My son cannot physically make himself hurry

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is this a trait of Aspergers?

He understands the concept of hurry but he just cannot speed himself up!! He will always make sure he is on time and he never keeps anyone waiting but he actually goes into meltdown if somehow he becomes late and has to hurry!! It stresses him out badly if he thinks he is late and then he just loses the plot and becomes very rude and angry.

The only time he has ever done anything fast is when he was on the running track - he was a fantastic sprinter but dropped out because he couldnt cope with attending track meets and going away from home to places where there were lots of strangers. Now that we know he has got Aspergers we understand a lot better as to why this was such a big thing for him. His brother and sister never had a problem leaving home to go on a trip for sports or another school activity!!

Shea would only go on camp if either his Dad or I went as parent help. I loved going as parent help - had a fantastic time the year we went away for a week with his class.

Well, if you think about it, "hurrying" means you have to change the plans you have in your head about what you were going to do next; and having to change things on the fly like that can lead you into a mental lockup just like any other unexpected event. For all practical purposes, you have to make multiple plans for multiple eventualities, or else risk locking up, getting confused, and getting very frustrated. And even then, when life goes off the if-then-else flowchart with an unexpected if, you can still get overwhelmed. There's really no cure for it but experience and awareness of one's own feelings and thoughts.

My son is the same, he can't even bring himself to eat slightly faster.

Guilty

Anyway, I think the not being able to hurry up could be both what callista said about the change thing, or I think it could also be due to executive dysfunction perhaps? Like having trouble getting organised on time so doing it even faster could be more of a problem?

My mother made the comment to me after I was diagnosed with Asperger's (at the age of 44) that as a child I operated on one speed. To this day I do not like having to speed up and change the pace I am accustomed to. I am usually the last one to sit down with my plate of food because I do not like the swift pace most people use. I think for me this might have something to do with sensory overload. I get overwhelmed when I have to do too much too soon.

Minniemum says her son doesn't like to be away from family---well, I was like that too---and I still am most of the time. I have never felt that comfortable around strangers. It's not that I was afraid of them, it's just that it was so awkward to fit in. At 4H camp I came home after the first night---just too awkward and I could not get into the scheme of socializing with those I didn't know. But at scout camp where I was in a cabin with fellow scout members I knew, I did fine---but, my father was at camp too in a camper.

As has been said (and on the diagnostic criteria), a rigid routine can be a trait of Asperger's. I have always been routine oriented, and if anything changes my routine, I don't like it.

Haha. At work whenever i get my reviews, they always say that i have "one speed." I think that one's mind being on a single-track and not having much multitasking ability contributes to this.. So i can see how it would be common for aspies.

I don't have trouble hurrying, but I used to get extremely stressed out at the prospect of arriving at any time other than the one I planned on. It's much less bad now, but I still get stressed out for things like plane or train rides, where the time of departure waits for no one.

Hurrying makes my heart race, stresses me out, worries me to no end and leaves me on the edge of a meltdown. It always has.

I have always hated being told to "hurry up" for anything. It instantly disorganizes me. I can "speed up" sometimes, if I'm already almost done doing what I am doing and only have one or 2 things left to grab before going out of the door. But more often than not, if someone tells me to "hurry up" I will just stand there and glare at them, or start yelling at them instantly.

I have a hard enough time doing things on my own and figuring out what needs to be done before I can move onto the next task... I don't need someone else telling me I'm going too slow for their liking or their schedule.

On numerous occasions I've made such a big deal about being told to hurry up... I've stopped doing anything I'm doing and sat down, refusing to move pretty much. My boyfriend has had to order in a lot of times rather than us going out to eat as was originally planned because I won't budge anymore a lot of the time when told to "hurry up".

Ditto, to me, this world is fast-paced, and highly caffienated. When told to hurry, it feels like Im at a higher risk of messing up, and i dont want to miss any of the necessary details of doing my job right. That's why id like to get into an R&D job, or even game design because i believe in putting quality time and effort into what i do. Im sure many Aspies are in that "quality and care" mindset of what we do . . . that, or lost in our own world, looking at the different shapes and patterns of what we do.

I hate to hurry as well......if it's really an urgent matter then I seem to be able to do it, but it never feels right at all. I habitually walk or cycle pretty quickly, and I do some things at breakneck speed, but I don't think that's the same - those are things I'm quite familiar with, and I've just got faster because of the constant practice, and it comes naturally. It's very different when I'm doing a thing at what seems to me the natural speed and somebody tells me to hurry it up......it just seems reckless and my mind balks at the idea.

I don't know of any direct references to it being an Aspie thing, but I can see how it probably is, for the same reasons that others have mentioned here. Social situations are difficult for us mostly because we can't keep up with the rapidly-changing circumstances......I've often felt that I'd do as well in face-to-face communication as I do with writing, if only I had a switch to stop time now and then, to give me time to suss out what's going on before it's too late to make the right response.

Also in my case I'm clumsy by nature (which is common in Aspies, though not diagnostic), so I've unconsciously developed the coping strategy of doing things rather slowly and deliberately, so that I don't keep having accidents. So if somebody intervenes and demands a faster delivery speed, the most likely result (if I obey them) is that I'll make mistakes and the task will end up taking longer. For me, the time to increase speed is when I'm familiar with a task, not when I'm trying it for the first time. Of course some deadlines are inevitable, and life always feels scary and horrible when there is one.

Strangely, I often catch myself hugely underestimating the time I've got.....and I have to remind myself that there's lots of time. Dunno why that happens.....possibly something to do with the way Aspies often have a poor concept of the passing of time because of the strong focus on what they're doing. And employers and teachers might have instilled some anxiety in me about working quickly.

Actually most of the rushing that is encouraged these days seems to me to be quite unnecessary. I guess it's down to overdemanding employers and teachers who just want more output from people. To my mind, a good piece of work can't be rushed. I try to avoid setting hard deadlines. I won't decide when I'm going to finish a job, I'll decide when I'm going to start it, and the end point just has to be whatever it turns out to be. It's one of the biggest problems for me in the world of work, that other people expect a say in how I manage my time.

I think you'll often find that Aspies have a fraught relationship with time in general.

A common phrase of my mother's while I was growing up was: "Mith has one speed: medium-slow"

I really hate to rush, I'd rather get up way early than have to rush around at the last minute. I also find that even when I try to rush I often fail.. I'm still 'too slow.' I also tend to get really frazzled if I'm rushing and it makes me much more inefficient at time management. I'll panic and become convinced that I'm forgetting something so I will try to figure out what I am missing and end up standing still or wandering around the house seemingly aimlessly but my mind is racing trying to figure out what I need to do next. If I am forced to rush, I actually accomplish less

The same is true at work. If I have a lot of work to do and a urgent issue or two I tend to become less productive because I'm desperately trying to remember all the things I need to do and figure out how to prioritize them all and what I should do next... and I end up having bouts of doing *nothing* while I try to figure it out.

What she said.

Late for my own funeral...

My son is the same way. I used to think that he ddn't understand the concept of hurrying, but now I know he simply cannot do it. Even if the motivator is something he absolutely loves, like going to a birthday party, he still works on a very slow pace. My husband is the same way (probable Aspie). I used to think that it was because he was a country boy. I often do everything fast, probably because I was a city girl. Finding the patience to deal with slow people is always a struggle for me, but I'm working on it.

My son's IQ test identified slow processing speed, and I was told that can be common in AS (or, in the inverse, extremely high processing speed - what most AS rarely are is "average.") I would think this may be part of it, as well. My son is very intelligent, but everything with him simply is slower.

My husband and I are a bit like that, as well. I'll never figure out how people in a check out line can get their wallets resettled so fast ...

I would suggest you have him get ready a lot sooner so he wouldn't have to hurry. Like have him get ready to go ahead of time and when it's time to go, just grab that stuff he needs and you guys are out of there. That might help him out a whole lot so there is no friction. When I have to hurry, I tend to forget things and it's frustrating so it's always best to get ready a lot sooner and get things ready before I have to go so there is no rush. Like when it's time to go, I see I can't find my car keys, now that be a problem so it's best to make sure I have everything before it's time to go so I am not rushing in the last minute.

As a child my mother used to just drag me out of the house even when I wasn't ready and she scream at me and it get me going because I hared being yelled at and the only way to stop it was to just get my butt downstairs. I was afraid was why. She also called me the Pokey Little Puppy growing up because I was not a morning person so I slack. She even tell me to be Sonic and pick up those rings. This was before my diagnoses. Then in my teens, I got better because my mom was working as a nurse again so I had to dress myself because my dad didn't do it so I had to do it. All I had to do was eat and brush my teeth and get my backpack with my binder in there and I was ready for school. Never had time for free time due to my slacking. Then as I got older, I could just jump out of bed and get dressed and I be ready in minutes. I just started pushing myself and now I can do it. I could never understand why my ex couldn't just jump out of bed like I can. He could tell how quick I be when I be anxious to get my day going and get out of the hotel because I wake up and be full of energy already and be packing and be all ready just like that.