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outlier
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15 Sep 2009, 5:05 pm

I cannot remember ever trying to make friends; it wouldn't occur to me. I would passively accept others' advances. They would hang around me, but I would not feel close to them and did not miss them when they were gone. I was good to the majority of them and suspect they were confused when, through my later behaviours, they discovered how detached I really was.

Last night, it occurred to me that I am not meant to have proper friendships because I am unequipped to be close to other people; after more than 30 years, it's clear I'm not built for them: my mind never adequately joins to other minds and is mostly a unit. Included in this are relationships where reciprocal love is involved.



Amadeus
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15 Sep 2009, 6:59 pm

I don't try hard to make Friends; Acquaintances are as far as I get with people. I only have one person I call a friend and that's good enough for me. The quality, not the quantity.


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Maggiedoll
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15 Sep 2009, 8:38 pm

I have a history of the whole friendship thing backfiring on me.. Like, I don't really know how one normally goes about making friends.. so rather than a friend, I end up with a borderline.. :? They're great at forming relationships, but they're usually pretty crummy friends, and certainly very, very BAD role models!



CaptainTrips222
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25 Sep 2009, 7:27 pm

Willard wrote:
If you have to 'try', there's not a genuine connection in the first place. Without that natural chemistry, you're not going to bond anyway. No, I can't recall ever trying to make friends with anyone. It happens when it happens.

Which is why the close friends I've had in my life I could count on my fingers, with a few left over. But they've been awesome friends. :D

Sometimes I 'allow' someone to consider themselves my friend, rather than be rude to them, when I would be just as happy if they'd go away. :roll:


Hmm. It really works differently for different people. I think even most NTs have to actually try to establish a friendship. Depending on what BEING YOURSELF looks like to others, you could easily wind up with absolutely no friends, and that's extremely unhealthy. I don't see anything wrong with withholding some of yourself so you can fit in, but that's my opinion.