Feeling So Helpless

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Hi Nathansmum,
My name is julie b and I'm a 42 years old married mother of two boys aged 13 and 14. I went to University and have a Bach of Science and my Husband and I run a successful business. Sounds fairly "normal" doesn't it.
I also have Aspergers and so does my 14 year old son. I understand that for someone who is new to all this that it would be frightening and overwhelming but trust me, it's not as bad as it sounds
Yes my boy and I are different but I prefer to think of us as interesting
At the moment you are grieving for what might have been. Try embracing what is. Nathan is perfect at being Nathan. Hold on to that. You have an interesting journey ahead with an interesting person. Try not to be afraid.

Everyone here has given you a lot of advice. I'm always interested to hear the adult Aspie's take on things. But I'm here 3 years down the road from where you are now. 3 years is not a lot of time but I want to alert you to the REAL battles you are about to face:

Most people will not understand and empathize with your son's eccentricities. Schools will try to force the round peg into the square hole. BEWARE! Trying to force your son to act NT and deny his needs to express himself as so many of these kids do-by scripting, by obsessing, by avioding social situations, etc-denying all of this will only serve to make him feel unsafe. You are about to enter the world of nonbelievers. The world where they think it's YOUR fault he's this way. "If you wouldn't let him watch those programs..." "If you wouldn't let him tantrum..." "If you wouldn't let him stim..." All of these things will be heard by you most likely in your future.

Now is a time to "get the big girl panties on" (as we say here in Texas) and become what your son needs more than anything else: an advocate. It's your job to make a safe place for him. A place where he can be himself with no fear of punishment. A place where he's not weird. And help make him strong. That's not to say to make him do things outside of his "safety zone". You and him are going to have to learn how to be different but not WRONG.

Good luck. Find a confidante who supports you. Vent when you need to, cry when you need to. Raising a child on the spectrum is tough. It can be a rollercoaster. You have to be a detective so much of the time. It is exhausting. But it is also rewarding beyond words. A special gift has come into your life. Cherish it. Feed it. Keep it safe. And always be his biggest fan and his safest place to fall.