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SplinterStar
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17 Jul 2009, 9:11 am

I'm not sure what to say but... here I go. I'm a bit severe aspie wise when it comes to the emotional stuff, so I normally just ignore it and do my duties that I normally do. Even when I was first a teenager I more or less ignored the SEX drive until it died.

So I've been working at this crappy office job for some time, and now there's this new guy who's been around for two months. My logic normally rules with an iron fist but when I hang out near him on break, I'm an idiot. I hang off his words like they keep me alive or something. My emotions are totally out of control and I'm feeling terribly "needy" for the first time in years. I hate myself for this weakness but it just won't go away.

Is this Mother Nature screwing around with my hormonal systems or have I actually fallen in love?



schleppenheimer
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17 Jul 2009, 9:23 am

I doubt that you've fallen in "love", but you've surely falling into "smitten," or "like," or "have a major crush."

Enjoy it. Really enjoy it if it's reciprocated!



SplinterStar
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17 Jul 2009, 9:25 am

Lol. That's what I thought. I'm pretty sure he doesn't care about me a single bit though. :roll:



protest_the_hero
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17 Jul 2009, 9:38 am

Just try hitting on him very obviously and see how he reacts.



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17 Jul 2009, 9:59 am

Aspies, at least aspie males are prone to limerance. And it can start out that way.

Ask me how I know.

Could it be love? If reciprocated, probably. If not, it can drive you bonkers. The problem is that it is very difficult to control. And it can last a long time. Years. Decades even.

A wise man once said that you should never do anything you see on TV or they sing about in country and western songs.

And this is one of those main line C&W themes.

I really miss the no sex drive thing.



SplinterStar
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17 Jul 2009, 10:07 am

I have talked to him on several occasions but I'm just too weird for him i guess. He seems not to care much at all... I do miss my sex drive from time to time, but simmering it down to almost nothing has saved me a lot of heart ache and crushing unsatisfaction. I lived a little with my boyfriend from two years ago and had fun in the bedroom for once, but i've never been able to sustain connections with others for longer than a few months. I've really tried, honest. Everything just falls apart after a few months. So now I'm a dry prude again... I feel like a raisin when I describe my love life... :cry:



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17 Jul 2009, 10:30 am

Perfectly understand the raisin thing. Being a guy, I followed a different path. Dating was pretty much a disaster, and attracting a girlfriend was even worse. So I just gave up. I had, and still have, mainly female friends. Strangling the sex drive wasn't an easy thing, but once done made my life a lot more tolerable. I still would get lonely, but...

But that all blew away in an instant. The thing that drove me nuts is that I knew from the start that we could only be friends. And on one level that was fine, I have always enjoyed our friendship. But the other stuff just wouldn't go away.

So I have a different spin on this cartoon.

Image



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17 Jul 2009, 12:09 pm

I call what the OP described as lust. You can tame the drive but never will it go away :)

Just for reference, I feel that real love will make you feel the opposite of needy. Given how you've hidden your drive all these years, needy may well get mixed in for you, for a while, but its one of the key differences between relationships that are that aren't meant to and those that are: how being with the person makes you feel about yourself. Those feelings should be positive, not negative.

My husband, who is most likely AS, swore off relationships for quite a long time (I think it was 7 years, total). In fact, it was that position that kept him from asking me out for two years. I had figured he must not be interested, that he didn't see what I saw the first time we met, and so when we ran into each other I was polite but basically had moved on. Eventually he decided he was ready to date again, and put me on his "to do" list. Second, after another woman, actually, lol, but, hey, I'm glad he got a little practice in overcoming awkward before our first date - which was awkward enough, but still positive, because just somehow I knew. I, um, did a lot of dating in those two years that has caused some friction in our marriage but, overall, the time he needed to be by himself was the time he needed. You can't do what you aren't ready for. And for some, marriage is something they will never be ready for. But, as my husband proved, you never really know.


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17 Jul 2009, 12:18 pm

i dont even know what "in love" is anymore. ITS ALL INSTINCT ANYWAY *LOGICAL*

>:'I

i think you sortof answered yourself in the description, you turn idiot around him, so, i think its as close to the emotional idea of "in love" as you can get, while analyzing the crap out of it :D

normal people dont analize it, thats why to them its magical "eek i turn into an idiot bubble bubble im in looove!"

so...
as said above
enjoy it :D


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17 Jul 2009, 12:22 pm

SplinterStar wrote:
I have talked to him on several occasions but I'm just too weird for him i guess. He seems not to care much at all... I do miss my sex drive from time to time, but simmering it down to almost nothing has saved me a lot of heart ache and crushing unsatisfaction. I lived a little with my boyfriend from two years ago and had fun in the bedroom for once, but i've never been able to sustain connections with others for longer than a few months. I've really tried, honest. Everything just falls apart after a few months. So now I'm a dry prude again... I feel like a raisin when I describe my love life... :cry:


Yes, you had at least a true love experience even if it was short. Many others here didn't even have this luxury and some will never do. Your case isn't that hopeless.



DITZY72
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17 Jul 2009, 12:47 pm

definite infatuation. keep talking to him... eventually the "new" will wear off... you will become more relaxed and able to breathe and be yourself.... I hope he's interested and things work out for you.



LolaGranola
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17 Jul 2009, 5:10 pm

SplinterStar wrote:
I'm not sure what to say but... here I go. I'm a bit severe aspie wise when it comes to the emotional stuff, so I normally just ignore it and do my duties that I normally do. Even when I was first a teenager I more or less ignored the SEX drive until it died.

So I've been working at this crappy office job for some time, and now there's this new guy who's been around for two months. My logic normally rules with an iron fist but when I hang out near him on break, I'm an idiot. I hang off his words like they keep me alive or something. My emotions are totally out of control and I'm feeling terribly "needy" for the first time in years. I hate myself for this weakness but it just won't go away.

Is this Mother Nature screwing around with my hormonal systems or have I actually fallen in love?


You sound quite a bit like me. I spent over four years feeling nothing, wanting nothing to do with anyone, ever. And then this year I started talking to this guy, who I met quite awkwardly. Over the year, I would see him occasionally, and every time would swoon over every stupid thing he did or said. We started talking more second semester. It only got worse. I get butterflies when I see him now, I feel sad when I don't. It's the most irritating thing. Of course, it would be a good seven, eight months before I could admit to myself that I had ANY interest in him at all. I hate it. But I can't help it. And I don't know what to do about it.


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17 Jul 2009, 5:12 pm

It's probably just a crush at the moment. If you can, try talking to him. After a conversation, you should be able to know whether you're in love or not. (I'm no expert in this topic, but I think this is the best way to find out for sure.)


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19 Jul 2009, 9:14 am

SplinterStar wrote:
.
Is this Mother Nature screwing around with my hormonal systems or have I actually fallen in love?


Head first then heart.

Make sure he feels the same way before you go any further.



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19 Jul 2009, 3:21 pm

I think that you might have discovered something for yourself. You can suppress the desire to find a partner but you can't kill it. Suddenly this guy has entered your life and a corner of your mind has run up the flag and shouted 'hey there!' :idea:

If you really want to make his day then do something about the feelings you now have. Most guys treat it as an incredible compliment if a woman makes the first move.

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UnrelentingHorror
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14 Aug 2009, 10:50 am

Well yes in my clinical opinion as a fake doctor, yes those are some of the symptoms of love.
So.... ummmm yes, to answer your question.

Now all you need to do is control those feelings while seeking to take care of them and your good.

Gee I make it sound sooooo simple don't I? :lol: