Changes do constantly upset me, just in a really subtle and mild ways. But the confusion and poor shifts in the gears are still there.
Just never ends up in spiralling anxiety or panic.
Unless it's a really abrupt and last minute thing that just happened to mattered to me too much, I'd still unlikely ever reach a meltdown by any change.
And my "standards" for security and order are almost minimal -- just by having a space I own and only I can access, which is far few in between.
I don't have a lot of choice growing up. I still don't have that much of an option.
I tried, really, to make this chaos at least a home to me.
But that just won't happen. It's just like mastering a language I could never be fluent with.
It's not like a worn out shoe that would eventually fit around your feet by wearing it for too long.
It's more like a shoe that just brings you nothing but constricting aches, won't worn down around your feet but fry your nerves and gives you complications after years of having to wear it.
The shoe still won't worn down around the thousand steps you took, it just won't let your feet not breathe for years.
And couldn't get a different pair because you can't afford it.