First time in history!! !! The NT/AS open hotline ! !! !! !

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Melisa
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14 Dec 2017, 8:43 pm

I think it's the same for almost anyone, it's hard to "fake it" when your really not interested. When I do it then the talk becomes "blah blah blah". I tend to stick to generalities and keep things on the light side so it doesn't become boring. Hope that made sense.



shadowself
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17 Dec 2017, 1:45 pm

Melisa wrote:
I think it's the same for almost anyone, it's hard to "fake it" when your really not interested. When I do it then the talk becomes "blah blah blah". I tend to stick to generalities and keep things on the light side so it doesn't become boring. Hope that made sense.



It is really hard for me to engage sometimes because I assume if someone is talking about something that they would like some kind of response. Often though, it seems to be mostly idle chatter. I often find myself wondering if the people around me are really as socially connected as they appear, or do they just talk more and with greater ease?


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Trojanofpeace
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02 Jan 2018, 8:19 am

shadowself wrote:
Melisa wrote:
I think it's the same for almost anyone, it's hard to "fake it" when your really not interested. When I do it then the talk becomes "blah blah blah". I tend to stick to generalities and keep things on the light side so it doesn't become boring. Hope that made sense.



It is really hard for me to engage sometimes because I assume if someone is talking about something that they would like some kind of response. Often though, it seems to be mostly idle chatter. I often find myself wondering if the people around me are really as socially connected as they appear, or do they just talk more and with greater ease?


Quite often, there's more happening behind the scenes than idle chatter. Social engagement seems to happen on many tiers simultaneously and often it is the between the lines, hidden connotations and implied thoughts that gets frustratingly missed. I've found that idle chatter is a form of bonding and subtle relationship building. Having the ability to have that small talk with someone can be considered a form of trust.
Hard to fathom for people who live in perpetual fear and anxiety i guess.



Trojanofpeace
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02 Jan 2018, 8:30 am

namesalltaken wrote:
WilliamBlaak wrote:
AS/NT relationship help... specific communication issue

Hello all, first post, hope I am doing this right.

I am (AS) in a committed relationship with an NT partner and we are having enormous communication problems (which we are working on).

When I feel I am not being understood I impulsively turn up the "intensity", and have a very hard time. It's like I feel if I am more dramatic they will understand. If I feel I am not being understood I feel very "isolated" and it is almost like a panic (too strong a word).

This leads to problems, understandably.

Do any of you share this? And if so, how do you handle it? Control it? Prevent it?

It is really putting the relationship in danger, even though we both love each other.

William



Just something that might be of interest, while there is a popular stereotype of AS people as emotionless, the communication gap can also be the opposite - they can strongly feel the other person's emotional state, but don't understand why. Turning up the intensity means they will also feel that "panic", but it doesn't help with reasoning.


I find a big help is regular communication between people, even the mundane stuff, really really helps.

Research suggests as children, those with ASD lack theory of mind and assume everyone knows what they know. I feel this can linger into adulthood, where us with ASD either don't consider, our don't understand why it's important to communicate more about our thoughts, feelings, plans, actions, anticipations etc, to others.
But it is. And that's what counts, it is important to other people, especially those close to you. so I've come to terms that it doesn't really matter if i understand it or not, it just matters to someone else and they matter to me.



balaam
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25 Jan 2018, 7:55 pm

MONKEY wrote:
Oooh this looks fun.
A question to NTs:
do you notice even the mildest of aspies, do they seem not right to you even if they're really subtle???
I am not NT, so maybe I should not be answering, but I do not know what you mean by subtle. Just because someone is high functioning does not mean it is subtle. Sometimes I can blend in, sometimes it can be overwhelming.

Church social occasion tomorrow, that will be a challenge.



smudgedhorizon
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01 Feb 2018, 4:38 pm

HI! NTs without sensory processing disorder!
Do you happen to have over-sensitivity to sound? Like, you can listen to a song in the daytime and that's OK, but in the evening the same song, even when listened to in the quietest mode, hurts your ears? Or do you walk in your tiptoes when barefoot or in socks?
I think I'm in between NT and AS but a formal diagnosis will clarify what exactly is going on with me. In the evening, at night and in the morning, I feel everything much better. A cat licking its fur, neighbors talking, sometimes even pulsation of my bloodstream. When sb washes dishes, it's very loud for me. My mom typing in another room is like she's drilling. Not the same volume, but seems really loud. But later on, my ears adjust. I stroll out to Uni, go to the subway and all the loud noises seem fine. And I'm not crazy-sensitive, just suffering from normal noise, then adjust.
Do you feel the same?


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JustFoundHere
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08 Mar 2018, 2:14 pm

Are there opportunities to meet people face-to-face e.g., for consultations who are active with the 'NT/AS open hotline?' What are specific resources in the North SF Bay Area?



wigglyspider
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16 Mar 2018, 11:17 pm

I'm so glad this thread is still here!! ! I haven't been on here in years. But I had to come back because I have a question.

NTs, do you stim when drunk???

I say because whenever I am drunk, I cannot stop like rubbing my legs etc. Do NTs get the urge to just start doing a repeating action because it feels good? (And will I stand out if I do it? Do I look like a tweaker? lol.)


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LilLoki
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16 Mar 2018, 11:29 pm

ask the NTs, Do you find it difficult or something to have a relationship with an aspie / autistic? :?:



serpenEncipheror
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06 Apr 2018, 6:15 am

wigglyspider wrote:
I'm so glad this thread is still here!! ! I haven't been on here in years. But I had to come back because I have a question.

NTs, do you stim when drunk???

I say because whenever I am drunk, I cannot stop like rubbing my legs etc. Do NTs get the urge to just start doing a repeating action because it feels good? (And will I stand out if I do it? Do I look like a tweaker? lol.)


People do weird things after drinking. It's natural. I haven't seen many drunk people. All drunk people I've noticed are breaking stuff in restaurants, which is mainly why I noticed them in the first place.

I have both NT and AS traits. I like doing repeating actions! When I can't work out a problem I usually just walk around my table until I'm calm enough. Nobody has ever scolded me for that, so I guess it's okay. Most NTs in my school have the habit of spinning their pen, shaking their legs when they got bored. And nobody ever thinks that's weird. (A few of the teachers think those actions are impolite though.) So it's okay to stim when drunk. NTs can throw meltdowns when they're drunk!


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Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 106 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 107 of 200
You seem to have both neurodiverse and neurotypical traits.

I'm pretty sure about being neurotypical though, since my neurodiverse traits never caused me any trouble and I get along well with other neurotypical people.

Maybe this means I can get along well with neurodiverse people, too? I never get a chance to prove this because in China schools don't enroll students with ASD and therefore I have no neurodiverse people around me.

So I am here!


serpenEncipheror
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06 Apr 2018, 6:26 am

smudgedhorizon wrote:
HI! NTs without sensory processing disorder!
Do you happen to have over-sensitivity to sound? Like, you can listen to a song in the daytime and that's OK, but in the evening the same song, even when listened to in the quietest mode, hurts your ears? Or do you walk in your tiptoes when barefoot or in socks?
Do you feel the same?


I have never gotten troubled by noises in my life. I actually feel more easy to concentrate in a noisy environment because I can't really hear the content of others' conversation and therefore I won't be carried away! For example, when I'm in a restaurant and everyone is talking and I can't hear anything clear at all, I just feel really safe and concentrated. But when I'm in some quiet place, for example a library, the sound of somebody walking by can even catch my attention, which is disturbing.
It's probably why you feel troubled by noises at night. Nights are quieter than days, so noises of the same volume can catch your attention more easily.

About walking on tiptoes, I like walking in that way. When I was a kid, my parents always tell me it's the wrong way of walking because it will hurt my feet. Well, nothing happened to my feet. And now that I don't live with my parents, I walk on tiptoes much more frequently and it's fun. My NT friends never do that, but they don't find it weird when I'm doing so either.


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Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 106 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 107 of 200
You seem to have both neurodiverse and neurotypical traits.

I'm pretty sure about being neurotypical though, since my neurodiverse traits never caused me any trouble and I get along well with other neurotypical people.

Maybe this means I can get along well with neurodiverse people, too? I never get a chance to prove this because in China schools don't enroll students with ASD and therefore I have no neurodiverse people around me.

So I am here!


serpenEncipheror
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06 Apr 2018, 11:11 pm

Question for AS

I'm wondering what lack of self-awareness mean?


_________________
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 106 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 107 of 200
You seem to have both neurodiverse and neurotypical traits.

I'm pretty sure about being neurotypical though, since my neurodiverse traits never caused me any trouble and I get along well with other neurotypical people.

Maybe this means I can get along well with neurodiverse people, too? I never get a chance to prove this because in China schools don't enroll students with ASD and therefore I have no neurodiverse people around me.

So I am here!


TheAP
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07 Apr 2018, 9:27 am

serpenEncipheror wrote:
Question for AS

I'm wondering what lack of self-awareness mean?

Lack of self-awareness means that you're not aware of your own traits and how you appear to others. I don't think I have it. I think I'm pretty good at analyzing my own feelings and behaviours. But then again, if I did lack self-awareness, I wouldn't know about it. :lol:


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Tiffanydepiano
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20 May 2018, 12:59 pm

Good morning,
I have a question regarding relationships. While I have been diagnosed with Aspergian traits I am floating somewhere on the spectrum. I find that deciphering others on the spectrum is not always simpler than understanding NT’s.
My aspie boyfriend has blocked my number and refuses to speak (very depressed and lots of BIG routine changes). He is still receptive to me dropping by however and is glad to see me. Always says he missed me and wants me to stay.
My question: should I leave and abandon ship or hang in there with him and hope to help him through this?
I know you can’t tell me exactly but advice would be great.
Thanks.



Spectral Aurtist
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20 Jun 2018, 3:36 am

I have a question.

NTs are supposed to be more emotionally intelligent, capable , however you want to say it.

So.... shouldn't it be a lot easier for them to understand ATs than it is? We don't lack emotions or empathy or caring, and ...you know what...we seem to relate to each other just fine. So...what is that?