Do Aspie children demand less attention than NT children?

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CleverKitten
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08 Jul 2009, 3:31 pm

I'm not a parent yet; but the nature of children has become somewhat a curiosity of mine.

I remember that as a child, I did not nearly demand as much attention from Mom as my NT brother did, and he demanded attention from me as well.
I actually was given more attention than I wanted, and desired solitude more than anything.

I now live in the same house with a 12-year old NT boy, and he demands attention from EVERYBODY! :roll:

So, what are the experiences of those who are raising both NT kids and Aspie kids?


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Alphabetania
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08 Jul 2009, 3:47 pm

I am sure it depends on the child. I was able to keep myself busy for extended periods with drawing and writing and when I was slightly older, with reference books; so I didn't require a lot of entertainment. I enjoyed playing with Barbies with my friends, and with toy cars and Lego with my brother. My brother and I also liked riding bicycles and playing with the neighbours' children in the forest.

My mother says I was well-behaved.

I think I am the only autistic one in the family. My brother is in a geeky profession (he's a senior programmer), but I am pretty sure he's NT. He's cool and sporty, and he does a few things which are unusual (for example, he rides a unicycle down to the beach!), but he is not considered eccentric as I am.


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Marcia
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08 Jul 2009, 4:01 pm

All children are different, whether they're on the Spectrum or not.

My son is Aspie and he is very labour intensive and always has been. He is a whirlwind of activity, talks non-stop, climbs all over me, likes to organise people and to play complex games which he has made up. If he is still and quiet for any extended period of time, then I know he is ill!

Even as a tiny baby he was very alert and active. He was never passive, he never just sat. He always liked to be held and carried and he would roar and scream when I left the room. I would cook, iron, hoover with him in his baby sling.



whipstitches
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08 Jul 2009, 4:33 pm

Marcia wrote:
My son is Aspie and he is very labour intensive and always has been. He is a whirlwind of activity, talks non-stop, climbs all over me, likes to organise people and to play complex games which he has made up. If he is still and quiet for any extended period of time, then I know he is ill!


Sounds just like my little girl! She never stops talking.... we live in a very small town and sometimes it is embarrassing because people don't know that she has AS. They just give me looks like "why don't you make her shut up" or they will say things like "she sure is talkative... is she like that all the time?". I am used to her talking and don't really mind that much because just like lots of other Aspie kids, she spends a lot of time alone talking to herself. She talks to herself while playing with her dolls. It is a never ending string of "doll commentary" that can be heard through the air exchange register in the downstairs living room area. My husband and I get the biggest kick out of listening to the things that come through that little opening in the ceiling!!

Despite being a very solitary child, my daughter can be very demanding when she wants to be. She is very inflexible and has a lot of routines. We get "bossed around" by her a good bit of the time because she needs for us to do everything "just so". My favorite (or maybe least favorite...hehehe) is when she decides to ask us opinion questions. She will ask things like, "What is your favorite color? Blue or green?".... when I say that my favorite is green, she will say, "Wrong.... your favorite color is blue. Daddy's favorite color is green." Her buttons on her PJ's have to be fastened from the bottom of the shirt up and she has to sleep on top of the bed covers. Stuff like that...... it can all become very tedious and time consuming if we let her get the upper hand.

Long story longer... I don't know if Aspie kids are more demanding or not. I am an Aspie and so is my little one. My teenage daughter is likely one, too. :oops:


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Peko
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08 Jul 2009, 5:55 pm

I think it depends on the child (NT or Aspie/Autie) & what they need more attention for (entertainment vs. "safety monitoring")

The main example I can give is comparing myself to my brother b/c I have no kids (a very good thing :)).

Me - Autie
Brother-NT

Entertainment- I was always able to preoccupy myself very easily & have never really desired any form of socialization. My brother on the other hand was always easily bored & always sought/& still does seek constant companionship (he is still uncomfortable being in a room alone at 15). Here we are polar opposites.

Safety stuff- I on the other hand needed a lot of attention here b/c I wandered off (& still do out of boredom & nervousness associated w/ being in large groups (stores, vacations, etc.) a lot & used to get lost often. I also get very nervous easily & am overstimulated by people easily (loud noises, crowds/people being very close to me out). This stuff never (or rarely if he has one of his stomach issues (got a crappy digestive system/cannot handle the spicy foods he likes)) really happens to be a problem for him. So my moms constantly worries about me not him b/c I choose not to be social. :roll:


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Marcia
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08 Jul 2009, 6:09 pm

My goodness, whipstitches, you do indeed seem to have the female version of my son! 8O

My son even talks in his sleep. 8O

And the "opinion questions" as well. Don't know is never an option, you always have to chose, and then you can be wrong! Lol! :lol:

I'm often asked to rank various things in a certain order as well. One current example of that is - from most powerful to least powerful: hurricanes, cyclones, tornadoes, whirlwind and dust devils. Of course, the trick question element here is that cyclones and tornadoes are the same thing! :roll:

Yes, very demanding, sometimes a bit tedious, but great fun! :D



Last edited by Marcia on 08 Jul 2009, 6:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

kary
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08 Jul 2009, 6:13 pm

I have three kids...13 yr old girl (nt), 11 yr old son (mood dissorder and add) and 8 yr old son (AS). As babies.....I'd say my middle son was the easiest....went to sleep on his own...only cried when hungry or dirty diaper.....as todlers....my daughter(NT) and my youngest son (AS) were the easiest....they both played well by themselves....occupied them selves....and for the most part played well with other children. As school aged children my daughter was the easiest....(1-5th grades)....she always completed homework (on her own)....did well in class....straight A student...My 11 yr old (mood dissorder/add) stayed in fights with other boys....was defiant with teachers....it has been long road with him...although through therapy...cognitive and behavioral....i couldnt ask for a better son....although he is about to start middle school....we will see how adolescence goes....I have learned out of the three...who are very different...(NT, Mood dissorder/add, and AS/ADD) the (believe it or not) Now, through a proper diagnosis, behavioral therapy, and a greater understanding I'd say my AS is the easiest....as long as the rules are clearly stated, and one very directly and verbally explaines what is expected of him....and the routine stays fairly consistant...he is the "easiest" to rear. You tell him exactly what you expect, and he does exactly what you expect him to do....with a 13 yr old girl(NT) you tell her exactly what you expect....and she questions why you expect it and gives you a million reasons why it shouldnt be that way lol.....all children are beautiful and a joy to raise....society just needs to STOP trying to make everyone conform to their expectations of what is normal and acceptable....



CleverKitten
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08 Jul 2009, 7:12 pm

Darn, I guess no matter what, if I ever decide to have a child, it'll still be a gamble.

Thank you all for your input. Keep it coming!


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DW_a_mom
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08 Jul 2009, 7:32 pm

CleverKitten wrote:
Darn, I guess no matter what, if I ever decide to have a child, it'll still be a gamble.


Lol, that about sums up the whole deal when it comes to kids.

My AS child is my son, my first born, and he was probably the most demanding baby EVER. He wanted CONSTANT and PERSONAL attention and lots of stimulting things to do. But it also was what drew me out into having a lot of fun with him - as long as we were moving and doing something interesting, he was happy. I sometimes wonder if he overloaded himself with all the sensory stuff, but I'll never know. But my job, that idea I had that I could go to work with my baby playing near me in my office - whoa, was THAT ever a pipe dream. And he was so insistent on attention from Mommy that he sent multiple potential nannies home in tears. Oh those days were a trial. If I had known what to expect, it would have been fine, it's just I had this vision of a baby like my friend's and, well, that is not what I got. Adjusting my life to the reality took a while. But he sure was a charmer. As long as you weren't a potential nanny ;)

As a 12 year old he is calmer and pershaps, in a few ways, easier than his friends.

My second child, my NT daughter, was a very easy baby. She always had to go along for the ride and she seemed content to do so, falling asleep wherever we were. As an 8 old, however, MAN is she difficult.

Lol, it all comes and goes.


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Alphabetania
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08 Jul 2009, 8:40 pm

whipstitches wrote:
I am used to her talking and don't really mind that much because just like lots of other Aspie kids, she spends a lot of time alone talking to herself. She talks to herself while playing with her dolls. It is a never ending string of "doll commentary" that can be heard through the air exchange register in the downstairs living room area. My husband and I get the biggest kick out of listening to the things that come through that little opening in the ceiling!!
Oh, that is so cute! :D


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08 Jul 2009, 9:02 pm

Alphabetania wrote:
Oh, that is so cute! :D


Thanks!! :P She's a keeper for sure!

Marcia.... our kids do sound a lot alike. My daughter never wanted to be held, however. She is only just now deciding that she likes a hug now and then and that sitting on a lap can be nice. She will be 4 in August!! It has been so difficult because she is just so stinking CUTE!! We want to hug and kiss her and have had to "sneak in hugs" and "steel kisses" all of this time. If we kiss her and she notices she will flip out! We have to actually reach out, take the kiss back with our hands and toss it out the door (or whatever other place she thinks it should be disposed of). The same with the hugs... .we have to "un-hug" her. Lately, for the first time ever, we can ask permission to hug or kiss and sometimes the answer is "yes" :D ! !


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malya2006
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09 Jul 2009, 12:03 am

Cleverkitten,

My 3 year old nt daughter demands waaaaaaaaaay more attention then my AS son. She is constantly following me around and has to constantly sit on my lap or sleep next to me. I don't think it's because she is younger because my son never did that at 3. My son was so easy as a child, he was just difficult when you bring another child into the picture. By himself or with grownups, he was a doll. He can play by himself or watch a show and he would never bother you, my daughter won't even play by herself, she constantly has to be around people and needs other people's approval or input.



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09 Jul 2009, 9:45 am

My sons have been/are both ways. Very, very demanding, "high needs" babies and toddlers, but beginning in the preschool years would play alone or together (they are twins and get immersed in a shared world together at times -so cute!) for long periods of time. They are still like this. Periods of time where they are seeking attention, talking, talking and demanding, followed by long periods of time where they retreat and quietly do their own thing. They are both dxed ADHD, as well as AS. Right now they are each up in their own room building with Lego, and would stay there all morning if other plans didn't prevent it.

I was reportedly a very quiet child. Give me a stack of books and you wouldn't see me for days.



Jeana
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09 Jul 2009, 10:07 am

My 11 yr. old son with AS demands attention constantly. It is really mindboggling because when he was an infant and toddler, he could amuse himself for a long time with toys and books! He would be very quiet in his room and I would walk in and find him in the middle of the floor with his crate of books, "reading" each one (making up stories to go along with the pictures)! But after his little brother was born when he was four, he changed completely, although it was gradual. He constantly wants to put together a yard sale or kool-aid stand to earn money, or go out to eat, or go some place fun! It wears me out!!

Jeana



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11 Jul 2009, 6:17 am

Marcia wrote:
My goodness, whipstitches, you do indeed seem to have the female version of my son! 8O

My son even talks in his sleep. 8O

And the "opinion questions" as well. Don't know is never an option, you always have to chose, and then you can be wrong! Lol! :lol:

I'm often asked to rank various things in a certain order as well. One current example of that is - from most powerful to least powerful: hurricanes, cyclones, tornadoes, whirlwind and dust devils. Of course, the trick question element here is that cyclones and tornadoes are the same thing! :roll:

Yes, very demanding, sometimes a bit tedious, but great fun! :D


My parents tell me I was very demanding from about the age of 3 on up. I also did the thing where I would quiz adults, make them rank things in order, etc. I also forced them to play the games I invented. I think I was more demanding of adults because I was too rigid to get along with other kids.