What is wrong with me?? Do I REALLY have a form of Autism?

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Hi, I am so glad that I found some sort of info on the web about this diagnosis as I know almost nothing about autism and aspergers. I have known my ENTIRE life that there is something wrong with me but my parents didn't believe in doctors much less psychiatrist. My family was VERY dysfunctional with severe abuse both emotional and sexual. I never seemed to be able to connect with people and make or keep friendships. I am currently 41 years old and have been married two times and have one friend that has stuck by my side but even she gets frustrated with me at times. I have been in therapy for years and been diagnosed with PTSD stemming from the childhood neglect, a rape that occurred at 18 and again at 28, severe depression , and OCD. I also have struggled in the past with an eating disorder. I finally got fed up, no pun intended, with my therapist because I told her I could not learn like others and connect like others and she constantly blamed everything on my depression and went to another place and was screened for Autism. I scored extremely high. I was told that I probably had aspergers syndrome. I am currently scheduled to start working with a life skills therapist to further evaluate the situation and help figure this out. I have VERY little memory of my childhood and have some strange habits such as thumbsucking, fascination with numbers, counting in my head, absolutely HATE socializing as it makes me naseauted to even think about. Do I really have this syndrome? From what I understand this occurs with highly intelligent ppl and I have trouble learning new things, I actually have to be shown as I cannot comprehend it if somenone tries to explain it to me. God, I hope this makes sense. I have been suicidal the last month as I can't deal with my life like this anymore but now I have hope that maybe there is an answer. Thanks, Christy

Well, if you were told by a professional that you probably have it, what do you think about it? Have you gone over the DSM-IV criteria, can you relate well to the others here?

Can't really tell you whether or not you have it since not a doctor or anything... but it's very possible.

I wound up here basically due to a faulty diagnosis of BPD. Someone on that forum sent me over here to see if I felt like I belonged more, lol, because I wasn't fitting into that one at all. It felt like home pretty much here.

I checked out the criteria, and realized I needed to have my son tested as well. Turns out, we are both Aspies. It was such a relief to know what was going on finally and have people to actually connect to in ways.

Welcome to WP!

Thank-you for your reply..I really appreciate it! I was told I had a form of autism probably Aspergers but they were not sure yet. I was just tested yesterday and have to be tested again for more detailed diagnosis. I too was diagnosised as BP, or at least they suspected it. I looked around on the web and its like a light bulb went off in my head, I actually cried with relief, all of a sudden it makes sense but I am scared as well. Does this cause memory problems with anyone else or is this due to PTSD? I just don't know what is the Autism and what is the other problems and its all very confusing. Quite frankly I am upset that no one has caught this before as apparently I have quite evident symtoms. Thanks, Christy

Hey, welcome

BTW, just so you know, most of us here do not consider you to have anything "wrong with" you if you do indeed have autism. If they diagnose you, don't EVER let people say you're inferior because you're autistic, because it simply isn't so. Same goes for the other diagnoses in your file. You're a human being, and as such, infinitely valuable. Autism is not some kind of character flaw, and it's not something you should be ashamed of. If you have it, you're in good company--research famous autistics sometime; you'll be surprised. The difficulties that come with autism do have work-arounds, so you don't have to have some kind of magical recovery to have a decent life.

I guess it's going to complicate your diagnosis that you've got a history of abuse, because some of the fallout you can get from that can mimic autism, and it'll be difficult to filter out which is which. Autism does unfortunately predispose you to being the target of abuse; autistic people are about a half-dozen times more likely to be targeted by criminals and get trapped in abusive relationships. My theory as to why? Well, three things: One, social isolation makes it difficult to tell people and get out of the situation. Two, difficulty understanding others may make it hard to understand that one is being abused at all. Three, reduced ability to support yourself may make you financially vulnerable and trap you with someone who provides for you (spouse or parents). There's also the idea that we send out "bully magnet" vibes, by the way we act and speak, and give off an impression that we are going to be easy targets--even if we aren't. (I prefer to go for the balls, personally.) And lastly, in cases where autism is obvious, abuse may be justified by people who say they were trying to "handle" you, or even give you some sort of "therapy". (Research: Judge Rotenberg Center.)

Important stuff:
1. Not your fault. You know that, though. Just keep telling that to yourself 'til your feelings listen, too.
2. Don't worry about having multiple diagnoses. You're still only one person, and they're going to have to treat you like one person. (Or, they should, anyway.)
3. Life skills stuff? Good. Take advantage of it. Make a list of what you need to learn, stick it in their faces, and say, "Okay, teach me."

You'll probably meet quite a few others with the same abuse/autism combination here. I'm one of them, actually--my mom and I (she's autistic too) got stuck in a pretty bad situation when she married a really charming guy who turned out to be a sociopath... yeahhh... anyway. You're not the only one, believe me.

Incidentally, even if you don't turn out to have autism, you're still welcome here; people who score high on autism screening tests generally have autistic traits whether or not they actually have autism.

WOW! Thanks for all the info. My esteem is so low at this point that I don't know who or what I am anymore, actually its probably likely that I never knew. I always let others around me dictate how or what I should feel. I hope I get to the point one day that others on this site seem to be, comfortable in my own skin. The statistics and info you gave me make so much sense and I truly appreciate it, finally somewhere I feel I might belong. Christy

Don'tcha love it when an explanation comes together?

Welcome to the group!

Thanks to everyone who replied, for once in my life this is all coming together and makes sense. I know these questions probably sound pretty standard but I am trying to learn as I go and and now am remembering things from childhood that I had no memory of at all. Suddenly everything doesn't seem lost in translation somehow.

Actually it wasn't as shocking as I imagined, it pissed me off more than anything that I went undiagnosed for 41 long years in this hell. Thanks for the Well wishes and the welcomes, Christy

Welcome home. Allways fun to see someone new find their place in the world.
And this usually answers the question on everyones toung; yes, it's the NT's (Neurotypical/"normals") that's crazy, we are logical.