your funny stories

Post Reply New Topic

if you have a funny story about yourself then write it here.

like most of mine, they are from my childhood and they are things i doubt a child without AS would do, and if they did it probably would be for other reasons.

when i was small child we had some big rectangular speakers which you could take the cover off. now it had two holes one big one for the sound and a small one for who knows what. without a single mean thought in my head i realized "hey, that's the perfect size for an egg" so i went, got an egg, stuck it in there, put the cover back on, and moved on to something else. a little while later my mom started smelling something bad and realized it was coming from the speaker. she took off the cover and found the egg. shell cracked, green, rotten, and smelling horrid.

this has to be one of my favorite stories to tell of myself.

I was abandoned,

Then I hatched regardless,

It's No wonder I'm all cracked up

Just don't be cocky and ruffle my feathers

Life is nothing but a pile of birdseed...Beep - Beep

I got in my car one time and I had this really irritating pain in my legs and the door wouldn't shut. So I pulled it harder and faster. Strangely the pain intensified as I did so. I looked at the door to see my legs were still outside and closing the door on my legs...

I hadn't driven for a while, so I got in my car. It started first time. Great. Then I went to set off and it cut out. Plenty of fuel, choke on. Maybe it's cold. I try again. Begin to move and it cuts out again. So I try one more time, and the car cuts out again. I look down to see the key is still in my hand. I was turning the ignition off every time without realising it.

When I was younger, I had a teacher who was funny, and I used to joke around with her alot. One day she jokingly called me an 'old bag' when I scared her with a fake spider. I took the comment literally, and I was so confused, because I didn't think of myself as something made out of material that people put stuff in!

I was talking to my neighbour once, and she mentioned that she'd just been robbed. I have a tendancy to mishear what people say when there is background noise, so I thought she said 'I got rods', as in the things people use to catch fish She probably thought I was a complete idiot!

The funniest I remember about me was a few years ago, I was trying to convince one of my bosses to tell me what TEXT he wanted me to put on the cover page for a tender proposal we were presenting. I kept repeating my request, he kept talking about other things. So at some point I say: "You're not listening to me!" He says: "But what do you want?" and I shout "I WANT YOU TO GIVE ME SEX! !"

He chuckled, surprised. I couldn't stop laughing so I had to go upstairs to the roof to laugh it off and come back when I'd calmed down.

I'm lucky that was a crazy, unconventional, super-cool boss and we were quite close.

When I was around 8 or 9 years old, I went to Disney with my uncle/aunt/cousin. While we were there, they got us BBQ chicken for lunch. May parents never BBQ’d chicken and it never occurred to me that chicken could fall into the BBQ category. I think there was a 10 minute discussion about this before I would eat the chicken.

This one requires a little background. It was last year (my freshman year of college). Georgia Tech has a tradition where all the new sorority girls run around to all the fraternities and all the new pledges sing to them and give them roses. I knew one of the girls beforehand, and she told me "You better give me a rose!" jokingly. Of course, you can't just ignore the girl in front of you, so I didn't get the chance to give her one. The next day, she writes on my facebook "You didn't give me a rose!"

The next day is the first day alcohol is allowed back on campus, so I went by the house after my classes were done at 4 to hang out and drink beer with my new pledge brothers. This story apparently happened around midnight (I have no recollection).

According to my sister, I show up in the basement with a rose (nobody has any idea where it came from, especially me). I kept asking "Where did Sarah go? Where's Sarah? I gotta give her a rose, she told me to!" She had gone to a different fraternity, so one of her sorority sisters decided to help me find her. According to Sarah, I show up, proclaim "Here's the rose you wanted!" and immediately leave to go pass out back at my dorm.

My intoxicated self could no longer tell that she was pretending to be disappointed I didn't give her a rose, so I apparently felt bad and decided to make up for it.

I remember was when I wanted boiled eggs, I asked my mom to make then for me but she did not want to make them. so what I did was put an egg in the microwave an cook it for about a minute. about 15 seconds later the egg exploded inside the microwave and there was yolk all around the insides of the microwave. I had to clean it all up...

In the category of "incredibly clumsy," I once managed to, while standing up holding a measuring cup of water in my hand about chest high, spill the water on my own head.

My wife still claims it's the funniest thing she's ever seen in person.

i do not know what is considered "funny" but i have had thousands of experiences which i laugh at after they happen.

something that happened last week is amusing to me now but it was incensing to me at the time. (this may be complicated to follow)

i have 2 sets of keys for my car. my main set of keys has my front and back door key on the key ring as well.

my secondary set just has the keys for the car.

my central locking system in the car needs to be repaired, so my main key opens only the door whose lock it is inserted into, and it does not unlock all locks automatically anymore.

my gas tank flap was locked, and i needed to get petrol, so i had to open it. the only way to get it open at the moment is to open the boot(trunk) and reach in and pull a lever which unlocks it.

my main set of keys for the car do not open the trunk and i had to take my secondary set (which does open it) with me to the gas station.

so i locked the house up (all my windows are locked as well) and i went to the service station and got petrol and bought a frozen pizza that i intended to have for lunch and i bought a carton (pint (600ml)) of chocolate milk and a carton of coffee milk as well.

when i got home and parked in my carport, i pulled my keys out of the ignition and it dawned on me that they were the secondary set of keys that had no house keys on the ring. i thought "oh jeezus. i am going to have to smash a window and climb inside".
but all the windows are high up and i had nothing to stand on to even get my body up there to climb in.

so i put the cold milk and the frozen pizza on the ground (! !! !! !! !! !!) and went to find things i could stand on to get up to the window i chose to smash. it took ages and all i found was a milk crate and a sawn log and a chair, i put the chair down first and then i put the milk crate on the chair and then i put the sawn log (about 2ft (600mm) high) on the milk crate. it was very unsteady to stand on.

i had to rearrange the assembly of "scaffolding" many times and i started getting hot so i took my shirt off and i got it right after a while (20 mins).

then i stepped to the ground and smashed a broom into the window and broke it and then i cleared away all the jagged edges painstakingly.
i stepped up on my "arrangement" and i picked all the glass out of the sill and then i had to still jump up about 30cm (1ft) and pull my body over a sharp ridge. the window sill has a sharp metal ridge on it and i scraped my chest and belly over it and it hurt very much. but i was inside. yay.
i ran to the back door and opened it and went out and saw the stuff that fell out of my pocket (when i took my shirt off) on the ground below the window that i smashed.

there were coins and pens and reciepts and also my main set of keys that had my front door key on the ring!! !! !! !! !! !.

i never thought to thoroughly check all my pockets for the main keys because i assumed i was stupid and forgot to remember to bring them.

when i extracted my secondary keys from the ignition, i suddenly locked to the idea that "these keys will not open my house" and i panicked. every other time i have taken my keys out of the ignition i just splay them and get the house key and go inside.

this time bucked the routine and i acted very stupidly.

i had to discard my refrigerated goods because they sat on the ground for about 40 minutes and i did not trust them after that.

ho ho ho

i flipped off an entirere audience, as in middle fingered them during an interactive monsters inc show at disney when i appeared on the jumbo screen . thats for ripping off aaaaah real monsters

I was just reminded of another today (and I also made another today).

I had a class in a building where the doors to the staircases had "fire door keep closed" on them. I would go through the door going to class, but I took the elevator leaving class for about a week because the door said "keep closed" (even though I opened the door going to class). Then I saw someone else going through it without a fire alarm going off, so then I used it both ways.

Today, I sat outside my professor's office for half an hour because during class talking about his office hours he said "my door is always open." Well, it was closed, so that must mean he's not in there. After a half-hour of waiting, I hear him cough. So then I knock on the door and talk to him (and that part only took about a minute).

Here's a story.

I like to eat all-natural organic crunchy peanut butter. I think it tastes much better than regular peanut butter, like actual peanuts. So, for those of you who are familiar with this product, you know you have to stir it to mix the oil and the peanut butter and that you're supposed to keep it refrigerated. One day I was making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I took the peanut butter out of the fridge and realized it was really hard to stir, but I didn't really have time to let it sit and get to room temperature before making the sandwich. Then Brilliant idea! I'll just stick the jar (which was plastic) in the microwave for about 10 seconds, just enough to soften the peanut butter. Well, it was only about 2 or 3 seconds in when I started seeing some weird lights coming out of the microwave oven's window accompanied by some snapping and sizzling sounds. I immediately turned off the microwave and opened it to see what happened. Well, apparently I didn't realize that there was still some metal foil left around the rim of the jar from the seal. The top part of the jar, as well as much of the top layer of the peanut butter, was charred black and it looked like some of the plastic at the rim had melted. No peanut butter and jelly sandwich for me.

pat2rome, that is an awesome signature!

I also have a microwave story. When I was younger my mom asked me to microwave an eye mask full of gel for her. She said "Put it in for 20". I assumed she meant 20 minutes. She meant seconds. The mask exploded.

this might not be AS, but i still find it quite funny.

when i was a kid, me, my dad, and my sister were in the car driving somewhere (can't remember where we were going) and i turned to them and asked "when are we getting to the condom?" that both gave me a strange look and i said "the condom, it's short for condominium"

in my defence that makes total sence if your still to young to know what a condom is.