First time in history!! !! The NT/AS open hotline ! !! !! !

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I think it's because NTs interpret autistic behavior as if it were NT behavior. Avoiding eye contact for an NT means "I don't like you or am not interested in you", while for an Aspie it might mean "Meeting eyes with you is too intense and stresses me out." Rocking back and forth indicates major trauma for an NT, rather than a simple self-regulating motion that eases tension for an autistic. Not calling your romantic interest for weeks would mean rejection if an NT did it, but for a person on the spectrum it might just mean they need some time to themselves.

Neurotypical empathy is based on the assumption that all human have the same interior experience of exterior stimuli, so they simply cannot conceive how different the autistic experience is from their own. Even if they know you are diagnosed autistic they cannot model that experience and empathize with it very well.

OK, but then if we're somehow empathically challenged ...why do we do so well with each other? I guess what I mean is ...is it really a problem...or is it JUST a problem with NTs? and if it is... then what makes it our problem? I am not saying that it needs to be either party's problem alone, personally i think it's both but a lot of NTs do think it is just ours. Is that right? I guess that is what I am asking. I know it's kind of a hard question. I have others I will ask later they are probably all difficult....sorry

From what I can tell, AS people can't empathize well with other AS people, either. Just look at all the misunderstandings and arguments on this very site! So far people with AS have failed to organize a significant movement for their own advancement because they can't (or don't care to) work together, despite having so much in common.

Screw NT people.They are just so rude,and nasty.They tend to be hateful towards Aspies. All NT people(including introverts) care about is socializing and they love to hate us Aspies. We as Aspies have absolutely nothing in common with non Autistic(NT) people and we completely different people in every way.I find a vast majority of NT people to be boring and also hateful towards Aspies.

Last edited by rick42 on 04 Jul 2018, 9:02 pm, edited 4 times in total.

As a Aspie,I find it's not only difficult,but pretty much impossible to be in a relationship or a friendship with any NT person,even NT people with other Neurological issues becasue we have absolutely nothing in common.

* The option to opt out...

Noooooo we're building a culture. You have to give it time. You and I may not live to see it but it will happen and as they say....ROME was not built in a day!

We are ...so similar and yet...we are so different. We only need to foster respect where contemporary human culture sees ONLY THREATS and we will be juuuuuuuuuuuust fine. The mask is stripped away with us we all KNOW that other human beings are dangerous it's OBVIOUS but in time, we will all come to understand that there is no human interaction without risk and that in this risk lies the most meaningful and authentic human connections, for they had COST and they were not without potential for problem.

What is blind trust if it's not a lazy preference to make assumptions about one's safety among the most dangerous species on earth? We don't get along? We get along AMAZINGLY well considering and btw...we LOVE TO ARGUE.



So do the French...it doesn't mean anything.

Dear All, can you recommend any books for me: I would like to teach practical and concrete skills for my AS daughter how to begin maintain and end conversations, how to join discussions among their classmates etc. She has trouble in her class as everybody leave her alone. Thanks a lot!!

Depending on her age, I would recommend that she(and you of course, too) read The Asperkid's Secret Book of Social Rules by Jennifer O'Toole. Having read that book at age 12/13 is what led me to understand myself; I'm presently 18.

If you also want a general understanding of autism/asperger's, I believe that most books by John Elder Robison, an autistic and member here, are generally well received and endorsed by most even keeled autistics here. I must disclose that I haven't personally read them, though.

Thanks a lot taking the time answering me! I have checked several books on Amazon, etc. but it was hard to select. We are a Hungarian family and so few books available here regarding Aspergers.
I have just ordered the book you recommended

This is a really cool idea...but rather than an over the phone hotline, there should be one like "ChaCha" where you can just text a question to the number and get an immediate response from an NT or person with ASD. That way you can remain anonymous and ask anything anytime regardless of location or current mental state.

I only read through two pages of this thread, so forgive me if I’m off track here. I got angry. And to give a little history, I found out 4 months ago that I’m Autistic. Always knew I was different but didn’t know. Understand? Why do we have to work so hard and change who we are to fit in with NT’s? I’m struggling with this right now. I’ve been bullied and pushed around my why life by NT’s for not fitting in. Even happened 3 days ago. I’m 45 and still get it. Why should we change who we are? Just to make them feel comfortable? It makes me uncomfortable. There’s nothing wrong with us. We’ve been forced to “feel” different. The more I learn about myself the more angry I get about being trained to fit in with NT’s.

Agreed.I also don't understand why we have to change who we are to "fit in" with NT's,who will most likely don't understand us or even like us. Personally, I'm far more comfortable just being myself and not care what NT's or other non Aspies/Autistics think of me thinks of me.

Hi! I am new to this forum and this is my first post. I found this particular question to be poignant to what I am experiencing right now and wanted to answer with some additional things to note. I am NT and my husband has un-diagnosed AS. When he was younger, in the 1970's it wasn't prevalent to test for AS if it even existed. Children with "differences" were not nurtured the same as other kids. The differences were kept quiet. No one helped my husband cope with what he was dealing with. Instead, he was bullied for being "different". No matter the time frame, it was wrong to ignore him.

I fell in love with my husband long before I knew what AS was. I knew there was something unique about him but I wasn't afraid, concerned, judgemental or anything like that based on my observations during our dates. I found him endearing, sweet, and energetic. I noticed the stimming, didn't know what it was but didn't shy away from him because of it either. It didn't really matter to me. To be honest, I have never loved anyone as much as I do this man nor have I fallen so fast for anyone in my life.

Where we struggle is communication and his temper. We talk a lot about a lot of things but when something gets heated above a normal voice, his temper rages without warning and the things he says become unrelated to the discussion and get rather abusive. We have talked and talked about this and we made progress towards trying to talk things out before getting upset. I am well aware of what not to do to keep things under control but yesterday/last night was particularly difficult. I've been called some pretty nasty things but I haven't stopped caring about him as much as I do. Today, I am having some trouble letting what was said last night go. Many women wouldn't stay with a man like this because they don't take any effort in understanding the thoughts, feelings, and emotions of a person with AS. He struggles with acceptance and confidence which we work on together. Still, when it comes to conflict, things get very difficult and yes, it is very hard to remember when strong words are being thrown at you that it isn't something he can control. I don't know if we can ever get there but I am not giving up on him. Despite the verbal abuse during discussions that became unnecessarily heated, he is the most caring person I have ever known. When I was first learning about AS and relationships with someone with AS, that was the first, and lasting, thing I read. I know what he is capable of as a person and a mate, in good ways, and not so good ways. It isn't easy every day but what family doesn't have difficult times. What brings me back to reality no matter how rough it gets is that I love him for who he is 99.9% of the time; caring, loving, sweet, smart, and dependable. That's all anyone could ask for from a person with whom you plan to spend the rest of your life. That's what matters most in a successful relationship. It's work no matter who you are.

I have a few questions; how likely is it for someone to believe they're on the spectrum when in reality they aren't? What are some factors of this? What are the most discerning between someone like this and someone who is on the spectrum?
I know this last one in particular is quite broad but any sort of answer would be helpful. Many thanks to anyone who reads this as well as those who would like to answer! I very much appreciate your time.

Hey there! I'm pretty new, so others might have more informative answers, but this is something that I've thought about a lot since being married (I'm NT, she has Asperger's). My dad is also on the spectrum, so I think without realizing it, I picked up a lot of AS behaviors which wouldn't have been present if I'd grown up in a completely neurotypical family. In a sense, I feel like it makes me a little bit paradoxical, because some days I feel completely neurotypical and other days the learned behaviors start popping up unexpectedly, making me question if I actually have some AS traits.

For example, I am typically extremely perceptive about nonverbal cues and changes in someone's tone of voice that mean they might be feeling something different from what they're saying. Other times, I completely miss the most obvious of hints and only realize it a few minutes later. I also enjoy being in social settings, but typically after a couple of hours I'm "peopled out" and want to be alone for a while.

Having a wife and a parent with AS definitely makes me think about things like this more often than some, I think, and for me, I regularly think about the possibility of me being sort of on the spectrum, so I think your question has a lot of relevance to a significant number of neurotypicals. Thanks for asking!