Aspie Partner + Aspie Friend

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Hi Guys,

It's me again...
Anyway, ive been going out with my AS gf for nearly 7 months now. and basically, things have been rocky, but right now things are patching up a bit.

cutting the crap - i have a friend (male) who has AS as well, who is the same age i am. my gf is 15 turning 16 very soon, and im 17. she first talked to him during our formal (deb) night (we dont go to the same school btw) and they only talked a bit about 5 mins.
recently on facebook, she added my friend and started talking to him. and messaging him and stuff.
one of my best friends who has AS told me about it recently when she messaged him a few times. I asked him how many times/and at what times, and what kind stuff was said and all...

at first i was iffy, but it was alright what they were talking about. but what shocked me was that one day i sent her a message early in the morning, and my friend had sent one later that night. she replied to my friend 3 times before i asked her "how come ur not not replying to me" and then she cracked it at me and said "why do u always get mad, i will find time to reply to you. then told me that the only reason why they were talking was because he initiated the messages (which is a big lie, backed up with evidence)


and anyway...ill stop the soap opera...main question is....what the heck is going on - is she suddenly interested in my friend, has she suddenly lost interest in me? is she just using me for the meantime?
btw to make things more interesting she told me the other day "i wasnt really ready for it all the other times i told you i loved you (i was like yuck)" and...today she asked me "i wonder if ur friend thinks im hot"
btw my friend respects me so much and listens to me he said he will never betray me and will do whatever i want (he even said i love you to me, which was very heartwarming - btw no im not gay neither is he)

so yeah....advice please...
It will be really appriciated....
Orange sun

I'm confused. I'm not sure what this all means. I'll try to answer honestly about my theory, it will probably be very blunt.

Perhaps, point out the lie to her and ask her about it. It doesn't sound good, but she may have some explaination. As regards the anger, she may have felt guilty for not responding or for some other reason that made her defensive.

If her explaination is valid to you then explain how her asking that about your friend is not correct behaviour and sends the message (along with previous behaviour) that she's not serious about things.

As you said in your previous post as regards this, she may not be emotionally mature enough for a real relationship of this nature. I didn't date until college because I didn't feel emotionally ready for one until the age of 20/21, I understood that I felt things but couldn't name them till about that age.

It's good that your friend is being honest with you and you seem like a nice person, also you seem to be a mature person.

No offense, but you guys are 15 and 17. Neither of you are really mature enough to know what you want in a relationship or to make a commitment at that age, so of course she's going to be interested in other guys. 15 year olds don't really know what love is and they only want boyfriends because they think that they're supposed to have one and they want to fit in, or they think that they need a man to be happy. It has nothing to do with Aspergers. And if your friend really respects you, he wouldn't be talking to your girlfriend behind your back.

Or a less cynical theory, it could be that she just wants someone else to talk to who has AS (do you have AS? I didn't look at your profile before I hit reply). If you're an NT, maybe she just wants an AS friend to talk to about... aspie things, but still wants to be in a relationship with you.

When she asked you " I wonder if your friend thinks I'm hott?", it makes me think she's either trying to make you jealous, so you'll pay more attention to her, she's mad at you about something, or she's trying to get you to break up with her. Either way, it's kind of childish behavior.