Page 1 of 1 [ 15 posts ] 

Tory_canuck
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jun 2009
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,373
Location: Red Deer, Alberta, Canada

23 Jul 2009, 1:49 am

Does anyone get uncomfortable when a stranger pats them on the back, or touches them, or anything as such?

Today at work, I had to help a blind person with his shopping.He had to hold my arm as I guided him through the store.I felt pretty tense and akward during the whole time.I have nothing against blind people, I just dont feel comfortable with contact with people I do not know.I only like it when people I know and trust and have known for a long time, such as my parents, hugging or patting me on the back.Other than that, I tense up and don't feel comfortable.

When I used to work at the co-op grocery store in Vegreville, there were times when the elderly folks sometimes hugged me unexpectedly or petted my head.I felt tense and akward with that too.


_________________
Honour over deciet, merit over luck, courage over popularity, duty over entitlement...dont let the cliques fool you for they have no honour...only superficial deceit.

ALBERTAN...and DAMN PROUD OF IT!!


pensieve
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Nov 2008
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,204
Location: Sydney, Australia

23 Jul 2009, 3:18 am

Yeah, I don't like hugging people that I just met or rarely see.


_________________
My band photography blog - http://lostthroughthelens.wordpress.com/
My personal blog - http://helptheywantmetosocialise.wordpress.com/


matt
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Dec 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 916

23 Jul 2009, 3:33 am

Yes. I don't like anyone touching me if I'm not expecting them to, and I almost never like unfamiliar people touching me.

Where I work some of the people will sometimes touch my arm or pat me on the back. I have been told that this is to make me more comfortable but it has the opposite effect. It makes me very tense and nervous and so I try to stay far enough away from them that they can't reach me.



outlier
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Oct 2008
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,429

23 Jul 2009, 4:12 am

I don't even like being too near them, let alone touching. I am not even comfortable being touched by my parents and stiffen or push them away on the rare occasions they attempt it. I only like being touched when I am part of a couple.



ChangelingGirl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Sep 2007
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,640
Location: Netherlands

23 Jul 2009, 6:25 am

For a little perspective, I am a blind person, uncomfortable with unexpected touches, and get patted, pushed and pulled by strangers all the time, often without warning. I have learned to pretty much deal with it, but sometimes really can't stand it that strangers wouldn't even ask me if they can help me before pushing or pulling me a side, and I react with a snappy comment - which again gets people to be blunt with me because "they were just wanting to be helpful, can't you appreciate this?!"

I understand that you feel uncomfortable having to sighted guide a blind person. Did the person use the proper technique, ie. hold your elbow lightly? I cannot think of a way of guiding a blind person without touching them (grabbing their cane is unsafe and very inadequate), but this is the technique I know with the least physical contact (and it's best to show the blind person where you're going without having to elaborate a lot).



ZEGH8578
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Feb 2009
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,532

23 Jul 2009, 6:33 am

personal space varies from culture to culture as well

in very densely populated areas, personal space is shorter

theres a "thing" here where asian tourists will unintentionally freak native norwegians out, by walking/standing way too close, while having a lot of free space around them. their personal space is shorter, so they dont notice standing "way too close" to strangers, that is locals, who need a lot more space around them to feel comfortable.

walking w my friends here we keep at least a foot between us, among my uncle and his friends in spain, they walk w only inches between, which freaks me out when im there :I
"hey dont walk so far away!"
"im not far away :("


_________________
''In the world I see - you are stalking elk through the damp canyon forests around the ruins of Rockefeller Center.''


dustintorch
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 May 2009
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 562

23 Jul 2009, 7:43 am

Yes absolutely, I'll cringe if someone unexpectedly touches me. Then people ask if I'm ticklish and I'm not really at all. I like being touched if I'm dating the person or if it's a friend that i know well and like. If it's just an acquaintance I don't like it at all.



ColdBlooded
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jun 2009
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,136
Location: New Bern, North Carolina

23 Jul 2009, 1:35 pm

YES. I don't like having to stand too close to people, either. Yesterday at work, for example, two people were asking me to unlock a graphing calculator from a locking peg, and they were sort of standing on each side of it, giving me a very narrow space to get between them to unlock it. I stood there for a second looking at them to see if they'd get the idea that i didn't want to get between them, but they didn't.. So i sort of reached my arm awkwardly between them, out in from of me, to unlock it and then quickly stepped back. Know that this probably appeared strange and trying to make sure they weren't offended i just said "sorry, got some space issues." And if someone stands too close to me, even someone i know pretty well, i have a tendency to step back.. Just kind of a natural reflex for me. I don't really like to be touched, either. I can deal with a brief tap, shaking hands with people, and all that(even if i'm not particularly fond of the feeling).. But with hugging and stuff, i even stiffen up when i have to hug my immediate family.

This is why the "do you invade others' personal space?" is always one of the few Aspie questions on diagnostic tests i answer "no" to... Because i don't like people being in my space.. and being in someone else's space would put them in my space. I probably allow to much space.



BadPuddle
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 11 May 2009
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 57
Location: North West England

23 Jul 2009, 2:06 pm

I don't really like being touched at all, except when I am part of a couple, by my partner. Lots of people I work with touch my arm, or pat my shoulder, and I can swear I can literally feel their 'handprint' on my flesh for the rest of the day.



FiveEggsIn
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jul 2009
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 50

23 Jul 2009, 3:05 pm

I am NT and get very tense and uncomfortable if acquaintances or strangers touch me. I don't mind being accidentally bumped at the market or having someone in my immediate family run up and give me an unexpected hug. Someone in my extended family walking up behind me and rubbing my shoulders or patting my back or hugging me gives me the heeby geebies, though, just like acquaintances who touch my arm or hug me. It is far too intimate for how little I know them and I'm particularly uncomfortable with it if it is a man because I'm a married woman and don't need or want intimate male friends. I consider those actions for people in my closest circle which includes female friends and my immediate family. Everyone else can just mind the personal bubble and shake hands, wave, or do other less intimate acts.



oppositedirection
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Apr 2009
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 515

23 Jul 2009, 4:38 pm

Wouldn't be happy about it normally but if I'm highly stressed then this is something which would really get to me.



AGMorehouse
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 31 May 2008
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 186
Location: Wouldn't you like to know you stalker

23 Jul 2009, 6:33 pm

I do get irritated when I'm interrupted when I am busy (like reading a book or watching a movie).


_________________
Though there's no one there to guide you
No one to take your hand
But with faith and understanding
you will jouney from boy to man


Cicely
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Apr 2009
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 928
Location: USA

23 Jul 2009, 7:23 pm

I don't like being touched or hugged, especially by people I don't know well or am not very comfortable around. Even with people I know and like, I'm uncomfortable with more than an occasional touch. If it's unexpected, like if somebody sneaks up behind me and touches my arm, that's really jarring and pisses me off. I don't even like it when people stand too close to me.

Now that I think about it, I'm not sure I've ever initiated a hug, not even when I was little. I ought to ask my parents about that.



buryuntime
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Dec 2008
Age: 82
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,662

23 Jul 2009, 7:27 pm

If anyone brushes into me into my home or touches me I throw a fit, scream and cry and such.

If I'm in public, I have bad anxiety so I don't do any of that. I hide from them and turn the other way and hide. Kind of like a shy 5 year old. :oops: I'm actually having a huge problem with this lately. I'm kind of glad I have such bad anxiety, I don't want to get so angry I'd hurt something or hurt property.



JetLag
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Aug 2008
Age: 70
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,762
Location: California

23 Jul 2009, 11:01 pm

Yes, the same here. Whenever a stranger touches or bumps into me, or even shakes my hand, I usually get the jitters. It sometimes feels as though small jolts of electricity were going through my system.


_________________
Stung by the splendor of a sudden thought. ~ Robert Browning