Eating in a restaurant social etiquette

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No one in my family practices proper etiquette, and we don't eat too terribly fast. I know someone who does, and it trips me out. He always eats as if he's never had food before. But this guy trips me out about a lot of things. He has a nerve disorder and a case of echolalia (he'll repeat the last word or two that he just spoke). He also makes noises that I don't think he's even aware of.

Anyway, back on topic. One huge annoyance for me, when eating, is double-dipping. If I see someone do that, I won't use it anymore. I also hate it when people pick food off of my plate, or put food on my plate that they've touched.

Minding manners topic

In the old days, food would come in courses and not just on one plate so that eventually every body would be eating the same thing at the same time (soup would be first and the next course would not be served until a certain time interval would pass).

Nowadays, good ol' Micky D's gets everyone's orders at once (as a group) and then you sit and eat it roughly at the same time. Things get tricky when people go to a regular sit down eatery and order separately at the same table. Things would be easier if a bunch would order common pots of food to be delivered to the table that would remain hot/cold until all the food is at the table. Buffets are such that people get their victuals and then sit and chow down.

I would just be considerate and ask if anyone minds if the person who gets served first can eat if he /she is that hungry.

I have food rituals. I takes me an hour to properly cut, arrange and eat my food so no one ever minds if I get a head start on it.

The only rules I follow are thus:

1. If you paid for your meal, you can eat whenever you damn well please.
2. If you can't pull off any formal dining grace (and you're not paying for your meal), lie, say you feel ill/full, and get it boxed up to send home, where you can eat like a slob that you are in peace and quiet.

I went to a wedding two years ago and couldn't remember the setting system for forks and knives, so ate a lot of finger friendly foods, then saved everything that was "messy" to eat for later in the evening at the hotel. A good simple system...

I abide by the rule in formal situations out of respect, but in reality I would prefer that it be dropped.

If I am sitting with a friend at a restaurant and he receives his meal before mine, I feel most comfortable if he starts eating when he gets the food. I don't mean pigging out to the extent that he is almost finished eating by the time I receive my plate, but salting the food or slowly munching isn't anything offensive. If the food comes with sharable items like fries, chips, etc, the person who gets the meal first could offer to share those small things with the person who is waiting. It often happens that people leave a few fries/chips/tater tots on the plate at the end of the meal, anyway.

If I make my friend wait before I get my meal, I feel like I am holding him back from enjoying his meal. I don't like being in that position in general, and it would call for an especially silly situation if there happens to be a problem with my order, which may result in my meal being delayed for over 5 minutes.

While we are on the food topic, I have another pet peeve that I will mention because it comes up fairly often:

I went to Kazakhstan last summer, and that often becomes a topic of conversation with family friends at dinners. People are curious, so they ask about some of the more unusual foods one would eat in Kazakhstan. Since they are interested in the more unusual things, I go ahead and mention that in Kazakh tradition, horse meat is often consumed. When mentioning "horse meat" I see a few cringes and someone says something like "Oh let's not talk about that..."

At which point I want to say, "Well if you don't want to know the unusual things while we're eating, then don't ask me about it."

It's considered polite to wait until everyone at the table has been served. I grew up with pretty traditionally WASP (very rigid) social mores being drilled into my head, and that's one that doesn't vary with the location/venue. I may refrain from opening doors for women in certain places, but I'll never rest my elbows on the table nor will I eat before everyone has been served.

b9, please don't take it the wrong way if you really can't understand what I'm saying.

In terms of the words you wrote and what they convey to the reader, it's untrue to say that you didn't mention feelings in your post. I understood you to mean that you don't care because you wrote so many times that you don't care. You wrote:

i am not bothered to learn
i care not to bother
that is her bad luck
there is no chance that i will let my freshly served meal sit steaming in front of me unattended for the sake of "protocol".
i do not stay to accompany her while she is eating because i just have no desire to
i do not care

What you wrote is pretty unambiguously that you don't care what anyone, including Tammy, thinks or feels about your behaviour. If this is not what you intended, then this is exactly the kind of communication problem we have from time to time. If you did intend this, then I don't think it's typical of people with AS. I think that just as research indicates, while we may be insensitive to others' feelings, we're not largely uncaring about them.