Pregnant girlfriend

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Don't beat yourself up over it. Like I said, I have a friend this sort of thing happened to, and he's a very social and skilled NT. Its just, well, when it comes to relationships, we ALL are capable of seeing what we want to see, instead of reality. The senses can get so overwhelmed. Take it as lesson learned and moved on.

And, seriously, if the child proves to really be yours, do the best by him or her that you are capable of. The child is innocent in the situation. You may even find fatherhood to be very positive for you. The situation is far from ideal, but making the best of it will test your character in ways that will help your personal growth.

Just don't have sex or use condoms when you do. The woman on birth control isn't 100 percent gaurenteed she is protected so that's why men should also use condoms when they have it. But I am sure it's still possible for the women to still get pregnant despite using condoms and birth control so the solution to that is just don't have sex if you don't want a child or are afraid of being taken advantage of. So don't run away from relationships, just use condoms next time or don't have sex if you don't want to take the chances of the condom failing.

I'm a bipolar aspie so here's my take on it.

I don't want to go all out on bipolar issues here, but I do want to add that it's not an all bad thing, just like being an aspie isn't all bad. Those manic highs are amazing when I can keep from spilling over into an episode. No drug can compare to the feeling of I can do anything and I try to cram as much as I can into those periods of time so that the following depressive crash doesn't mess too much up. And with support even the crashes aren't too bad. Alone they are awful. I wouldn't trade the highs for anything though, just as I would never want to give up the way aspergers lets me focus so well on an interest. Both have made my life very happy despite the baggage that comes with.

My son was unplanned and my relationship with the father at the time was in EXTREMELY bad shape. We had both recently cheated on each other and we're about to give up on working through that. And add the fact that he was having a really hard time coping with my personality. Depending on which side of the bipolar swing I am REALLY effects me if I have a meltdown and I was having a horrible time conveying what was causing the meltdowns because at the time I didn't know I was an aspie, just that I was bipolar. I also NEVER wanted kids, and really would prefer not to have more. Don't get me wrong I love my little one more than anything, but I was trying to be realistic about how my issues would effect a child. Originally I wanted to give him up for adoption, but his father was heartbroken by the idea and despite our problems I loved him too much to take away his options, but was scared to leave it all up to him because I wasn't sure he was ready to be a father (at the time he was really into partying). I have an aunt who can't have children but has always wanted one and suggested that we forgo the adopting option until our son was here. If we couldn't handle the parenting thing we had a loving home ready and waiting that wouldn't guilt us into the adoption if we were able to handle it. I'm so grateful for this because that little boy has turned our lives around so much and last month my aunt did successfully adopt an adorable little boy, so she didn't get jipped in the end. Our relationship with each other still kind of sucks, but we're at a point where if it does come to separation we can still raise him together with out that awful fighting between divorced parents too many kids have to go through.

The pregnancy itself though was a nightmare. The heightened emotions were something I just could not handle and I was awful to be around for most of it and hated myself for being that way.

Here's what I suggest now that I have the personal rant out of the way.

1. Make sure you do find out if it's your child (yes, this will probably hurt her feelings, but (at least in some US states, not sure about your local laws) if you are not married a paternity test is a good idea anyway just to defend your rights as a father. If her bipolar disorder makes her unable to parent you may need to take custody to protect your child from episodes.
2. I STRONGLY advise drawing up an agreement between you that in the event she does have an episode that she or you feel is endangering the child, that the steps you both would prefer to be taken in regards to the child are preplanned. A bipolar episode is about as controllable as an Aspie meltdown.
3. Whether you stay together as a couple or not is moot. If you feel you may not be able to get along in or out of a relationship seek couples counseling now. It helps build the skills to deal with each other specifically (if you get a good counselor).
4. If you haven't done so before, look up bipolar support groups that are like what WP is for aspies. Learn how it is for her so you can detect signs of an episode early as possible and help her through it. It's like someone learning how to not aggravate a meltdown into something much worse than it would have been if they'd just backed off for a bit. Feelings of abandonment could be a trigger for her. This doesn't mean you have to stay with her, but if you guys have a kid together you need to be able to get along, and lessening her episodes is health for the child as well as her and you. This is really important during her pregnancy too. Those episodes are not healthy for the growing baby for a number of reasons, so the less frequent and smaller they can be made the better.
5. Remember that even though she planned on having more children, can you imagine the emotions giving up one child and keeping another is like. Call it selfishness or whatever, I don't think it's right for people to judge so harshly if they haven't had to make such a choice. No, if she's not a good parent it isn't exactly right for her to keep the child, but that doesn't make the choice any easier. Add on what such a choice would do to the child's siblings. My son's father was raised by his birth mother, but she had had to adopt her three older children out because of the state a very abusive marriage had left her in. When she had him she was recovered, but couldn't very well ask for her kids back years later. He said although he knew she loved him and was very good to him, he always kind of feared he would have to leave and get new parents too.
6. If adoption ends up being a real option, maybe consider an open adoption.

Also, have you considered that if the child is yours raising it separate from her. I'm not saying cut her out or anything, but just be the parent with main custody and try to work towards one of those good single parent options in which the parents not being a couple is the best option, but that in regards to the child you can still work together and hopefully still have a good friendship. The way I look at it, when you find that your going to have a kid with someone that your unsure about your relationship with it should be priority to get to "we can work together well", not the romantic relationship. If the romantics work out in the end, that's wonderful, but it really should be second to making sure the child isn't stuck watching their parents bicker (together or apart). I think the whole "you have to be in the relationship now because there's a kid involved thing" cause more problems. We opted for living like a married couple, but not jumping into the ceremony and legal issues of getting married.

Good luck and if it's yours congrats.

(and sorry about the massive post, I didn't realize how long it was till it was done)