Wanting to Dress Well for Work

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I'm a 36-year old computer programmer and, today, I mentioned to my parents how I would like to dress better at work. A sports coat and dark button-down shirt, dress pants, and dress shoes. I work in an environment that does not have a casual Friday (unless you give to the United Way) and it is a division of a bank, so dressing well would not be out of place for the bank as a whole (we're in a division no customer ever sees, though, so we are allowed to be a bit more lax). I currently wear the pants and shoes, but a polo shirt instead of the sports coat and button-down. I'd LIKE to wear those things... they are more how I see myself, a business professional, and it represents how I want others to see ME. However, I got immediate feedback from my parents... "I think it's a bad idea. You'll look conceited." My father even said, "Not looking to fly under the radar anymore?" in reference to my wanting to do that on this job to survive when I first started.

It dawns on me -- I have had this kind of advice my entire life, which is why I am a loser in my own eyes... I followed it. I always tried to be unseen and never try to appear conceited. However, I have always failed to avoid being called conceited because of my lack of interactiveness and being in my "own world" (which is crap -- I tend to notice more about the world around me than those who criticize me!) Is it about time I just say to hell with looking conceited and do whatever I want? There seems to be no way to avoid looking conceited for me, so perhaps I should just embrace it and, by doing so, release it's hold on me? Dressing well at work when nobody else does might be a good first step.

What do you think? Do you think it would be stupid to dress better than my peers?

I think that you should dress for your job, however you want.

I think you're right. It's time I started giving up these childish concerns about how other people perceive me. People who will perceive me negatively will do so no matter what I wear.
Thanks!! !

Your work uniforms are an investment.

And suits are basically uniforms.

Buy CONSERVATIVE. Go through a Brooks Brothers, take a look, then check out a few discount places - You can buy $150 suits without a great deal of problem.

Wear nice ties. Again, try to stay relatively conservative.

You're going to drop $200 on a decent pair of shoes. They'll last you over 10 years with decent care tho, so don't worry too much about it.

There is no such thing as a short sleeve dress shirt. You can buy inexpensive "uniform" suits, but get your shirts at a decent place. Nice thick heavy cotton - no weird blends, etc., no weird collar styles. Think "conservative." Always wear an undershirt. It's okay to roll up the sleeves at work.

Good heavy real leather belt - nothing too flashy for a buckle. Some of the best ones are made by people who cater to police or people with concealed carry permits. Again, unless you go up and down in weight, this is something that can last years with a little care.

When I get back down to around 195, I need to see about nicer clothes for work. I stopped trying to dress nice when I packed on about 20 pounds.

The problem is that I hate shirt/tie affairs, so I need something that looks professional that I find as comfortable as loose pants and t-shirts.

I don't think it's a good idea to dress better than the people you work with. (Or worse, for that matter.) Isn't it possible that they'll think you're trying to say that you *are* better than them?

Maybe I'm just proceeding from my own bias of being very physically uncomfortable in "nice" clothes...

Are they always so rude? If your parents complain, just laugh it off and tell them "it's time to dress for success". If they keep hounding you, you can smile and say "since when are you the fashion police?". After that, you can just ignore them. You are 36 years old, you get to decide what you wear.

Frankly, I think your parents are belittling you and that if your new clothes give you the confidence to tell them to cut it out, more power to you.



Like the Hokey Pokey, that's what it's all about. Your plan to wear better clothes sounds like a good idea! It sounds like it would increase your confidence and make you feel good. At your age and ability level, what you wear is up to you. Check out some mens' magazines to see what's in style, or get the person at the store to help you. Get some nice, high-quality togs!

Frankly I am more concerned about your parents talking down to you, and the effect that must have had on you your whole life, than anything else. I would address that head-on in therapy or in assertiveness training!

The shirt and tie wouldn't be a big deal. You can always take the jacket off. I wore khakis + OCBD and penny loafers on a daily basis while my colleagues wore shorts and T-shirts. So long as you're not wearing a full suit, you won't be making the wrong statement to your co-workers.

If you come into work dressed in a suit when you don't normally wear one, people will think you're going to an interview for a new job.

It's OK to dress better than your coworkers, but don't dress better than your boss.

These are excellent points.

The first one could be mitigated perhaps by just wearing long-sleeve dress shirts for a few weeks, then adding a tie for another few weeks before deciding about the suit jacket.

Oh, without question. They think I'm conceited and I know my co-workers do as well. I just do not like talking to people and have trouble connecting with them, so I try to avoid them at all costs lest my mouth undo the success my fingers make when I write software. Every social encounter is a loss, it's all about limiting the losses, particularly if I do not have time to rehearse. If I speak long enough, I WILL say that thing that will cause others to lose respect for me without realizing it. If I didn't have certain talents that allow me to compensate, I probably could never hold a job for long.



I think you're definitely right -- it would improve my confidence to dress nicer. It might widen the rift between myself and others at work, but honestly, that is not a gap too wide to jump anyway. I just have to make DAMN sure that I keep working hard and exceeding their expectations in the quality of my work to make up for it... and, as a result, look like I'm showing off, widening the gap even further. This is just another day at work for me, though, and as stressful as it is, at least it is challenging and often fun to overcome the hurdles others put in my way to try to "take me down a peg".

As far as therapy, I'm doing okay, I think. I'm certainly more assertive than they want me to be, so I must be making progress. I have learned to live with my motivations in life coming from within and it has kept me very busy, so that has to be a good thing! It's good training, because I see far more discouragement given by people than encouragement and it is good training to grow that seed of self-motivation so as to weather the inevitable bad times.

Thank you for the advice!! !

Why?

I like this approach -- a gradual change. I think I'll do this -- start wearing button-down shirts for a while and when it gets colder in the winter (my icon is ironic; I definitely do not live in Honolulu), say I'm adding the sports coat because I get chilly. Awesome!

I applaud your effort to dress better. You've gotten what I think is good suggestions here.

If you do find that you have out-done the boss a time or two, don't stress about it. I've observed that having a reputation for dressing well is not detrimental. And any comments I've heard made about it don't seem to be a bother to anyone involved. Well, as nearly as I can tell.

I am inconsistent in my clothing at work. It is now accepted as part of my personality within the team.

Your boss might feel insecure?

or ze might think that ze's paying you too much...