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aussiegal69
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31 Jul 2009, 6:56 am

Why would it be hard to love someone with Aspie??? And how to understand them



sinsboldly
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31 Jul 2009, 7:42 am

the condition is known as Asperger's Syndrome, and a person that has the condition are informally called 'Aspies'. One does not have 'Aspie'.

I am an Aspie and I find it difficult to love myself, however your mileage may vary.

Merle


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visnofskygirl
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31 Jul 2009, 8:47 am

aussiegal69 wrote:
EDITED:Why would it be hard to love someone with ASPERGERS SYNDROME???how to understand them?


hmmm....

It's because they are pretty much indescribable and they might change their moods easily.Actually,It's not really hard to love an Aspie.It's the matter of how you handle it.If you love him/her,It would be very easy for you to accept him/her as what he/she is. Try to be patient as often as possible.You might feel invisible to him/her sometimes but he/she won't replace you..(Aspies are LOYAL :P)


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31 Jul 2009, 10:50 am

Most aspies tend to meet the criteria for narcissistic personality disorder (Abliet they meet the criteria for different reasons than a narcissist). It's kind of hard to love a narcissist :wink:



DITZY72
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31 Jul 2009, 11:10 am

It's not hard to love them. People with Aspbergers are incredibly loveable.... It's not wanting to choke them that's hard. LOL. When they pull away and ignore you... for what seems to you no apparent reason.... and they are unable to tell you why they are pulling away etc. It's hard to understand because even though they are very honest they aren't always the most forth coming with communication you need to know what is going on and not feel left out, ignored etc.



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31 Jul 2009, 12:54 pm

sinsboldly wrote:
the condition is known as Asperger's Syndrome, and a person that has the condition are informally called 'Aspies'. One does not have 'Aspie'.

I am an Aspie and I find it difficult to love myself, however your mileage may vary.

Merle


Not muskrat love topic

To the mods: there is a sticky in Adult Autism Issues labeled In love w/ aspie. I suggest changing the title to something more appropriate.


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AussieAspie
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01 Aug 2009, 5:21 am

I don't think it would be hard to love an aspie, but it may be hard to communicate with one at times. All I can say is be as open and honest as possible, talk about everything. Give an aspie some time and space to think about how you might be feeling inside. If they seem to be missing the point sometimes they just need a little time and the brutal truth.



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01 Aug 2009, 7:16 pm

Welcome to Wrong Planet aussiegirl69,
I hope you will stay with us and get some answers to the questions you may have. The most difficult thing about relationships between NT's & Aspergers people is that Aspergers people often cannot understand how another person feels. Therefore it is important that you try to explain yourself to your boyfriend without using too many unspoken clues. If he see's that you are upset he might not know why or what to do to help you. He may not know if he has done or said something to hurt your feelings unless he is told bluntly. I know you may not want to be blunt about it in case you hurt his feelings but if he knows the reasons why then he can act on changing his behaviour. Most Aspies wont be offended and will be relieved to know what is wrong so they can clear things up.

I find that most people with Aspergers Syndrome are very loving careing people who genuinely want to work on their relationships and remain loyal to their partners. Aspies are very honest people too and they expect that others should be as honest as they are, which is not always the case, therefore they can take everything you say literally. Aspies find it dificult to understand metaphor and sarcasm, if you joke with them say for instance "your an ass" they could take that literally and be offended unless you make it clear that it was a joke. On the other hand Aspies may easily understand a funny ha ha kind of joke.

So in summary, good clear communication is the key to a relationship with an Aspie. If you show him your love and willingness to grow together, he will love you and respect you and grow with you too.

AA



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14 Aug 2009, 10:30 am

Because alot of our initial instincts on what to do are pretty much anathema to your average relationship. The possible mood swings, being withdrawn, and on and on.
Thats why we need to overcome these difficulties.



CrinklyCrustacean
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14 Aug 2009, 12:21 pm

We are so different, and many of the unwritten 'rules' people without Asperger's syndrome take for granted do not apply.



Last edited by CrinklyCrustacean on 14 Aug 2009, 6:00 pm, edited 2 times in total.

JohnHopkins
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14 Aug 2009, 5:09 pm

sinsboldly wrote:
the condition is known as Asperger's Syndrome, and a person that has the condition are informally called 'Aspies'. One does not have 'Aspie'.


This is why. This is completely ordinary to sinsboldly and the other people on here, it's just being helpful or correcting you for no reason other than to just make it correct. But to anyone else, this could be seen as incredibly rude, especially if it was in a genuine face-to-face conversation.

And that is the problem with Asperger's. There are so many things that come so naturally to NTs that don't necesasrily to us, so that we don't even KNOW if we've been rude to you necessarily.



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14 Aug 2009, 5:54 pm

JohnHopkins wrote:
There are so many things that come so naturally to NTs that don't necessarily to us, so that we don't even KNOW if we've been rude to you necessarily.


Yes, exactly: unintentional rudeness can be a problem. Suppose a girl says to their (male) friend: "does my bum look big in this skirt?" (and it does). The NT may say, "no, not at all, it makes you look beautiful." The Aspie will probably say 'yes', because to them it is a genuine question asking for an honest answer. The girl's subsequent anger and scolding will seem unreasonable, inexplicable, and completely illogical, leaving the poor guy wondering where and how he made his mistake.



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15 Aug 2009, 12:39 am

Awww but a big bum can be a good thing :D



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15 Aug 2009, 12:00 pm

DITZY72 wrote:
It's not hard to love them. People with Aspbergers are incredibly loveable.... It's not wanting to choke them that's hard. LOL. When they pull away and ignore you... for what seems to you no apparent reason.... and they are unable to tell you why they are pulling away etc. It's hard to understand because even though they are very honest they aren't always the most forth coming with communication you need to know what is going on and not feel left out, ignored etc.


This one is huge. Someone with Asperger's is easy to love and love hard. But they do tend to pull away and get quiet and that lack of communication can be difficult. That's the biggest problem I've encountered is communication.


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15 Aug 2009, 6:12 pm

The question is loaded.

@Michjo you're quite wrong, people misunderstand the criteria for NPD and accuse various people of having it, when in fact the majority do not meet the criteria even if they are arse holes. I can give a detailed explanation if you wish.



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16 Aug 2009, 2:46 am

Michjo wrote:
Most aspies tend to meet the criteria for narcissistic personality disorder (Abliet they meet the criteria for different reasons than a narcissist). It's kind of hard to love a narcissist :wink:



Yes, because the amount of disappointment with oneself I see all over the threads in this section totally prove that.

No I must disagree I think we aren't as easy to love for different reasons. Albeit still tied to issues with our personalities.