Why is it that the nice guys finish last?

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therange
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27 Jan 2010, 2:01 pm

Toad, what you have to realize is, this current version of you ISN'T the real you. Your perception of reality is flawed because of your chemical imbalance.

I'm also in no way saying pills are a cure-all. All the medication does is allow you to see things more objectively and allow the real you (the person you would be if you weren't blinded by negative thoughts due to a chemical imbalance) to make the real decisions.

I get the impression, however, that unless you were heavily medicated, you would fight it and wouldn't allow the medication to do what it's supposed to do.

Also, women don't like downers. This isn't opinion, this is fact. Women like guys that love life and know themselves. They don't want guys who are miserable. So basically, you're just making your situation worse by refusing help.



deadeyexx
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27 Jan 2010, 2:09 pm

I've personally have had good luck with drugs like beta blockers. They give you that little extra push toward not letting your over-analytical mind hold you back. As far as abusing drugs, I had a sister addicted to heroin, so I understand the dark side of mind-altering substances. However, most of the problems came from all the dangerous people & lifestyle involved with that drug. I have yet to find the same kind of culture involving perscription pills that don't get you high.



ToadOfSteel
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27 Jan 2010, 2:17 pm

therange wrote:
Toad, what you have to realize is, this current version of you ISN'T the real you. Your perception of reality is flawed because of your chemical imbalance.


From my perspective, a statement like that is very similar to ones that Jenny McCarthy and her ilk would make about autism in general. You say that the "real" me is hidden underneath a chemical imbalance, much as she would say her son is "hidden" under the autism. You're effectively saying I'm flawed because I don't behave in the same manner as NT's would in the same circumstances, and, to be honest, that really sounds condescending...

I am who I am, and while I agree that I could use a bit of work on making myself a little more presentable to the world, my identity is part of who I am; it's not something that can just be swapped out like a piece of software.



therange
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27 Jan 2010, 2:31 pm

I'm not talking about your Aspergers or your interests, I'm talking about your negative, self-defeating thinking. You seem to think that you'd take a pill and all of a sudden be this guy that's unfamiliar to you. The only difference would be that the negative thinking would stop...and like the last poster said, you wouldn't overthink things to death, and if you wanted to do something, you'd do it.



ToadOfSteel
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27 Jan 2010, 2:45 pm

therange wrote:
I'm not talking about your Aspergers or your interests, I'm talking about your negative, self-defeating thinking. You seem to think that you'd take a pill and all of a sudden be this guy that's unfamiliar to you. The only difference would be that the negative thinking would stop...and like the last poster said, you wouldn't overthink things to death, and if you wanted to do something, you'd do it.


That's actually a big thing that I'm afraid of. My tendency to "overthink" things comes from my own attempts to cope with being too overly impulsive as a child. And when I say impulsive, I mean violently impulsive. If I remove that protection now, there are going to be real legal ramifications.

I'm not against the idea of getting therapy. I'm actually in the process of working with my mother (since im on my parents' insurance plan while I'm still in college) at finding a therapist that will work with our insurance. But I want to remain in control of my own thoughts because I'm afraid of the destructive potential my thoughts are already proven to posess, and if a drug is going to make me lose control, I don't want any part in it. (that's also why I rejected numerous attempts at people to get me to drink or take recreational drugs in high school and college)



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27 Jan 2010, 2:54 pm

This thread has deteriorated to a platform for a debate for self defeating attitudes and drug use. It was actually interesting, before this! Isn't this what is known as a thread hijack? :?


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therange
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27 Jan 2010, 3:00 pm

hartzofspace wrote:
This thread has deteriorated to a platform for a debate for self defeating attitudes and drug use. It was actually interesting, before this! Isn't this what is known as a thread hijack? :?


Whoever said it earlier has it right. Guys who complain "nice guys finish last" aren't nice guys. They're whiny, annoying, hate women and life itself, and are the first person to say "Women are gold-digging b****es." Just because they don't have a criminal record or have violently laid their hand on a woman doesn't make them nice.



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27 Jan 2010, 3:02 pm

therange wrote:
hartzofspace wrote:
This thread has deteriorated to a platform for a debate for self defeating attitudes and drug use. It was actually interesting, before this! Isn't this what is known as a thread hijack? :?


Whoever said it earlier has it right. Guys who complain "nice guys finish last" aren't nice guys. They're whiny, annoying, hate women and life itself, and are the first person to say "Women are gold-digging b****es." Just because they don't have a criminal record or have violently laid their hand on a woman doesn't make them nice.


QFT!


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27 Jan 2010, 5:24 pm

therange wrote:
Toad, what you have to realize is, this current version of you ISN'T the real you. Your perception of reality is flawed because of your chemical imbalance.

I'm also in no way saying pills are a cure-all. All the medication does is allow you to see things more objectively and allow the real you (the person you would be if you weren't blinded by negative thoughts due to a chemical imbalance) to make the real decisions.

I get the impression, however, that unless you were heavily medicated, you would fight it and wouldn't allow the medication to do what it's supposed to do.

Also, women don't like downers. This isn't opinion, this is fact. Women like guys that love life and know themselves. They don't want guys who are miserable. So basically, you're just making your situation worse by refusing help.



There are of course a few kinds of depression/negativity, which my current therapist has explained to me. I can just detail them real quick.
-The chemical imbalance sort: the kind that we have been discussing for the longest time and which has derailed the discussion from the actual topic. can usually be improved/solved with meds, and sometimes even as little as a diet change.
-Situational: The kind not brought on by the chemical imbalances, the ones usually brought on by bad situations like losing a job, your place of residence. Having friends/family die, stuff like that.

My therapist and I have identified which type I am with it, and it is neither of the above, Mine tends to be more of a philosophical construct of my own that can be used both for positive and negative, but my problem with it is ill use my philosophical beliefs as a crutch/excuse. Beliefs in question? I am pretty much a cynic, skeptic, realist, and a existentialist or fatalist. Mine isnt even cause by a chemical imbalance, and as for me not smiling, I have under-developed facial muscles. Yet even if I explain why I cant smile, people still have to be f*****g asshats about me not smiling (like for a picture)


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27 Jan 2010, 5:31 pm

I blame my relationship issues on polarization and the fact that the Southern Baptists stigmatize everything--otherwise, I wouldn't have the criteria I have.


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27 Jan 2010, 7:32 pm

:roll: :roll: :roll: :roll:
LOL.

Sorry.

Its pretty obvious why none of you can find a woman. (Ken and Tim) I'm sorry. People tried helping you, and still you have these f****d up perceptions on life which no-one in the world will find attractive.

Maybe it's time you both looked inwards... and blamed your relationship issues on yourself?

Toad is the exception - I think he just needs to lose the self loathing.



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27 Jan 2010, 7:45 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
:roll: :roll: :roll: :roll:
LOL.

Sorry.

Its pretty obvious why none of you can find a woman. (Ken and Tim) I'm sorry. People tried helping you, and still you have these f**** up perceptions on life which no-one in the world will find attractive.

Maybe it's time you both looked inwards... and blamed your relationship issues on yourself?

Toad is the exception - I think he just needs to lose the self loathing.


I am taking that as an attack and reporting you. Only reason I am not attacking back is because I will not go to your level. You do not speak for us, do not judge us.



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27 Jan 2010, 7:49 pm

Nothing will come of it, because it's not an attack, just a recap on everything you've posted in these threads and anyway its no-where near as bad as some of the stuff you've gotten away with posting.



KenM
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27 Jan 2010, 7:53 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
Nothing will come of it, because it's not an attack, just a recap on everything you've posted in these threads and anyway its no-where near as bad as some of the stuff you've gotten away with posting.


Does not matter, what matters is if I felt attacked. Even if that was not the intent. I posted things that I did not think was an attack and I get warned about attacking people. I did feel attacked. If the mods don't do something about this then there is a huge double standard here.



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27 Jan 2010, 7:58 pm

KenM wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Nothing will come of it, because it's not an attack, just a recap on everything you've posted in these threads and anyway its no-where near as bad as some of the stuff you've gotten away with posting.


Does not matter, what matters is if I felt attacked. Even if that was not the intent. I posted things that I did not think was an attack and I get warned about attacking people. I did feel attacked. If the mods don't do something about this then there is a huge double standard here.


I'm sorry, but summing up what you say in threads really isn't on par with

"All women are lying demons who should burn in hell".
and
"I can sympathise with people who go and shoot up womens gyms"

If you feel attacked, maybe instead of blaming others for saying something you don't want to hear, take a good look in the mirror and at your previous posts and think about why people are saying such things.



KenM
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27 Jan 2010, 8:02 pm

Does not matter if its on par with it or not. The point is I felt attacked and hurt by what another member said in a thread here and I reported how I felt it was an attack to a mod. Mods tell me that no one should feel uncomfortable with what someone else says on WP. You made me feel threatened and uncomfortable, therfore I felt it was an attack, end of story. I have the same feelings, ect as other members here. I feel I was attacked by someone, its my right to report it, as others have reported me.