Laughing: Your jokes, their jokes, comedians, jokes in group

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asperges
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07 Sep 2009, 2:50 pm

One commonality for people with AS is not knowing what certain non-verbal cues mean or how to respond to them. One of the things that I have some understanding about how to deal with but still need some advise about is laughter and how to respond to it. My problem with this isn't really that big of a deal, but I'd like to know how to deal with it.

Imagine the following: You are sitting in a group of people and say something funny. Most of the people are amused but one or two people find it more funny than the rest and as they laugh they look back and make eye contact with you. Your joke (or funny statement) is over but they look at you as you laugh. What do you do if they are expecting you to say/do something else (which is what I would assume that they are after if they look back)?

Recently, I went to a comedian and was sitting with a few people that I know. The person taht I was sitting next to is someone that I have grown particularly close to over the past couple of months. I laughed at a lot of what the comedian said, but it made me uncomforable when this friend would on occassion turn towards me as he was laughing and then repeat what the comedian said. Why? I didn't know how to respond. Sometimes we would both start laughing at the same time and about as I finished laughing is when he would turn towards me. I didn't know what to do other than put up a fake smile, but I think he could tell that it was forced (maybe not all of the time). I think he was expecting me to add something to what was going on. I agree that it is important to add something so that it actually means something when you are sitting next to each other, otherwise you might as well be sitting next to a stranger, I'm just not sure what that something is. I think the same thing applies to group jokes.

Please comment.



Willard
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07 Sep 2009, 3:13 pm

asperges wrote:
it made me uncomforable when this friend would on occassion turn towards me as he was laughing and then repeat what the comedian said. Why? I didn't know how to respond. Sometimes we would both start laughing at the same time and about as I finished laughing is when he would turn towards me.


That's rather odd behavior for anyone. I've known a few people from time to time who did things like that and it's very irritating to me, but it's not normal NT behavior. It makes the repeater appear to be a gen-U-wine dumbass, as if he's having to remind himself what it is he's laughing at.

I don't know what the expected response is to that, but I wouldn't give it even if I knew. It must surely look just as stupid as the initial act. I'd be inclined to get up and leave.

Maybe he wasn't sure he was getting the jokes and was looking to you for cues as to how HE should react. :? He might have been repeating the punch lines, hoping that if he said them back to himself as he processed them, they'd make sense and be funny the second time around.

Huhuhuh. Second time around. That's funny. Duh. :rabbit:



Sati
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07 Sep 2009, 3:17 pm

One of my cousins always does that if we're watching a funny movie. It makes me feel uncomfortable because I have no idea how to respond. Usually I just say something like, "Yeah that was funny." It's also very disruptive since it makes me miss dialogue. Why do people do that?!



duke666
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07 Sep 2009, 3:27 pm

Smile and nod. It's no big deal. In the first instance, it's just an acknowledgement. Think of it as a non-verbal compliment. In the second, it's a way of interacting with you, sharing the moment. There's no need to say anything, just enjoy it. It's a good thing.

But then, my way of dealing with most social situations is to smile and nod and be silent <grin>.


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schleppenheimer
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07 Sep 2009, 4:23 pm

It's purely a "shared enjoyment" sort of response. I agree with duke666, just smile and nod. And as annoying as this situation may be, it proves that the person you are with feels like you "get" the joke and agree that it is funny, and possibly even that it's PARTICULARLY funny to the two of you. It is a compliment.