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Tracker
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28 Jul 2009, 9:39 pm

Smiley64 wrote:
And yes, he did good in that he EVENTUALLY walked away - after clenching fists and teeth !


You do know that clenching your muscles is an automatic response to anger, right? Being upset with your son for clenching his fists is like being upset at your son for crying after you tell him his dog died. As other people have said, getting angry is a natural part of being human. And showing anger is also a natural part of being human. To be upset and punish him simply for feeling an emotion is punishing him for being human. As Tory said, punishing him for displaying anger would only make him bottle it up inside and make effective resolution nearly impossible.

I have to wonder, if he is with an adult doing shopping, then why isnt the adult intervening where there happens to be a problem? You think he can't be trusted without adult supervision, but I have to wonder how much supervision is being provided when things are allowed to escalate to this level. And if you dont trust him to wander around the mall, then just tell him that if he is feeling angry, he should walk to the bathroom, get a drink of water from the drinking fountain, then come back. That should give him a bit of a chance to calm down, and I am pretty sure that he can be trusted to get to and from the bathroom at his age.



Smiley64
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28 Jul 2009, 9:45 pm

Does he know how to get home from school and such on his own.
He gets picked up from school. He doesn't have very good road sense and he gives me the willies because he doesn't always look - sometimes he does, but generally I would say that it's 80/20 (that is 20% he DOES look). Too many main roads for him to get home. The bus isn't viable either, because he does dawdle - the bus won't wait. Also, as he is prone to wandering in his head, the possibility of him missing the stop is quite high. This scares the crap out of me!

sometimes when Im angry, I dont want to talk to anyone
That's fine. But at least come near them so they don't worry about where you've got to !

And also with this day and age being as it is, I'm not keen on my kids going out alone. There have been a number of snatch-and-grab stories here in NZ, some with not very good outcomes!



Tory_canuck
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28 Jul 2009, 10:28 pm

Smiley64 wrote:
Does he know how to get home from school and such on his own.
He gets picked up from school. He doesn't have very good road sense and he gives me the willies because he doesn't always look - sometimes he does, but generally I would say that it's 80/20 (that is 20% he DOES look). Too many main roads for him to get home. The bus isn't viable either, because he does dawdle - the bus won't wait. Also, as he is prone to wandering in his head, the possibility of him missing the stop is quite high. This scares the crap out of me!

sometimes when Im angry, I dont want to talk to anyone
That's fine. But at least come near them so they don't worry about where you've got to !

And also with this day and age being as it is, I'm not keen on my kids going out alone. There have been a number of snatch-and-grab stories here in NZ, some with not very good outcomes!


Ok, fair enough.If you do need to keep him in sight, stay a few feet away, so it can give him the psychological feeling that he is given space to calm down...even though he is in plain sight.


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thepam
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29 Jul 2009, 9:58 am

cell phone. Also tell him you understand how he needs to have some space when he is upset, but because of safety issues he needs to verbally tell you that he needs extra space at that moment and you (or whomever) will leave him alone for a certain amount of time. It is safer to be apart and know where each other is, than to just walk away.
It is good that he recognizes the need to remove himself from certain situations.
With my son we practiced progressive muscle relaxation and slow breathing to help us calm down. These can be done just before bed time. I do see my son using them when he is upset.