If you were awkward before at all (probably were, aspies heh :lol: ) hes already seen it so no need to freak out about your words or mannerisms.
You'll be fine, just chill out and have fun. All it is is 2 people hanging out and having fun to see if they like each other, if you don't like him or vice versa its no biggie.
You just weren't good together and it was nothing either of you did wrong, there will be other dates and other people who are probably awesome.

Just remember that and you'll be fine I think..... also beer helps lol.



PrincessMR1899
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28 Jun 2009, 10:34 am

Hi guys...and gals!

I want to thank you so much for your replies and much needed advice! <3 You're amazing!

So...last night was REALLY nice! He took me to my favorite sushi place on South Beach (I'm in Miami), and then we went to this indie/jazzy kind of lounge place, swarming with NTs (lol), but I managed to keep my cool, and play the part! I was just relaxed actually. I kinda felt relaxed with him after a while...I guess that means I felt safe with him? It's a good thing...I think! So anyways, we danced, I heard one of his favorite live bands play, and it was really fun! Although we both got out of the club half deaf from the freakishly loud bass....EEK! I'm still a bit deaf this morning too!!

He dropped me off home, and before I left he asked me, "Would you like to do this again?" I said of course, and gave him a quick kiss on the CHEEK (LOL) and left. Hopefully he had fun, and liked what he saw!

Thanks again guys!! You really helped.



riverotter
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28 Jun 2009, 3:19 pm

PrincessMR1899 wrote:
Although we both got out of the club half deaf from the freakishly loud bass....EEK! I'm still a bit deaf this morning too!!


Sounds (PUN!) like you had a wonderful amazing time! Earplugs were probably the only thing that could have made it better.

Happy for you!



PrincessMR1899
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28 Jun 2009, 4:05 pm

HAHA I know that's exactly what I told him. I believe my exact quote was, "We should have thought of bringing earplugs!" LOL And I DID have an awesome time, I just hope he calls back!! =\



hyder13
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28 Jun 2009, 5:30 pm

haha good luck =)


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