Avoiding using and getting used

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Janissy
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05 Aug 2009, 2:44 pm

biostructure wrote:
[And it's not inequitable if the girl wants the same sort of thing. I've read on other sites that there really are quite some women looking for JUST sex (just none happen to be in my area), so I'd figure that if there is a real personal connection in addition to the sex (even if not a romantic one, at least by adult standards) then there would be even more "takers". And like I said, there must be some girls who are missing experience from their younger lives as well. Though unfortunately fewer because it's so easy for them to get experience.

I.



You are looking for a woman so rare as to be non-existant for all practical purposes. Given that there are 6 billion people, there must be some women who fit this desription, but they would be as rare as unicorns because you are asking for something that goes against female biology. You are asking a woman to give her heart to you enough to like you as a friend and have a real personal connection. Yet she must ALSO be attracted enough to you to have sex with you. For 99% of women, the combination of those two things leads inevitably to romantic relationship. At least that is what their expectation will be. Other posters have warned about the perils of going into that with the blithe assumption that this is do-able with no emotional consequences.

There are plenty of men who lie to women and get into a faux romance that the women see as a romance and the men see as a "friends with benefits until she finds out" situation. The word for that sort of man is $#$%^$#@. There are also men who tell the truth to women and say "Baby, I don't want to be tied down" and the women agree and fall in love anyway. I can't in good conscience say "Just go for it, dude" if you are going to be one of these men. And neither can any of the other posters- because whether you have relationship experience or not, it is clearly a bad move.

You may say you want to be neither of those men. You want to be the man who has a woman friend who likes you very much and feels a strong personal connection to you and also is strongly attracted to you enough to have sex yet somehow manages to be emotionally connected and sexually attracted without falling in love. You are unlikely to be that man because you are unlikely to meet such a woman. Out of 6 billion people she must exist somewhere. But it's more likely you will wind up being one of the first two men. Which I certainly can't give a thumbs up to.



biostructure
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05 Aug 2009, 4:08 pm

Janissy wrote:
biostructure wrote:
[And it's not inequitable if the girl wants the same sort of thing. I've read on other sites that there really are quite some women looking for JUST sex (just none happen to be in my area), so I'd figure that if there is a real personal connection in addition to the sex (even if not a romantic one, at least by adult standards) then there would be even more "takers". And like I said, there must be some girls who are missing experience from their younger lives as well. Though unfortunately fewer because it's so easy for them to get experience.

I.



You are looking for a woman so rare as to be non-existant for all practical purposes. Given that there are 6 billion people, there must be some women who fit this desription, but they would be as rare as unicorns because you are asking for something that goes against female biology.


I'm starting not to believe that there is this monolithic thing called "female biology", at least in terms of emotional or psychological characteristics. There are definitely average differences. But neither gays nor transgender people are extremely rare, yet where would they fall on this spectrum?

I have actually read women themselves say that they sometimes want someone they can trust to have sex with yet are not in a long-term relationship with. So either they are clueless about their own emotions, or they have decided that they want something more open as well.

Also, I quickly looked at your profile and think it's really telling that you are neurotypical. As such, it may be difficult for you to understand what it's like to have an brain that deviated majorly from the norm. There are many other ways in which I am unusual psychologically compared with the average person, that most "normal" people find weird.