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Hershel_Numanox
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20 Aug 2009, 2:50 pm

No you don't sound dorky kitty. I often do the same thing so at least I can initiate a conversation. Although when I try to put it into practise everything I have rehersed gets forgotten and I end up getting nervous, stumbling over my words. It happened today when I saw her. My heart started pumping really hard, my voice and hands started to tremble and when I did speak I ended up talking over her a little. I think I was scared I would run out of things to say so when I thought of something it just came out instantly. I really need to learn to slow it down and take the time to listen.

One thing I did try which helped a little was ELF or NLP tapping. It's really just a way of confirming to the subconcious mind that you are letting go of tensions and stresses by anchoring the instructions through tapping key points around the body.

If anyone is interested this is what I tried: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mg_3xide ... annel_page



roadGames
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20 Aug 2009, 3:58 pm

Just say literally whatever is on your mind that is a light-hearted and fun thing to talk about. You need to throw out these sorts of conversational hooks in a way. I used to freeze up, too, but then I stopped holding myself back and I was able to have long conversations with girls I'm into no problem. Talk about how you feel towards things rather than listing pedantic aspie knowledge about things.



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20 Aug 2009, 9:30 pm

Thanks, Hershel. :wink:

And let me add that to a girl, especially one who's interested, a guy that freezes up can be kinda cute. If she likes you and is worth her salt, then she will stick around to see what you'll do next. She might even go out of her way to try and put you at ease. Chances are good, too, that even if you think you acted like a dork, she's not thinking "Oh my god, he's a weirdo, I better warn all of female-kind not to talk to him. To the bat cave!!" She's either flattered or she forgot about it within a few minutes.


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MDD123
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21 Aug 2009, 1:37 am

NLP is definately an asset in these situations, something that really helps the process is an AAR (after action review). This is a reverse situation here, but my friend had this woman over and he needed me to be the wingman (an easier job I guarantee it). I can't say he got what he wanted, but after she left, he let me know what the objective was, what actually happened, what went right, and what went wrong. That's what an AAR is.

The irony here is that some of the most well intentioned people freeze up, the guys who don't aren't the nicest guys, they just know their strategy.



phil777
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21 Aug 2009, 2:06 am

I don't freeze up, but i'm bad at coming up with something to say or organizing my thoughts when talking with someone else.



billsmithglendale
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21 Aug 2009, 10:53 am

I would say just keep talking to her. It's normal to be nervous around someone you are attracted to -- constant exposure helps you take that person off of the pedestal you have her on and makes her more of a normal person in your eyes, and lets you eventually relax.

The first few days/weeks I was with my first GF, my palms and pits used to sweat like crazy (and I'm not a sweaty person), but this wore off. All you can do is wait for this subconscious part of your mind to relax and understand there's no threat, only opportunity.



MDD123
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21 Aug 2009, 1:52 pm

billsmithglendale wrote:
I would say just keep talking to her. It's normal to be nervous around someone you are attracted to -- constant exposure helps you take that person off of the pedestal you have her on and makes her more of a normal person in your eyes, and lets you eventually relax.

The first few days/weeks I was with my first GF, my palms and pits used to sweat like crazy (and I'm not a sweaty person), but this wore off. All you can do is wait for this subconscious part of your mind to relax and understand there's no threat, only opportunity.


OMG that's good adice, after spending enough time with anyone, they start flying their true colors and you can see them in the same light you see anyone else. I know from experience that anybodyl on a pedestal isn't gonna step down for someone, they only step up.



ToadOfSteel
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21 Aug 2009, 1:55 pm

MDD123 wrote:
OMG that's good adice, after spending enough time with anyone, they start flying their true colors and you can see them in the same light you see anyone else.


This is part of why I don't like the idea of dating a woman that I didn't already know beforehand...



Hershel_Numanox
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24 Aug 2009, 3:03 pm

Thanks Kitty, That's good to know. I think I just need time to feel comfortable enough around her and lessen those nerves.



KittenWithAWhip
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24 Aug 2009, 11:00 pm

By all means, keep us posted. Crossing my fingers for good things for you. :wink:


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24 Aug 2009, 11:41 pm

I used to be really bad at this, and sometimes I am still like this when I see a really attractive female, so I know how you feel. The best thing I can say is, try to picture her as, and talk to her like a normal person. This will take some time and practice to learn, but females will like you even better, if you treat them like a person, instead of a goddess.



Artkitten
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25 Aug 2009, 2:09 am

I start tripping over my tongue pretty bad. :? Apparently I'm taken to be flirting when I'm just being myself but around someone attractive I do pretty well freeze up.



Rack
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25 Aug 2009, 3:30 pm

When I try to flirt I freeze up bad, when it's someone I really like I get lost in the moment, forget about making a good impression and start babbling.

For freezing up it never happens when it's just casual flirting, so I try to just blur the lines. Never really had any genuine success though.



Bataar
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25 Aug 2009, 6:52 pm

roadGames wrote:
Just say literally whatever is on your mind that is a light-hearted and fun thing to talk about. You need to throw out these sorts of conversational hooks in a way. I used to freeze up, too, but then I stopped holding myself back and I was able to have long conversations with girls I'm into no problem. Talk about how you feel towards things rather than listing pedantic aspie knowledge about things.

For me, this doesn't work. There isn't usually anything on my mind that is light-hearted and I focus more on interesting things than fun things.