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I value...
Honesty, kindness, someone who's easy to be around, it absolutely doesn't matter what she looks like. 13%  13%  [ 7 ]
Honesty, looks, intelligence (with looks), not a gold digger (did I mention she has to be hot?) 15%  15%  [ 8 ]
Some level of attractivness, but I'm looking at personality from that point on. 72%  72%  [ 38 ]
We're talking about income right? 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Total votes : 53

Stinkypuppy
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16 Sep 2009, 12:38 pm

MDD123 wrote:
I tend to look for signs of extroversion to balance my introversion, or maybe one of these days I'll grow a pair and be an extrovert myself.

I'm always a little wary of this rationale, because there is an assumption that you and the other person won't change. People of course change over time, as they continue to grow and learn whether they're in a relationship or not. What happens if the woman you seek no longer complements a certain aspect of yours, is that her fault? Your fault? Doom for the relationship? Similarly, if you "grow a pair" and become extroverted while in a relationship with an extroverted woman, she won't necessarily be introverted enough to balance you. If that leads to tension in the relationship, is that her fault? Yours? Both? Neither? Whichever way it ends up, I think that looking for this kind of complementation for one's own weaknesses will lead to significant co-dependency issues in the relationship, and it won't be healthy for both people concerned. There will be control issues where one person tries to make sure the other person balances the former perfectly. That's incredibly difficult.

Personally I think it's healthiest for individuals to seek balance within themselves, instead of being balanced by another person, e.g. "grow a pair" that you can whip out and use as you need it, doesn't have to be all the time. :P I would want to be in a relationship with somebody because I want to, not because I need to do so.


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mitharatowen
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16 Sep 2009, 5:08 pm

JohnHopkins wrote:
You can't fall in love with someone you're not attracted to. That's a fact.

Sorry, John. I have to disagree with you. I've done it twice with boys I initially considered unattractive until I fell for them.



Janissy
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16 Sep 2009, 5:15 pm

mitharatowen wrote:
JohnHopkins wrote:
You can't fall in love with someone you're not attracted to. That's a fact.

Sorry, John. I have to disagree with you. I've done it twice with boys I initially considered unattractive until I fell for them.


I've done it too. In highschool there was a boy with just dreadful acne. It made me wince just looking at his face. Really, really, really bad acne. But he was hilarious. He told the funniest anecdotes and had me in stitches all the time. I wound up going out with him for several months on the strength of his sense of humour rather than his looks. Why? Because laughing feels good. He made me laugh, therefore he made me feel good. And his acne stopped mattering to me. It was still there but it didn't make me wince anymore because I was too busy laughing.

He's probably a comedy screenwriter now. I scan comedy movie credits now and then just to see.



MDD123
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16 Sep 2009, 8:23 pm

Stinkypuppy wrote:
MDD123 wrote:
I tend to look for signs of extroversion to balance my introversion, or maybe one of these days I'll grow a pair and be an extrovert myself.


Personally I think it's healthiest for individuals to seek balance within themselves, instead of being balanced by another person, e.g. "grow a pair" that you can whip out and use as you need it, doesn't have to be all the time. :P I would want to be in a relationship with somebody because I want to, not because I need to do so.


In that case, I don't want a relationship at all right now, just a $100 bill I can take to the strip-club to get my face smothered in titties :cheers:



Mapler
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16 Sep 2009, 11:31 pm

I would love to say "no, looks don't matter," but yeah I am too shallow to not care a bit about looks. Personality is what I look for next if the person is at least pleasant-looking. But hey, that's the difference between pansexuality and bisexuality. Pansexuals don't care who they are romantically involved with, while bisexuals are romantically involved with both genders. One is a optimistic view, while the other is a pessimistic view. At least that's how I see it. Most people either care about looks A LOT or care only about personality. Oh from the looks of it most aspies pick that they care about personality and looks... interesting.



Gremmie
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17 Sep 2009, 6:59 am

Ligea_Seroua wrote:
How can they not matter? In the dim and distant past I tried to convince myself I should be happy with a particular person because they were a nice person (actually, they weren't) however, regardless how high minded you want to be in principle, in practise it's not easy to continue to kiss and be kissed by a face that doesn't attract you. Can in fact lead to revulsion. And yet, if someone is the right fit for you, your mind "airbrushes" out the physical flaws they might have.

Really, the issue is "Do YOU find your partner attractive?" , not do they fit magazine standards of attractiveness. If not, and stays not, it's a sign in itself and probably an indicator of other reasons why you shouldn't be with them.


I tried doing the same thing and turned into a girlfriend from hell - always wanting him to give me more space and pushing him away. For ages I thought it was just because of the whole AS thing, but actually now I'm with my current boyfriend (who objectively I know is a bit odd looking, but subjectively I find very attractive indeed) I'm starting to think that my opinion of his appearance probably had a lot to do with it. Possibly shallow, but at least knowing this I can stop myself making the same mistake and making things difficult for other guys.



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17 Sep 2009, 9:25 am

Looks only matter enough to hook a person's interest, then the personality should take over in terms of interest. Most of the people I fancy as attractive all kind of look the same... odd.



MDD123
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17 Sep 2009, 2:06 pm

The only bad thing about having high standards is they have higher standards themselves :shrug:



LePetitPrince
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17 Sep 2009, 2:14 pm

Janissy wrote:
mitharatowen wrote:
JohnHopkins wrote:
You can't fall in love with someone you're not attracted to. That's a fact.

Sorry, John. I have to disagree with you. I've done it twice with boys I initially considered unattractive until I fell for them.


I've done it too. In highschool there was a boy with just dreadful acne. It made me wince just looking at his face. Really, really, really bad acne. But he was hilarious. He told the funniest anecdotes and had me in stitches all the time. I wound up going out with him for several months on the strength of his sense of humour rather than his looks. Why? Because laughing feels good. He made me laugh, therefore he made me feel good. And his acne stopped mattering to me. It was still there but it didn't make me wince anymore because I was too busy laughing.

He's probably a comedy screenwriter now. I scan comedy movie credits now and then just to see.



Did you have sex with him?



Janissy
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17 Sep 2009, 2:26 pm

LePetitPrince wrote:
Janissy wrote:
mitharatowen wrote:
JohnHopkins wrote:
You can't fall in love with someone you're not attracted to. That's a fact.

Sorry, John. I have to disagree with you. I've done it twice with boys I initially considered unattractive until I fell for them.


I've done it too. In highschool there was a boy with just dreadful acne. It made me wince just looking at his face. Really, really, really bad acne. But he was hilarious. He told the funniest anecdotes and had me in stitches all the time. I wound up going out with him for several months on the strength of his sense of humour rather than his looks. Why? Because laughing feels good. He made me laugh, therefore he made me feel good. And his acne stopped mattering to me. It was still there but it didn't make me wince anymore because I was too busy laughing.

He's probably a comedy screenwriter now. I scan comedy movie credits now and then just to see.



Did you have sex with him?


Of course not. I was in highschool. I know, I know. You're going to say that lots of highschool girls do and did back in my day too. Yes. But it wasn't an assumed part of dating the way it often is in committed adult relationships.



LePetitPrince
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17 Sep 2009, 2:52 pm

Janissy wrote:
LePetitPrince wrote:
Janissy wrote:
mitharatowen wrote:
JohnHopkins wrote:
You can't fall in love with someone you're not attracted to. That's a fact.

Sorry, John. I have to disagree with you. I've done it twice with boys I initially considered unattractive until I fell for them.


I've done it too. In highschool there was a boy with just dreadful acne. It made me wince just looking at his face. Really, really, really bad acne. But he was hilarious. He told the funniest anecdotes and had me in stitches all the time. I wound up going out with him for several months on the strength of his sense of humour rather than his looks. Why? Because laughing feels good. He made me laugh, therefore he made me feel good. And his acne stopped mattering to me. It was still there but it didn't make me wince anymore because I was too busy laughing.

He's probably a comedy screenwriter now. I scan comedy movie credits now and then just to see.



Did you have sex with him?


Of course not. I was in highschool. I know, I know. You're going to say that lots of highschool girls do and did back in my day too. Yes. But it wasn't an assumed part of dating the way it often is in committed adult relationships.


ok , lemme rephrase it: would you have sex with him?



Janissy
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17 Sep 2009, 2:58 pm

LePetitPrince wrote:
Janissy wrote:
LePetitPrince wrote:
Janissy wrote:
mitharatowen wrote:
JohnHopkins wrote:
You can't fall in love with someone you're not attracted to. That's a fact.

Sorry, John. I have to disagree with you. I've done it twice with boys I initially considered unattractive until I fell for them.


I've done it too. In highschool there was a boy with just dreadful acne. It made me wince just looking at his face. Really, really, really bad acne. But he was hilarious. He told the funniest anecdotes and had me in stitches all the time. I wound up going out with him for several months on the strength of his sense of humour rather than his looks. Why? Because laughing feels good. He made me laugh, therefore he made me feel good. And his acne stopped mattering to me. It was still there but it didn't make me wince anymore because I was too busy laughing.

He's probably a comedy screenwriter now. I scan comedy movie credits now and then just to see.



Did you have sex with him?


Of course not. I was in highschool. I know, I know. You're going to say that lots of highschool girls do and did back in my day too. Yes. But it wasn't an assumed part of dating the way it often is in committed adult relationships.


ok , lemme rephrase it: would you have sex with him?


There are many things about my life that I am just not going to share with a public board...or in pm, so don't ask.



LePetitPrince
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17 Sep 2009, 3:06 pm

Oh, ok ...you can become a nun too for all I care...



mitharatowen
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17 Sep 2009, 3:34 pm

I married and had sex with one of mine.



hale_bopp
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17 Sep 2009, 7:16 pm

LePetitPrince wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
As I've grown older, I realised "looking hot" doesn't matter.. but looking attractive in the eye of the beholder does.
I am attracted to a guy who everyone says looks ugly atm.. I don't know him.. why do I like him? Because his look does it for ME.
That and he seems to have a goofy loud mouth personality which I am usually instantly attracted to.

Really for me it's personality that dominates. I like fun, intelligent, loud confident guys who like to joke, and are very easy to talk to. If their look does it for me, then all the better.

"hot" guys are nice to look at... but.. whats hot? Generic "hot" just hardout bores me.



But you don't know him, so how can you know his exact personality?


It's called making observations from a far. I never said exact personality, I meant generally. He may very well have things I find attractive if I had gotten to know him.

On a side note,
Also, you can easily fall in love with someone who you can't be bothered with to begin with. This is exactly what happened with the guy who just broke my heart. I didn't think he was good looking or attractive at all to begin with.