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fiddlerpianist
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19 Jul 2009, 11:38 am

I know that a lot of us here have self-esteem issues, but I was wondering how many of us do not.

I believe that my confidence came out of being raised by in a very supportive environment growing up, and for that I am both extremly lucky and grateful. For a very long time, I didn't have any peers to judge me, so when I suddenly acquired peers, I think having confidence in myself was my defense mechanism.

People seem to sense a sort of "magical" quality to me, and I get the feeling it inspires them. I didn't believe this for a long time, and then I finally looked back at my life and it was pretty much undeniable. I don't know how much of this is due to AS traits and how much of it is due to confidence, but I suspect it's more of the latter. Or perhaps it's being confident even in those traits which are unusual that others find inspiring. I dunno. Does anyone else get the feeling that others view you this way?

Share your stories and personal experiences.


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Demon-Chorus
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19 Jul 2009, 11:44 am

What do you mean by confident? I'm confident in some areas and not in others, it really depends on which area you're are talking about. I'm confident in area's which I know I excel and am knowlegable or skillfull in and I'm not so confident in area's I don't excel or lack knowledge or skill in.

Edit: Sorry for sounding asinine, but I'm just saying confidence in one area does not denote confidence in another.


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Last edited by Demon-Chorus on 19 Jul 2009, 11:50 am, edited 1 time in total.

MathGirl
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19 Jul 2009, 11:49 am

I was wondering how many people with AS have this as well. I seem very confident to people because I don't care what people think of me. I don't have any social phobia, and can walk up to anyone and start talking to them. I can also do very odd things in public when I have emotional energy that needs to be spent or if I'm very excited about something at that moment. I don't really understand sometimes what is appropriate in different places, so I can end up being stared at. Not like I care. I like being my unique, quirky self. My friends seem to like my oddness :)


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dustintorch
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19 Jul 2009, 12:02 pm

Demon-Chorus wrote:
What do you mean by confident? I'm confident in some areas and not in others, it really depends on which area you're are talking about. I'm confident in area's which I know I excel and am knowlegable or skillfull in and I'm not so confident in area's I don't excel or lack knowledge or skill in.

Edit: Sorry for sounding asinine, but I'm just saying confidence in one area does not denote confidence in another.


I agree...I'm confindent in some areas more than others. When I'm at a club, I can be extremely confident. I can go up to people and start talking to them. I think the reasons for this are because people have always told me to be more confident and certain people have helped my confidence by telling me I'm very attractive. Also, because the question "What do you do?", always comes up. This is something I'm very confident talking about, because I love my job. It's one of my special interests. However, once that topic has been talked about, I freeze up and have no clue what else to say.



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19 Jul 2009, 12:24 pm

I am another who has never had a problem with confidence or self-esteem. Here are three of the possible reasons: 1) Like fiddlepianist, I was raised in a very supportive environment. 2) Like MathGirl, I don't care what people think of me and don't have any social phobia. I, too, can do and say unconventional things in public, but many people find my personality appealing on a certain level. 3) Despite continual disciplinary problems and doing no homework, my ability for academic achievement was remarkable.

If there is one characteristic that is the most important factor in my self-confidence it might be my thick skin. I try to be pleasant, kind and thoughtful (not always successfully), but I really don't care one iota what people think of me. For some reason people seem to hold those that are not intimidated in higher esteem. I am astonished at how sensitive many of my fellow autists appear to be.



elderwanda
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19 Jul 2009, 1:06 pm

I used to think I was confident, although people often told me I was not. I was never sure what they meant, though, because I was raised to believe I was intelligent and creative, and thought of myself that way.

As I've gotten older, I've gotten less confident, because I really haven't had any experiences of people telling me that I did well at something. It seems like at this stage of my life, if I was actually good at something, someone would have commented on it by now. In work situations, I've had too many instances of my coworkers having to redo what I was supposed to do, or other people doing things for me which was supposed to be my job, but I couldn't get it right. That tends to suck the confidence out of a person after a few decades.



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19 Jul 2009, 1:11 pm

Depends on the definition of confidence.

I always think it's something like being yourself and that you are proud of yourself no matter how much you go to pieces in an overwhelming situation. I've been called insecure a lot because I do not meet the common description of confidence because of my autism and ADHD.

I stand up for myself even when I face a group. For others too, if I think that's a good idea. Sometimes though, I think it's too silly to be bothered by something others think is 'horrible' and won't bother to fight but just do my thing, not caring about what others think.

I am perfectly fine with myself. I know my strengths and do not mind my weaknesses though I vent a lot about them seeing how they annoy me so badly! Some of my severe symptoms really out me down because they are severe (sensory mostly) but even in a meltdown and total despair my inner happiness about myself doesn't change.

No idea how this relates to confidence, but I vent a lot. I can keep quiet about some thing that do not really matter (no matter what others say) but will really complain and whine a lot about things that matter to me because that complaining is something because I'm unwilling to keep everything bottled inside.


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Vanilla_Slice
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19 Jul 2009, 2:58 pm

My confidence has increased with age and now I don't have a problem with it 99% of the time. The bad news is that it's taken me over thirty years to get to this happy state of affairs. :cry:

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19 Jul 2009, 6:30 pm

fiddlerpianist wrote:
I believe that my confidence came out of being raised by in a very supportive environment growing up, and for that I am both extremly lucky and grateful. .


With both of my parents having mental problems, and basically giving little emotional support, this has caused a lot of self-confidence, and insecurity problems, and has left a big unfullfilled hole in my life. I don't really care what people think of me anymore, and have confidence in different areas, but these problems are still there, hanging over my head.



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19 Jul 2009, 7:06 pm

I can be overconfident, but usually in a bad way, like doing stupid things when hyper and happy...


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19 Jul 2009, 7:17 pm

Quote:
Who is highly confident?


other people :lol:

I seriously think I'm one of the least confident people of all time. I havn't become close friends with a new person in five years, I can't talk to the girl I like (I can talk to my friends, but it's mostly schizophrenic randomness. fun but strange), I won't play in front of anyone despite being one of the best pianists in my school, I won't take credit for my ideas in group exercises, and I wouldn't even let my parents send in a picture of a tornado I took to the local newspaper for fear people might actually find it interesting and want to talk to me. I even deliberately have a crappy haircut and wear lifeless clothes so I'm less approachable :lol:


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DarrylZero
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19 Jul 2009, 7:24 pm

The only time I ever feel confident is when I'm using my intellectual abilities, i.e. learning something or figuring something out. I was not raised in a supportive environment and haven't really had one as an adult, either (for the most part). My lack of confidence seems to come up whenever I think about venturing outside my comfort zone. Sometimes I can get past it, other times it can be paralyzing.



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19 Jul 2009, 7:24 pm

Vanilla_Slice wrote:
My confidence has increased with age and now I don't have a problem with it 99% of the time. The bad news is that it's taken me over thirty years to get to this happy state of affairs. :cry:

Vanilla_Slice


yeah almost the same with me! Its something you build up with the years struggling with your life. Learning to not giving up and learn to be strong and learn to accept yourself and your AS. Once you get relaxed in this the confidence is there for you to stay. Well the AS wont go away and I have my black holes I fall into from time to time but mostly I know how to avoid them - due to confidence. If you put me in the right mood in the right place in the right moment you can see me cheering up a whole big audience from the stage! Although I have passed the stage stage now, lol! I wouldnt do that today but I use it as description of how a strong selfconfidence can feel like and that it can get you very far...


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Last edited by xalepax on 19 Jul 2009, 7:45 pm, edited 2 times in total.

ruveyn
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19 Jul 2009, 7:39 pm

Demon-Chorus wrote:
What do you mean by confident? I'm confident in some areas and not in others, it really depends on which area you're are talking about. I'm confident in area's which I know I excel and am knowlegable or skillfull in and I'm not so confident in area's I don't excel or lack knowledge or skill in.

Edit: Sorry for sounding asinine, but I'm just saying confidence in one area does not denote confidence in another.


I am sure you know where you have the applicable skills and where you do not. Knowing that is very important to being self-assured. Knowing one's limitations is very important.

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19 Jul 2009, 8:22 pm

I'm confident enough normally, but this confidence hangs by a thread. All it takes is one mistake or one person saying something negative and I'm done, reduced to tripping over my words and quickly headed towards depression and shutdown. So basically I have a thin skin, and it doesn't take much to really mess me up.


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