My father is not very tolerant

Post Reply New Topic

I dont know why, but he always seems to be really really shocked when I break a social rule (I cant help it most of the time) and ends up ranting at me about how I MUST be normal, and how aspergers doesnt exist and im just bad. Its actually upsetting me, why cant he understand?! He just tells me off. I hate being shouted at (sensory) and I spend most of my time in my room because im scared to be around him because I might make a mistake (socially)

I got the same thing from my mom when I was a kid, which is weird because she is most likely a aspie as well. As I grew I would back-talk her more.... my mom is the kind of person that you have to yell to get your point accross. I was still living at home while I was in college, and I had tons of work to do, it was 1am when I was starting to wrap up on my work, and my mom was go nuts that I wasn't in bed by 10pm. I yelled at her 'don't you dare tell someone my age to get to bed, while I have work to be done'

she hasn't bugged me about bed-time since then.

Does your dad have a very strong negative perception of disability? He could be in denial about the reality of Asperger's because he can't reconcile you with his stereotype.

I mean, I see nothing wrong with him pointing it out to you when you make a social misstep; but you would think he could be nice about it instead of yelling at you.

My dad would probably be similar to yours if he knew about my aspergers (I'm a very mild case). Wish I had some good advice for you, but the way he seems to think aspergers doesn't exist is a major hurdle to get over. That kind of attitude tends to defy logic, so a logical argument won't likely help you much. Anyone have creative solutions? Though you could yell back at him that aging doesn't exist it's all in your head just to see what happens.

THIS.

You can't reason someone out of a position they haven't reasoned themselves into in the first place.

I'm sorry to say that you can't do much. Slip him some AS articles to read? Don't make it too obvious or he'll reject them out of hand or won't even read them.

Wait until you are 18 and get the hell out of there?

next time ithappens just openly say to who ever is there your sorry if made a fau pax and you excuse your fathers intolerance of your mistakes and that you will try hardeder not to do the same again.

i dare say he will be so embarrised if attention is drawn to him being upset about it poeple will think far worse of him than you. may make him think twice before doing it again

My father isn't that bad, but when I still lived at home he would often use autism against me as a disciplinary thing (ie. "you aren't autistic, are you?" like you would tell a person "you aren't a baby, are you?"). I was at the time undiagnosed and now that I am diagnosed, he won't believe it.

Well, I suggest that you get tough (but assertive) with him and tell him that no matter how much he chastises you, you cannot stop being autistic. It is something that he is going to have to deal with the same way as you are dealing with it. If he has anything to say about you're social ineptness, ask him to be empathetic and to try and use constructive criticsm.

If he doesn't believe that Asperger's is real and you've shown him evidence that he won't believe in, ignore it when he says that AS isn't real because to be honest, a person who doesn't believe that something is real without sibstantial evidence to support that claim is really following the same line of logic as a hlocaust denier and holocaust deniers are just idiots that should be ignored.

Where is the concrete evidence?

Where is the physical test that's medically provable?


I was supposedly assessed for AS and didn't believe it was "real" for years!

Lots of people are skeptical, I don't honestly blame them for having doubts, given all the confusing misinformation out there.

If AS is in part a "culturally bound syndrome" how would one prove that physically?


I'm sorry for "nitpicking" but I've kind got irritated with people who've said:
"You have AS." to me in slow, condescending voices over the years, without them explicitly explaining what I "have" physically and why they're so concerned about it.

I also add that when people said this to me, it wasn't a compliment.


I think that if someone shows me a brain scan of my head or does a genetic test on me and shows me some proper scientific data on how my brain works, then I'll probably accept it better.

At the moment, all I can do is introspect and say how things look from my perspective.
To be fair, I think it is hard for anyone to truly see things from another's perspective.
The only truly comprehensive way of appreciating how someone view's the world is to try and get inside his/her own mind!


As for solid evidence I can get my folks to believe, I've yet to find any convincing enough.

I don't know if real is a precise enough word.
Is what goes on in the mind "real" or just a "software" projection of the brain's "hardware"?

I'm not saying that AS doesn't exist: genetic variations in human temperaments and mental operating systems/mental wiring are very real.

I'm saying that it's incredibly hard to explain it in a casual way to a lay-person, or show concrete evidence for it, particularly when that person is misinformed or skeptical to start with.

Last edited by AmberEyes on 23 Jul 2009, 12:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

My father used to be like this. Basically what I did was just stop trying to tell him I had AS and just said, 'that's just the way my mind works' or something like that. Some parents get really angry when 'some doctor' diagnoses their kid with a condition that is not obvious (like Downs, Cerebal palsy etc.). My Dad is fine with the diagnosis now but still seems to think that I could become 'normal' if I try hard enough.

Kris94,
I am so sorry for the pain your father is causing you. I know what you are going through and it's not easy. I was hospitalized several times by my father who tried to beat the normal into me. (I'm 40 now so it was a lifetime ago) Hang tough and get out when you can.

Sounds like denial mixed in with a bigoted "it's all in your head" attitude.