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Peko
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05 Sep 2009, 12:48 pm

I just started my college classes this week & I actually like it so far. The problem is, my parents want me to come home every weekend (what I'm doing right now & next weekend b/c there is an autism walk near my home). I prefer being on my own, not having to answer all my parents stupid questions, etc. My mom insists I call every day & my family asks how I've been EVERY DAY! GEEZ. :roll: I feel like I can't get any space & know one trusts me! My cousin is a grad student where I'm going (her boyfriend actually just helped my with a comp. problem due to our schools email accounts). But my whole family (immediate, extended/aunts, uncles, some of my cousins, & grandparents) are calling each other & asking how I am! At this rate I'll be seeing them almost every weekend for my ex-HS football games (YUCK!). They constantly ask me how I am, my grandmother tells me stupid gossip crap (shut up & stop asking for personal info/dirt on others & giving that to me, GOD)! Everyone knows I'm not social by choice (know one expects me to make friends, yeah!). I was crying last night (know one at home knows) b/c I want space :cry:. My one older cousin gets his space b/c he went to school a few hrs away (lucky him). I couldn't consider that b/c I can't drive. My grandmother is constantly calling my mother as well about stuff like "How can she not stand not having a TV?" and "Take Pop up to the campus so if...(me) she has a problem(she's referring to an emergency on campus) he can go pick her up" :roll:. He shouldn't even be driving! If I have a so called "emergency" I can call (some people don't think I can use a freaking phone (dial #'s) just b/c I lack some techie skills (issues w/ printers, answering machines & email account problems that are out of my control) :roll:) my parents or cousin who's on campus (plus she has a boyfriend with a brain who's their if the emergency effects the whole campus, so I'll get help just fine on my own. Did I mention most of my family grandparents, aunts, uncles cousins & immediate family + one great aunt & uncle live within 1/2 mile radius from each other + half one one block! I feel like I can't adjust to college this way w/ going/coming back home every weekend. And being near my family ALL THE TIME! I want next weekend to be the last one I come home until Thanksgiving break. How can I bring this up?

Sorry this is confusing. :oops:


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Stinkypuppy
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05 Sep 2009, 1:20 pm

Just tell them you're busy with schoolwork and it's a lot more convenient for you if you not go home.

If this is your first time living away from home, it's not all that surprising that your family is acting like this, although it sure does get tiring, doesn't it? Hopefully they'll get used to you being on your own and will eventually stop trying to contact you every single day.

Or you can do what I did and just say "leave me alone!" and simply not answer the phone. :P


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TheDuck
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05 Sep 2009, 1:52 pm

Stinkypuppy wrote:
Just tell them you're busy with schoolwork and it's a lot more convenient for you if you not go home.

I agree. The magic words are exam, homework and mid-term.



Peko
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05 Sep 2009, 2:18 pm

TheDuck wrote:
Stinkypuppy wrote:
Just tell them you're busy with schoolwork and it's a lot more convenient for you if you not go home.

I agree. The magic words are exam, homework and mid-term.


Thanks for the adivice :)

I'll use those "magic words" rather than "lave me alone" b/c my family seems to assume I'm gonna die while away from them. My aunt even called my cousin whose on campus a lot saying something about me having an "emergency" :roll:. All I had was an email issue. 8O (maybe good spot to insert sarcasm)


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Balance is needed within the universe, can be demonstrated in most/all concepts/things. Black/White, Good/Evil, etc.
All dependent upon your own perspective in your own form of existence, so trust your own gut and live the way YOU want/need to.


kraken
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08 Sep 2009, 1:54 pm

This is not that unusual. Among academics, there has been an observed upswing in the degree to which parents are involved in their children's lives at college. Some are even referred to as 'helicopter parents' as an homage to the manner in which they hover over their offspring.

You are an adult, or at least in the process of learning how to be one. Perhaps one of the best skills you can learn is to set boundaries. Your family is interested in your progress and concerned for your well-being. This is not a bad thing in and of itself. You are going to have to decide how much control they will have over your life on a day to day basis, however. This is part of growing up and is not unique to those with AS.

One possibility is to compromise with them. You can agree to come and visit every other weekend, or perhaps once a month. Schedule calls home so that you talk to your parents at least once a week. This lets them know that a) you are keeping them in the loop and b) you are responsible for making decisions in your life.

In truth, their anxiety will probably begin to dissipate within a few months. At that point, the pressure should be off.