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VivaLaConfusion
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16 Sep 2009, 4:52 pm

Do you have a tendency to interpret people "trying to help" as being hostile and critical? I am asking particularly with respect to others giving advice or opinions.

I suppose part of this question would come from people who begin a critical statement with "I'm just trying to help, but..." (see: "I'm not racist, but...") as if prefacing their words with a dishonest declaration of their intent gives them carte blanche to say whatever they want without drawing criticism to themselves.

If people really wanted to help, they would ask how they could provide assistance. Isn't that how it works?

I am exhausted by humanity's contradictions. Tea it is.


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sinsboldly
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16 Sep 2009, 8:09 pm

VivaLaConfusion wrote:
Do you have a tendency to interpret people "trying to help" as being hostile and critical? I am asking particularly with respect to others giving advice or opinions.

I suppose part of this question would come from people who begin a critical statement with "I'm just trying to help, but..." (see: "I'm not racist, but...") as if prefacing their words with a dishonest declaration of their intent gives them carte blanche to say whatever they want without drawing criticism to themselves.

If people really wanted to help, they would ask how they could provide assistance. Isn't that how it works?

I am exhausted by humanity's contradictions. Tea it is.


I have found, before I knew I was autistic, I was the one to react with hostility to other drivers that wave me through before them, to people helpfully letting me know another line at the cashier was shorter, suggesting something on the menu, etc. I took very personally that they were questioning my mental acuity to figure this stuff out for myself.

Or, on the other hand, if someone was kind to me, I would react like they had given me an Escalade, pin striped with heated leather seats if they offered me a cup of coffee in their home, embarassing them into offering me slice of cake with it or inviting me to dinner, which I would usually accept :roll: oh, my, I had so much to learn.

In all of this I was a lose cannon until I learned about autism and me. Now I have learned one or two things about living in the world and chose not to.


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Hmmmn
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16 Sep 2009, 8:20 pm

Yes I do this a lot, especially the 'questioning my mental aquity' bit Sinsboldly mentions. It's probably one of the best ways of alienating people I've found :)



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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18 Sep 2009, 4:57 pm

VivaLaConfusion wrote:
. . . who begin a critical statement with "I'm just trying to help, but..." . .

That is in the hostile range. The art is to try and take the person sideways.

'Thank you for noticing. Now, as you know, I do like to march to my own drummer, right? I like to march to my own drummer. So, okay, please tell me what you observed.'

Actually, I think you might be able to come up with a better response than this. But something like this.