how often do you get this when you go to bars?

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roadGames
Velociraptor
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01 Aug 2009, 6:20 pm

Last night, I went to this bar comprised of a bunch of divorced, working class baby boomers, people in their late thirties/early forties, and then a few younger folks (not as many as you'd find in most bars) in the 21-30 range. In addition, there was this horrendously mixed instrumental house music band playing to make the vibe of the place even weirder. Anyways, the generational clusterfuck that was this bar is not the topic of this thread, but rather just serves to give you a better idea of the place.

After getting past the ID check, I run into this chubby boomer lady who asks me "they let you in here?" in a fairly condescending manner, to which I respond in a sort of surprised, but friendly manner "Yeah, apparently. Pretty crazy, huh?" After my response, she throws me this sort of disgusted look and I move on. I wanted to say something sarcastic and biting, but held my tongue because I suspected she had some equally fat, drunken boomer man toy around somewhere who she'd go cry to. Why would you ask this kind of question for any other reason than to put somebody down?

This is one of the few times anything like this has happened to me, but I always hear about it on here, so go ahead and tell your stories about people in bars or parties giving you s**t because you look <21. Is there anything you can say to sort of diffuse the situation beyond ignoring it or blowing them off? For you older aspies who had the boyish look into your early twenties, when did you start looking at least 21? Most people say I look around 19 and I'm actually 23.



MorbidMiss
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01 Aug 2009, 6:29 pm

I am not an Aspie and I look much younger than I am. My husband gets a lot of "dirty old man" looks when we are out. I mean some people seem to be completely horrified at the sight of him kissing me.

I would not take something some drunk person said seriously. But if it really bothered you, and you felt a person really did mean it maliciously, then you could say something like, "Oh yeah, superior genetics means never having to hire a plastic surgeon!"



riverotter
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01 Aug 2009, 8:45 pm

I would just take it as a compliment and move on.

A lady called me "ma'am" today, and I let it bother me. But after I had graduated from college and was working as a nurse, older people used to ask me if I was candy-striping, or if I wanted to be a nurse when I grew up. I used to feel insulted at that also. In all these cases, people were probably trying to be polite. That lady might have been just surprised by your youthful visage.



Tory_canuck
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02 Aug 2009, 1:15 am

Dont get that here.In Alberta, and most of Canada, the legal age in which one can go to the bar or buy booze is 18.


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Tory_canuck
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02 Aug 2009, 1:17 am

LOL..if ya wanted to be an arse, ya coulda asked the chubby lady how she managed to fit through the doors and how she managed to get by without greenpeace tryin to haul her into the ocean. :P


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marshall
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02 Aug 2009, 2:35 am

I don't go to bars so I wouldn't know. I've had more general incidents where a complete strangers made similar completely uncalled-for meddling accusations.

Once I tried to use my credit card at a gas station, only I didn't swipe my card correctly and the pump timed out. I was in such a hurry that I didn't realize that my credit card didn't register before I pickup up the nozzle and filled the tank. Then when I finished filling I didn't wait for the receipt or notice that I still needed to pay inside. I started to drive off and the clerk came out and stopped me.

I apologized and explained the situation but then this old dude walks up to me and says "I wouldn't try that again if I were you". At first I felt sort of sheepish at being accused of something I would never even think of doing. I awkwardly explained what happened but when the guy gave me a look of disbelief my initial fear turned to agitation (I was already in bad mood from being late). As I walked off I kicked the trash can over and yelled "go f*** yourself". They guy kept rattling stuff but I stopped listening got in the car and drove off. I was upset for a couple days because of that one as*hole. I'm so oversensitive to that kind of crap.



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02 Aug 2009, 1:12 pm

I've only been in a few bars in my life and have been carded every time. I was still be carded when buying wine up to a few years ago (I'm 40+). Perhaps people's vision is part of the explanation.

I think part of the reason I (and perhaps other Aspies) look younger than their actual age has to do with clothing, hairstyle, makeup (for women), and other accessories and accouterments that most people (i.e.: NTs) associate with a certain age range. I would also include body weight, which in Aspies tends not to increase as much as it does in the rest of the population because so many of us have food issues.

Add the dim environment of a bar, plus patrons not being in full possession of their faculties due to alcohol, and errors are probably common. The statements quoted above are fascinating though. I wonder what motivates drunk middle-aged people to speak that way.



anna-banana
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02 Aug 2009, 2:30 pm

yeah I had that a few days ago, me and my friend were shooting tequillas at the bar when I noticed a guy next to me looking at me with a totally disguisted look (it was so cartoonish that it was actually pretty easy to interpret), then he said something like "I have a daughter your age and I hope she doesn't act like you", so I asked him how old exactly and the guy said 16 8O (I don't look *that* young)

he was appologising me afterwards though. I thought it was kinda a compliment.


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roadGames
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02 Aug 2009, 2:35 pm

I just thought of a way to spin this around on them. Instead of making some equally offensive remark (I've gotta admit the greenpeace one is good, haha), I could just say "what are you trying to say that I look young, 'cause I find that really flattering." Eh, I could see how that could get you punched in the face, too.