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roadGames
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02 Aug 2009, 2:55 pm

In the past, I've found that when girls I'm not attracted to are attracted to me, it's very difficult to kill their interest. The only thing that appears to do it is time.

What are some factors/behaviors that can turn you off to someone you're initially attracted to?



KittenWithAWhip
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02 Aug 2009, 3:19 pm

Hmmm...probaby time and total indifference. Don't be mean, but don't be nice because you 'don't want to hurt their feelings'. Any contact at all could be construed as interest. :?


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02 Aug 2009, 3:27 pm

nah, indifference doesn't work, it can even make things worse. best get some friend to act as your girlfriend, that usually works fine.


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02 Aug 2009, 4:24 pm

what the...

*sigh*

there are times that I wish girls were attracted to me... even if I wasn't attracted back, it would at least make me feel like I mean something in this world...



roadGames
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02 Aug 2009, 4:33 pm

Perhaps I poorly stated my question. What I really meant to ask was, from your perspective as a female, what have guys unintentionally done to negate your initial attraction to them. I know potential turn offs could go on forever based on specific people's tastes, but what are some general things? It seems like you really don't see this kind of thing too often.



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02 Aug 2009, 5:35 pm

finding out he is racist or homophobic or holds similar disreputable beliefs. I found out someone had slept with protitutes and that grossed me out.



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02 Aug 2009, 5:39 pm

roadGames wrote:
Perhaps I poorly stated my question. What I really meant to ask was, from your perspective as a female, what have guys unintentionally done to negate your initial attraction to them. I know potential turn offs could go on forever based on specific people's tastes, but what are some general things? It seems like you really don't see this kind of thing too often.


Back in the day, when I was in college, there was a guy I was casual friends with and I was really attracted to him. I invested about 2 months frantically sending him non-verbal signals that I was attracted. But he just blew them off. I finally just gave up and looked elsewhere. My attraction was destroyed by his complete lack of interest in any signals I was sending.

This is why I have been hammering on ToadofSteel so hard to get a friend's help in reading the signals of women he knows. Just in case he is unwittingly ignoring the signals of a woman until she eventually gives up, as I did. (Of course maybe he actually was uninterested.)



rathernotsay
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02 Aug 2009, 7:42 pm

Janissy wrote:
roadGames wrote:
Perhaps I poorly stated my question. What I really meant to ask was, from your perspective as a female, what have guys unintentionally done to negate your initial attraction to them. I know potential turn offs could go on forever based on specific people's tastes, but what are some general things? It seems like you really don't see this kind of thing too often.


Back in the day, when I was in college, there was a guy I was casual friends with and I was really attracted to him. I invested about 2 months frantically sending him non-verbal signals that I was attracted. But he just blew them off. I finally just gave up and looked elsewhere. My attraction was destroyed by his complete lack of interest in any signals I was sending.

This is why I have been hammering on ToadofSteel so hard to get a friend's help in reading the signals of women he knows. Just in case he is unwittingly ignoring the signals of a woman until she eventually gives up, as I did. (Of course maybe he actually was uninterested.)


Why don't you devulge some of your ways of signaling and possibly a few real life examples. I have to admit I'm terrible at noticing this and I don't like the idea that some woman thinks I simply ignored her.



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02 Aug 2009, 9:23 pm

roadGames wrote:
In the past, I've found that when girls I'm not attracted to are attracted to me, it's very difficult to kill their interest. The only thing that appears to do it is time.

What are some factors/behaviors that can turn you off to someone you're initially attracted to?


It isn't easy to turn someone off when they're completely attracted to you. It's kind of like a breakup, I was in a situation a few months ago when a fling turned into someting serious. One thing for sure, don't get into a fling because someone ends up hurt.

As far as breaking the news goes, just write a list of reasons you don't want to be with her. I take it you don't want to hurt her, tell her that you're unreliable in relationships and that you'd only end up hurting her feelings. It could be factual information (or you may have to think of something yourself), and it doesn't say anything about your level of attraction towards her.

She might ask if you don't find her attractive, when you get down to it, a situation like this is going to put her through a type of grieving process and she'll want to reason with you towards a relationship or some kind of resolution. Tell her what you want in a relationship (ie; someone older than her, someone who has more confidence, ect...), this is the reason I avoid relationships most of the time.

It's really hard doing something like this, especially since you know what it feels like when it's done to you (I assume). One thing you'll have to remember is that every time you've ever been rejected, you didn't have what the other person wanted, and they went on their way to get it from someone else. It sounds cold, but I find it a useful ancidote to remember in this situaton.

I've been on both sides of this fence, and I have to say that actually telling someone that you aren't interested is hard, I'd rather they figure it out for themselves, but on the flipside, I'd rather they just tell me in private when they're not interested and apologize for wasting my time, see the paradox yet?



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02 Aug 2009, 10:28 pm

Dude, you've gotta stop using the AXE Body Spray(TM)


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03 Aug 2009, 12:20 am

Roadgames I hear this big time, and what I do in these situations is the absolute worst. Socially I tend to play off of the general energy of those around me; if someone is "into" me, because in those cases they tend to give a vibe of being very genuinely nice, I respond with similar kindness, without understanding that from their point of view it's "like that". So basically everybody winds up confused.

I am a straight guy, but apparently I even mistakenly do this with gay dudes sometimes. It gets to the point where even if I explicitly and repeatedly tell them that I am not gay, they still get the sense that maybe in their case I will make an exception :lol:

Along the same lines, I am cursed in the sense that for some reason I seem to be perceived as attractive by gay dudes far more often than by women.

Such is life I guess.



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03 Aug 2009, 1:15 am

Gawk at other girls in front of her, drool like a moron, and then slurp the spit back into your grinning mouth. :P


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03 Aug 2009, 5:24 am

Isn't this sort of like getting out of Jury Duty?


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03 Aug 2009, 6:41 am

rathernotsay wrote:
Janissy wrote:
roadGames wrote:
Perhaps I poorly stated my question. What I really meant to ask was, from your perspective as a female, what have guys unintentionally done to negate your initial attraction to them. I know potential turn offs could go on forever based on specific people's tastes, but what are some general things? It seems like you really don't see this kind of thing too often.


Back in the day, when I was in college, there was a guy I was casual friends with and I was really attracted to him. I invested about 2 months frantically sending him non-verbal signals that I was attracted. But he just blew them off. I finally just gave up and looked elsewhere. My attraction was destroyed by his complete lack of interest in any signals I was sending.

This is why I have been hammering on ToadofSteel so hard to get a friend's help in reading the signals of women he knows. Just in case he is unwittingly ignoring the signals of a woman until she eventually gives up, as I did. (Of course maybe he actually was uninterested.)


Why don't you devulge some of your ways of signaling and possibly a few real life examples. I have to admit I'm terrible at noticing this and I don't like the idea that some woman thinks I simply ignored her.



I wrote a really long post about this in the thread "Another question for the women" started by ToadofSteel. I have no idea how to move my text from one thread to another so please go to that thread to read it. It's near the beginning of the thread and also explains how to send non-verbal signals of your own and decode the answers.

Here are some non-verbal signals:

she sits closer to you than is really necessary

she leans toward you when talking

she puts her hand on your arm, back or shoulder in the context of getting your attention

she grabs any chance for you to be alone together (example: beer runs out at a party, somebody says"we need more beer", she says "Rathernotsay, let's go to the store and get some"

All of these are deliberately non-sexual and non-romantic so as not to force you to say out loud "I really don't like you that way" if you really don't. If you don't respond in kind, she eventually gives up with no explicit, verbal rejection happening on either side. For how to respond in kind and decode her answers, see my post on ToadofSteel's thread "Another question for the women".



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03 Aug 2009, 11:04 am

One thing that scares most women off is to talk about any sexual fetishes or proclivities you might have (at least early in the relationship). Once they decide you are a sex fiend, and not in a normal way, or that you use women, they usually high-tail it out of there.